AIBU to be annoyed DP left for the gym without me?

[langoosteen]

DP and I go to the same gym before work. No classes, just swimming and weight training.

It’s about a 10 minute walk from our house.

I couldn’t sleep so got up about 5 mins after DP as I was groggy. He asks me if I was ready to leave so I said I’ll be a few minutes as I needed to use the loo, which he just came out of.

He said fine he’d wait if I was only going to be a few minutes. Then just as I was grabbing my bag upstairs I heard the frontdoor go and he’d left without me. The entire walk to the gym I could see him maybe 100m ahead of me, and I saw he saw me behind. AIBU to be annoyed with this petty/selfish behaviour?

He had no absolute deadline to be at the gym. In fact, I made it to the gym floor before he did and then we just ignored each other. Maybe I was childish but I was annoyed. No goodbye either.

You are both being unreasonable.
This just sounds petty and exhausting.

Why didn't you say ' hey what's that about? I told you'd id only be a minute. '

At no point did you think to run up to him and ask why he’d done it?

I think he is wildly unreasonable and I'd be very annoyed. What is his reasoning for such rudeness?

In virtually every thread on MN that talks about DH's, DP's or bfs that go to the gym they come over as really really self obsessed unpleasant people
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Him rushing up the road knowing you were behind him the whole walk conjures up a horrible picture of him making sure you know your place - as in the cultures where women are expected to walk a few steps behind the men.

Is this a running theme in your relationship or is this behaviour completely out of the blue?

I can’t imagine such pettiness. Is there a back story? Do you often keep him waiting? Sounds like you don’t get on too well.

That’s totally bizarre behaviour

How long were you actually? It's really bloody annoying when people are constantly saying they'll be a few minutes, and even more annoying when actually it's ten mins.

But the response is to call up the stairs “are you coming / shall I go ahead with out you?” Etc…. Not just leave. Unless you actually detest the person 🤷🏻‍♀️

He might be a rude selfish arsehole.

Or he might be fed up with waiting while you faff. I'm guilty of this as I always think I can get ready in 5 mins and it's actually more like 20. It's still rude of him to give the impression he's waiting and then leave without saying but maybe his patience wore out. Are you a faffer?

How long have you been together? because this behaviour doesnt invoke the Dear Partner that you've termed him as, he sounds like a dick.

This.

Does he have work to get back for? What other things does he have in his life to manage? It’s frustrating if you’ve set yourself a timetable for the day and then people expect you to change it for them

Oh I'm with camp DH here, so so so many time we agree a time to leave and DH doesn't even start to get ready until 2mins before saying 'just a minute' then he leaves the TV on, the lights on, the A/C on while he gets ready. I have to turn it all off and then wait 15 mins for him to faff. I got so fed up I started leaving on time without saying anything - took him about a week to catch on and finally be ready on time each time.

@Sartre "At no point did you think to run up to him and ask why he’d done it?"

He'd obviously done it as a form of "punishment". Would you really want to humiliate yourself still further by running after him in the street?

I feel like there's 2 options;

1. You do this often and he spends half his life waiting about. I've a dh with an elastic sense of time and have waited over 20 mins once whilst he was "just around the corner" - it is wildly frustrating and a bit disrespectful of the waiting persons time. If this is a straw that broke the camels back then I get his reaction

2.He is a dick.

Only you and he know which is the case. Hopefully you can have a chat and figure it out.

This doesn’t make sense. You say you got up 5 minutes after DP because you couldn’t sleep. Why would that even be relevant if you were supposed to be leaving to go to the gym together? You should have been getting up because it was time to get ready to go, not because you couldn’t sleep!
Your comment that were groggy adds to my suspicion that actually you faffed around in a half awake stupor for too long and DH got fed up and left.

Sounds like a wildly childish non issue.

Had you fallen out the night before and this deliberate avoidance - of you - just carried over from that?

This - it was passively aggressive nasty behaviour (and though I understand your response, as i would have done the same, technically you were pass agg too).

Am going to ask (though I suspect I already can guess) that this is not the only time you have seen cracks in your relationship. I’d take stock and really think about whether you are happy together, whether you actually like/love him (and feel liked/loved by him) and if not, I’d start planning an exit.

Why are some people like stroppy teenagers?

I would have shouted out to him to hold up? Did you ask him when you caught up with him what it was about?

As someone who seems to spend half my life waiting around for people to whom 5 minutes actually means 20, I can see how someone would eventually lose patience and just go if this behaviour were a regular occurrence. Be honest with yourself, how often does he have to wait for you?

He asks me if I was ready to leave so I said I’ll be a few minutes as I needed to use the loo, which he just came out of.

If you were running a bit late and he was ready to go then why not just tell him to go ok ahead?

Why do you need to go at the exact same time?

Doesn’t sound like you like each other right now. Are you having issues?