To find having 2 kids so hard?

[wanderingwillows]

I am 5 months PP and also have a 3yo. My whole life is doing childcare or jobs around the house and not only is it relentless and exhausting but also boring. I hate saying it but it’s how I feel. Does everyone feel like this with 2 kids?! Maybe I’m depressed but I am just not enjoying it.

Have you a partner around? Will you be going back to work soon?

Yep - totally agree. It’s never ending drudgery. You have to get through it, get a cleaner if you can afford it, make sure your partner does their fair share and stop trying to keep things at the same standard as before. I’d rather play with my kids than vacuum!

That’s why people escape back to work

Agree.

I’m baffled as to why so many women have kids. It’s like signing up to hardship for 20+ years.

Women should be more honest about how hard and dull it is and encouraged to get a dog if they need it for maternal reasons

It's super hard with 2 and can be incredibly boring at times. Going back to work at the end of mat leave saved my sanity. I love my babies more than anything but its exhausting!

Massive hug 🫂 for you @wanderingwillows ❤️
You are really in the trenches and what you're feeling is completely valid. I only have one kid (3) and I remember finding the day-to-day grind of that first year utterly relentless. You're trying to do it all with a toddler in tow as well.
Do you have help from a partner or family? If you are feeling low, do try to reach out for support from either your loved ones or professional services and try not to suffer in silence.

It's so hard!! You've got this mama.

It’s their ages, things will get better.

It’s really hard but does get a bit better in the not too distant future.
Mine are now 2&4 and have started playing together without me needing to be involved There’s still a lot of drudgery and some hard days but the ratio of enjoyable moments are definitely going up (especially now everyone sleeps through the night)

I felt like this. Same age gap. I found the 3yr old so annoying and frustrating when I had them both on my own. It does get easier, or just just find ways of handling them both. I also found it boring/tedius and hated myself for thinking that but it’s true. I try and do more things I like with them both now eg yoga baking even getting them cleaning. Anything rather than trying to entertain them both

Wait until they hit the teenage years. You will look back at this time fondly!

It horrific, gets a bit better, then horrific again.

Thanks for all the support guys. DH is around and to be fair to him he does his share of the jobs. I go back to work in March when DS turns 1. I absolutely love my kids more than anything but I didn’t ever want to be a children’s entertainer but that’s what I feel I am!! The amount of fake “wows” I have to give my toddler every day is driving me mental 🤣

Teenage years at this day and age is challenging for sure!
Enjoy and it will get better

Depending where you are, couldn’t you just go out for the day.
I was never in because dc made such a mess it wasn’t worthwhile. I would load dc and ddog and a picnic (sandwiches, flask of coffee for me and juice/water etc) and anything else we might need and go take dog for a long walk in the countryside or after taking ddog for her normal walk (we are in London) we would go to the science museum or we would go for a walk round one of the parks/shopping mall, even drive out to the seaside for the day.

I remember those days as being incredibly fun. Never spent a huge amount as it was only travel Food and everything else was free.

Sorry I thought we were talking teenagers!
Either way the first few years seem never ending... middle part is the best and sorry teenagers are . .. well we all know they are Kevin and Perry

@Anuder As a single parent and getting them to school and collecting from childcare about 6, commuting 1 hour each way, then there was dinner homework bath and bed. After maternity leave with the second it's robotic. I remember it well. I also remember the guilt. I also loved my lunch breaks and the freedom it afforded.

They were so young and beautiful and we got through it. So will you
Congratulations on the baby 👶

So why do people do it?

I get where you’re coming from it’s so hard and mine are 8 months and 4 years. So school has stared, and my boy do I miss her in the day. It soon goes. But like others have said go out, take them out it’s the best way. It’s so hard sometimes. I’ve had so many breakdowns this year. It’s awful. But I promise the bad makes up for the good. But I genuinely enjoy being out and about and entertaining my kids. So maybe I’m in the minority

Different stages come with Different challenges. As teens, my biggest issue now is that mine don't get on. Like, at all. The interaction between them has to be managed as a separate entity in its own right. I'm an sp so cant divide and conquer.

If I'm honest OP I found the younger years much easier, especially when their dad was still on hand. Most problems can be solved with glitter, a biscuit or 'oh look, squirrel'. Babies nap, can be put in playpen for a short time. Hang in there. Find what works for you.

100% this.

I only have one toddler but find it very challenging at times, and can't imagine having two.

It's so much easier going out. It's more work around it as you have to prepare everything, get them ready and leave the jobs in the house til you get back.

I do get quite anxious sometimes about everything I need to do in the house, it feels like endless work, especially if you can't afford a cleaner. Sometimes when he naps I think I am going to do XYZ but then I just collapse.

You have to lower standards and just do the basics.

I don't think either of us could stand being at home all day. When we're out and about, that's when I can actually enjoy my child - he's happier too.

Don’t panic! You are in the hardest but. My first year with two is a blur. It was so so difficult. But got so much easier after a couple of years that I had another. They swallow your whole life at this stage but in a few months you will be able to have an evening out or and then time away from them for work and you’ll start to recognise yourself again. By the time the youngest is 4/5 it will be much calmer and more manageable.

If you feel like you might be depressed, perhaps a visit to the gp? But as everyone else is saying, it’s a tough age and very normal. Once the second is older and can engage with the older one, it does generally improve as you can leave them to it (when not fighting!). Good luck

You're in the trenches at the moment but it gets better as they grow up and play together more. Is your eldest at nursery? That was my lifesaver at the stage!

Can you bring that date forward? Perhaps go back after Christmas?

I think it’s to satisfy some maternal instincts.

Also unaware of how difficult it can be.

If I knew how hard it was, I don’t think I’d have done it. I’d certainly have stopped at one child.