AIBU to be annoyed DP left for the gym without me?

[langoosteen]

DP and I go to the same gym before work. No classes, just swimming and weight training.

It’s about a 10 minute walk from our house.

I couldn’t sleep so got up about 5 mins after DP as I was groggy. He asks me if I was ready to leave so I said I’ll be a few minutes as I needed to use the loo, which he just came out of.

He said fine he’d wait if I was only going to be a few minutes. Then just as I was grabbing my bag upstairs I heard the frontdoor go and he’d left without me. The entire walk to the gym I could see him maybe 100m ahead of me, and I saw he saw me behind. AIBU to be annoyed with this petty/selfish behaviour?

He had no absolute deadline to be at the gym. In fact, I made it to the gym floor before he did and then we just ignored each other. Maybe I was childish but I was annoyed. No goodbye either.

Don’t be ridiculous.

OP says they go to the same gym every morning - I think him wanting her to ‘know her place’ would have come up long before now.

If it was the other way around and it was DH who was running late you would say he’s doing that on purpose too and that’s she’s well within her rights to walk by herself.

And the advice on here when someone is late and/or faffing around is “just leave”. He did that

Who gives you the right to call me ridiculous?

I was talking about the scenario that OP described: him walking so many yards in front of her and not doing what any normal person would have done and wait for her! Absolutely rude and deliberately nasty not to do that .
Dis yoh read what OP.said? She wasn't running late. She had to wait for her DH to come out of the bathroom before she could use the loo. She asked him to wait while she did that but he stormed off. Why you are defending his behaviour I fail to see.

From your version of events he sounds a bit of a prick - he definitely could've waited once he saw you were on the street behind him.
But this could be one of those straw that broke the camels back situations, if you're a repeat offender he maybe needed to get away rather than argue about it while hes annoyed

Without more info nobody can judge really.

Some people have never experience any sort of emotional abuse so it’s so weird when something like this happens to them that they would genuinely ask. I am envious of them.

My dh is the type who will go for a 'quick wee' as we're literally heading out the door and will then be in there clipping his nails or something, drives me absolutely mental. HOWEVER I'd never just walk off like OP's partner did and I certainly wouldn't walk along ignoring him. Communication is needed here

I workout 3-4 times a week in my local gym. Let me tell you some of the conversations I overhear between male members talking about their wives and partners, I’d be devastated if it was my other half. One only last week said he walks in from work grabs his gym bag and leaves sometimes his Mrs doesn’t even know he’s left the house “haha” the other member then asked him how the new baby was?! Obviously it’s not all but it’s eye opening that’s for sure. Some men just don’t like women and unfortunately their partners are usually the last to figure that out.

Where was she unreasonable?

Not very lomg at all if she was feet behind him.

He was unreasonable for leaving without you, you were unreasonable for continuing to walk 100m behind him and ignore him at the gym, cut out the middle, ask why he left, have a simple conversation and get to the end of it so everyone can move on. You’re both adults here.

If he was ready and you were not, why not just tell him to go ahead and you'll see him there?

Is this an isolated incident or a pattern of behaviour? I can't imagine me & my DH being so petty with each other!

This isn’t about the gym, there’s more to this….

I can't believe people are trying to justify this! Maybe if he actually told you he was leaving and said bye, but even then, when he saw you literally behind him, he could have stopped and waited. I'm with you, I'd be absolutely fuming!

This runs deeper than the gym doesn't it?

Gosh you sound like you both need to grow up and be less needy.

YABU. He wanted to go to the gym. You took longer than a few minutes so he left.

It's only a 10 minute walk and working out is an individual thing so no big deal.

Jesus Christ , Calm down !
He left before her for gym cause she was taking too long to get ready , really not that deep 🙄.

Calm down? I wasn’t getting het up. You on the other hand?

I simply asked whether there were any other behaviours that, when considered along side this incident, would indicate there is more going on in her relationship that was worrying her. The fact that it upset her enough to come and start a thread on here would suggest that there is. Ie, love, this is not about him leaving for the gym without her; it is about the fact she was perturbed enough by his behaviour that she has come here for support. You do get ‘support’, don’t you? It’s that stuff we offer people who are upset, confused or wanting to vent.

At no point in my 34 years of relationship/marriage has my DH ever just walked out, ignored me by walking ahead and then proceeded to ignore me at the gym/wherever we’ve gone. If he was annoyed I was taking too long he’d tell me. If I didn’t hurry and he was pissed off enough that he decided to go ahead without me, he’d tell me then, too. When he clocked me 100m behind him, he’d slow up and/or wait. And he’d probably rib me for being a slowcoach at that point. I’d possibly apologise or maybe I’d tell him he was being a bit of a dick and then he’d apologise… and our relationship would continue as normal - you know, talking as we walked, and when we were in the gym together, and as we walked home together.

Because that is normal relationship behaviour.

But he is shagging someone there

Well that is what everyone always says dont get it myself

Yes , you are getting all wound up .

I was simply saying maybe it’s not all that deep , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Also like to add , I agree , how you & your dh would be with one another in the same situation is exactly what a normal relationship is .

What cultures are they?