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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m not being unreasonable but need a poll and help with choosing a present.

117 replies

Sookisssss · 09/09/2026 23:30

It’s DP’s 40th next month. We don’t normally spend a lot on each other, but obviously I’m spending more this year due to it being a big one.

I did want to get him something signed by his favourite author but I couldn’t find anything reasonably priced.

I had decided to get him a newspaper from the day he was born, a programme for his football team for a match played the weekend he was born, and a first edition of It which was released in 1986. He likes Stephen King but hasn’t read It. He loved Pet Semetary. Phantom of the Opera also debuted on his actual birthday so I was going to get a programme for that although I don’t think he’s ever been to the theatre.

However, a book signed by his favourite author has just gone on sale. The book is in Italian so he could never read it. I can’t buy both this and It.

Which would you prefer? Any other suggestions welcome too.

YABU - It
YANBU - Signed Italian book

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:12

DeftGoldHedgehog · 10/09/2026 04:15

Papillon was published in 1969 and Henri Charrière died in 1973, so there probably aren't many signed copies around.

You might be able to get him.a nice leatherbound edition or an early hardback in good condition.

I’ve found a signed Italian copy for £200. It only came on the market yesterday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:15

Brendayouknowthatyouremuchtoolazy · 10/09/2026 05:37

Sorry OP, but all those things are shite to shove in a drawer. I was given a newspaper from the day I was born for my 40th, I put it in the recycling unread, who cares? If you don't normally spend much, then don't bother now - one of those things would be sufficient if you have to but he's not his own archivist so a random collection of 1986 memorabilia is just weird.

I got one from my 30th and loved it! Both that and the football programme are just small additions to his main present, which will either be a first edition of It of Papillon, both of which would be displayed and not put into a drawer.

I’ll definitely be spending more than usual on his 40th.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 10/09/2026 09:15

Sookisssss · 09/09/2026 23:30

It’s DP’s 40th next month. We don’t normally spend a lot on each other, but obviously I’m spending more this year due to it being a big one.

I did want to get him something signed by his favourite author but I couldn’t find anything reasonably priced.

I had decided to get him a newspaper from the day he was born, a programme for his football team for a match played the weekend he was born, and a first edition of It which was released in 1986. He likes Stephen King but hasn’t read It. He loved Pet Semetary. Phantom of the Opera also debuted on his actual birthday so I was going to get a programme for that although I don’t think he’s ever been to the theatre.

However, a book signed by his favourite author has just gone on sale. The book is in Italian so he could never read it. I can’t buy both this and It.

Which would you prefer? Any other suggestions welcome too.

YABU - It
YANBU - Signed Italian book

TBH, all those gifts sound a bit ‘shove them in a drawer and never look at them again.’
Sorry.

How about an experience or a joint trip away instead?

Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:15

Mosaic123 · 10/09/2026 05:41

Cashmere jumper?

Thanks. He wouldn’t appreciate it at all.

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Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:16

Morepositivemum · 10/09/2026 05:43

If you know he’ll like what you’ve chosen then I think your ideas are great op. I’ve a signed edition of a book I’ll never read again as I read it as a teen and I do just pick it up and look at it sometimes, which sounds weird but I love it! All presents are potentially something to just shove in a drawer but that doesn’t mean people will do it (or that they won’t regularly go to said drawer to pick it up!)

Thanks. I got a second edition copy of my favourite book when I was 18. The boyfriend who gave me it has gone the distance but I will love the book.

OP posts:
KindlySurfiingPlatypus · 10/09/2026 09:17

I would get both books and not get one or both of the "novelty" things - newspaper from his birth year, football thing, both only momentarily interesting and not very imaginative but will still be readily available for his 50th 60th and 70th birthdays if you run out of ideas.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:17

GarlicSomething · 10/09/2026 05:44

https://www.abebooks.co.uk/book-search/title/papillon/author/henri-charriere/signed/

Thank you. I seen that but I’m not paying £800. Appreciate you looking though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:19

Dandeloosha · 10/09/2026 06:18

Sorry, OP, this is just stuff that’ll gather dust after half an hour. They’re novelty gifts that’ll go from the back of the cupboard to a box in the loft. Why not get him something he’d use - a Stephen King box set, tickets to a football match or Phantom of the Opera, or even a limited edition Pet Semetary Mondo Ltd. Ed. print (https://ebay.io/m/AshJIg). Not my thing but at least you could frame it and hang it on the wall.

What’s the difference between a Stephen King box set and a first edition of It? Both would be read.

A signed copy of Papillon isn’t a novelty gift either, it is a valuable collectable.

He’s a season ticket holder and would think I’d taken leave of my senses if I got him tickets to Phantom of the Opera.

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SwanUpmanship · 10/09/2026 09:19

I'd be inclined to quickly check what the headline was on the day of his birth before ordering the newspaper!

Favouritefruits · 10/09/2026 09:20

Yea sorry none of those things, why does he want a program from a show he’s never seen if he’s never be to the theatre? The newspaper might be a bit of fun but I think he needs a real gift! Would you be pleased to receive those gifts?

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 10/09/2026 09:20

I think based on the responses you are giving to the suggestions on here you want to get the Italian book so do that! You could also get a cheap copy of It so he has some reading material..Scrap the newspaper if you n the d to find it. That's just tat.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 10/09/2026 09:20

I don't think a signed copy of a translation is anything like a signed copy in the original language, I suspect that's what accounts for the price difference.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:20

FishBish · 10/09/2026 06:22

Definitely go for the signed Papillon. You know that your husband loves the author and the book.

He's never even read IT so shelling out money for a first edition is a bit odd and also adds a certain amount of pressure for him tolove it. Plus it's not the most pleasant of books....I wouldn't want my partner to gift me a horror book for my 40th! And most people don't read first editions anyway, they want to keep them pristine so it's not likely he'll read that copy anyway when he could get one from the library.... It's not an out of print rare book.

No it’s not, but it was the best selling book of 1986 and so I wanted to get him a copy from 1986. I am leaning towards Papillon though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:21

OutOfTheOtherSide · 10/09/2026 07:33

Your problem is asking people who don't know you or him. On the face of it, I can't think of anyone that would want an old newspaper and a book they can't read in favour of making new memories through going somewhere or doing something. I'd climb a mountain or visit a new city or jump out of a plane for a big birthday but you're not buying for me or the rest of mumsnet. The post you describe as strange is not strange, its just different to your opinion. You asked for opinions!

Show quote history

Describing him as 40, not 80, because he likes books is strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:22

BigWig78 · 10/09/2026 07:56

I think the book is a good idea and a box display so it can be “framed” open at the signature? I’d have then gone Italian in theme- a nice bottle of Italian wine, a romantic Italian meal (in the house if he doesn’t like eating out), Italian silk boxers or similar Italian luxury item of clothing. (Alongside his football programme and newspaper).

Ooo a box display! That is an excellent idea! Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:23

Swiftie1878 · 10/09/2026 09:15

TBH, all those gifts sound a bit ‘shove them in a drawer and never look at them again.’
Sorry.

How about an experience or a joint trip away instead?

Show quote history

He would hate to be given an experience and we’re going on holiday not long after his birthday.

OP posts:
runnerducky · 10/09/2026 09:23

I think if he was that into Stephen King that a first edition would be a good gift, he would have read It long before now. I’d just get him a normal copy along with his other gift so he can actually read it.

I think milestone birthdays are a great time to do weekends away or experiences (not like driving a race car but going to visit a museum you’ve always wanted to or a theatre show) personally rather than ‘stuff’ but this is where you just have to use your own judgment as you know him best. And if your budget is quite low then you’re limited in what you can meaningfully get.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:24

Favouritefruits · 10/09/2026 09:20

Yea sorry none of those things, why does he want a program from a show he’s never seen if he’s never be to the theatre? The newspaper might be a bit of fun but I think he needs a real gift! Would you be pleased to receive those gifts?

It’s only pennies, it’s to go with the real gift which is obviously a first edition of It or a signed copy of Papillon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:25

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 10/09/2026 09:20

I don't think a signed copy of a translation is anything like a signed copy in the original language, I suspect that's what accounts for the price difference.

Yeah but the original language is French so he’d not be able to read that either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:25

runnerducky · 10/09/2026 09:23

I think if he was that into Stephen King that a first edition would be a good gift, he would have read It long before now. I’d just get him a normal copy along with his other gift so he can actually read it.

I think milestone birthdays are a great time to do weekends away or experiences (not like driving a race car but going to visit a museum you’ve always wanted to or a theatre show) personally rather than ‘stuff’ but this is where you just have to use your own judgment as you know him best. And if your budget is quite low then you’re limited in what you can meaningfully get.

Edited

I don’t mind the money, but he’d hate to be given an experience or trip.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 10/09/2026 09:26

Describing him as 40, not 80, because he likes books is strange

You made that up! It’s the commemorative nature of all the gifts that I dissed.

ChristinaPaigeDoesNotApprove · 10/09/2026 11:04

Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:12

Thanks. It is specifically because it was the best selling book of 1986.

Show quote history

Get him a copy of Maximum Overdrive - Stephen King's 1986 directorial debut horror film? Signed or not.

OutOfTheOtherSide · 10/09/2026 11:19

Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 09:21

Describing him as 40, not 80, because he likes books is strange.

Show quote history

Yes, to be fair, you're right on that! 😂

Sahara123 · 10/09/2026 11:25

My husband also like Stephen King books, I’m just imagining his face if I spent £200 on a book he can’t actually read ..
But then we don’t do special birthdays either, it’s just another birthday.

CoatiCutie · 10/09/2026 11:35

I'd definitely get him the signed book of his favourite author. I love my books and two of my favourite gifts ever have been a very early edition of watership down (I love the book, have done since I was little) and a very old tattered copy of Les Miserables in French (I can't read or speak french), which literally has a special place in my heart!