AIBU to think some new parents are becoming overly precious ?

[Embarrassedmumoftoddler]

Before I start my little rant, I know that it is up to the parents so I probably am being unreasonable but I’m just finding that people are getting sooo precious around babies and rules for families / friends etc and it’s starting to really annoy me !

For example a close relative of mine is pregnant - we’ve all been told we can’t buy anything pink, baby is due round Halloween but they don’t want anything ‘holiday’ related ever, they don’t want too many clothes. Basically they’ve totally sucked the joy out of buying for a new baby to the point where no one has bought anything for fear of getting it wrong !!

Another friend never ever offered a cuddle with her baby (who is now a toddler) which I know they aren’t a doll to be passed around but she was the worst for hogging babies before she had her own !

Someone else I know wouldn’t even tell her mum her due date (despite already lining her mum up for free childcare when she’s back at work!)

I also am a member of a mum group on FB and the long list of rules that people send out to people before meeting their baby is at best cringey and at worst extremely insulting !!

I also follow an influencer who didn’t let anyone meet her baby for 3 months !

I just really don’t get it tbh - one of the best
things about becoming a parent was watching the joy my children have bought to the wider family. I just think it’s gone too far and people are coming across and rude and quite ungrateful !

Agree - I loved showing mine off!

I feel like it's some kind of Main Character syndrome, people behave as if they are doing something special

I voted YABU because I can't see how lowering tat consumption or having boundaries are bad things.

Yes.

And also, not this again? I can’t imagine getting this exercised about what other people do about having or raising their babies.

I imagine you were pretty ‘precious’ too. Or did you have no say in how others acted towards your baby?

I’m of two minds. On the one hand you do see some ridiculousness. On the other other hand, despite inviting all family to the hospital the day after giving birth, my mother still got arsey with me for saying that I wanted to bring baby home without her there.

So basically - people can be twats all round.

I think it would easier for new partnes to habe a solicitor draw up a contract for people to read and sign before anyone is allowed in their presence, then wait a while then they can complain no one is bothering with them and they are and their children are being excluded or other ways they are hard done by

I firmly believe parents get to decide how to handle these things, but they’ll receive the energy back that they project.

My DD is about to give birth to our first grandchild, and if she were to implement too many rules and regulations, she wouldn’t see much of me! Fortunately she’s excited about family and close friends meeting her baby.

she does have common sense rules such as not visiting if you’re sick/sniffling and she’d prefer people who are going to be touching the baby to be vaccinated against flu, whooping cough and measles (in the US these things are on the rise unfortunately).

She doesn’t want a party in the room when she delivers the baby (not uncommon here) and I think she’s right about that. I just had my DH and I loved that time with just us and the baby, and DD/SIL should have that too if they want. We’ll get to visit the hospital when they’re ready.

I’ve been hearing this for at least 20 years so it can’t be new. I think it’s one of those things where people’s back get bent out of shape even though it doesn’t impact them

Totally appreciate about boundaries, but I feel that a lot of new parents are starting to verge on rude to be honest. I honestly feel like the message is that no one is allowed to share any part of the joy apart from them

I totally agree. Of course people can do it their way but sharing the joy of my babies was joyful. The other thread tonight with the sister not letting the cousins see the baby - I remember that day so happily.

Attention seeking nonsense!

If there is one word that can (sorry) get fucked it is boundaries.

I think parents are absolutely free to tell their parents, in laws, family, friends etc what their ‘rules and boundaries’ are. But, they also need to accept that when they haven’t had a day to themselves in 9 years, no one will provide childcare, visits are sporadic and no one cares whether they pass their GCSEs or not, they have no one to blame but themselves.

All the people rushing to see a newborn then don't give two hoots about said child as they grow older (i don't mean close family/friends). It's so odd when people are so desperate to visit when the new parents are adjusting in the very early days after coming home, just let them breathe for a minute.

The thing is keeping your baby completely locked away from the world is the worst thing for them. No one should be handling a baby if they are ill for sure, but a baby coming into contact with day to day germs is how they get stronger. My babies were passed around to anyone who wanted a cuddle and went to nursery very young. They never get sick now. I know that isn’t the same for everyone but I t is super important that babies are not kept in a bubble.

Rude, selfish attention seeking.

It's a chat forum where people come in to have a moan about trends that annoy them. There's an undeniable trend about being very controlling about access to your baby. Even controlling access to grandparents and other immediate family

Fine for people to have boundaries if that’s what they want to do but I couldn’t wait to show my baby off and was happy for people to hold her. A friend of mine set a lot of strict rules around not seeing anyone for 2 weeks so they could be in a “newborn bubble” and didn’t want any contact and we were all a bit surprised but fine with it, it’s her choice. 2 days in we all got a message asking us to come and meet the baby 😂 which of course we happily did, armed with lots of homemade freezer meals and gifts!

I disagree in a way because people are usually desperate to see the new baby to have a gawp and a cuddle, then don't have any interest in said child after that. If I look back at my cards I recieved after having a baby, i'd say about 4 of them have actually given a shit about my dc after they were dying to see them as newborns (and had no rules etc).

The worst ones are those with double standards. Demanding special treatment when there's no way on earth they were doing the same for the mothers in the family/ friend group before them.

A recent family one, all these rules in place, boundaries set...until the day of birth, everything went tits up, mum and baby emergency, then suddenly the family they were were 'keeping boundaries' with were needed. Lifts, shopping, care needed. The naivety and big ideas were shelved in place of the need for practical help. Funny that. Fortunately mum and baby now thriving.

People are really judgemental of new parents, let them find their way. They might think their expectations were completely OTT once baby has actually arrived. Roll your eyes behind their back as much as you want to but older generations probably thought similar things about something you did too.

YANBU some people really do act like they’re the only people in the world to ever have a baby

Totally agree with you.
I don't even love my MIL that much but she was round seeing baby the day we got home. It's a joyful time and I think in years to come people will regret being so precious.

I do understand some things like kissing baby (am a nurse so risk) but most of these boundaries are too much.

But surely that’s just having shit friends and family?! I don’t keep hold of flakey or false people in any area of my life so all the ones that were involved or actively interested in not just my life but that of my child are still as involved today, 15 years later and vice versa!