AIBU to still accompany my three-year-old to the upstairs toilet?

[Lyra87]

Have a 3.5 year old. Only toilet is upstairs. If toilet was downstairs I'd let them go by themselves but with the toilet being upstairs I always go up with them. Starting to wonder if I'm being OTT.
Anyone else with a similar toilet situation, when did you let your DC use the upstairs toilet by themselves?

I often have to accompany my 10 year old to the toilet because she "saw a ghost" in there. So do what you have to do!

She is made to help clean up after any mess and is giving a stern telling off. For example If she's used her water bottle to deliberately make a spillage it's taken off her and she's made clean it up. She won't be given any treats/ screen time (which is a bit of tv at weekends, no screens during the week) so she knows there's consequences. She quite impulsive though so an idea comes into her head and she does it.
There's only so much you can do to punish at her age, what would you recommend?

Yep, two of mine were the same! Any opportunity to get up to shit they shouldn’t be doing and they would be right in there.

I always took them up to the bathroom as well.

Personally I would start giving her the opportunity to be "good". Tell her that she's now such a big girl that you trust her to go to the toilet by herself. Keep an ear out and if she's up there any longer than you would expect for a toilet visit then go up and intervene. Lots of praise for being so grown up that she can be trusted to go the toilet by herself (when she doesn't make a mess) and intervene before she's made too much of a mess so you don't need to give her a massive telling off.

If she wanted to play in her room she'd be allowed to in fairness. The bathroom is where we keep stuff she can make a right mess with so it's only the bathroom I accompany her.
Yesterday she went up by herself while I made dinner. My DH went up after a couple of minutes and she got my eye make up remover I'd left by the sink (my bad on that one, I normally remember to put it away)and poured the little but left in it down the sink 😅 No mess though so progress I guess 😂

This is good advice, thanks. She definitely responds better to preemptive praise than being given out to (which she'll cry at then forgets about 2 mins later and is back to mischief)

She sounds like a delightful little monkey!

My DD is 3.5 and she's just started going upstairs to the toilet by herself, but still calls me to help if it is not just a wee, and sometimes she will ask me to go with her.
I don't think you're being OTT, @Lyra87 . They're only this little for a short while and if it makes you both feel better to go as a team, it isn't doing any harm.

Thanks everyone so far. Poll so far is I'm BU, but it is nice to know from some of the posts that there are other parents who also couldn't trust their darlings alone in a bathroom 😂
I should have clarified that she is allowed upstairs by herself (not that she does really, she likes to be where I am. Her bedroom has books and teddies but her other toys are downstairs so she only goes up if she wants to take something downstairs). It is only the bathroom that I can't trust she won't flood the place

Mine smeared a whole tub of sudocrem all over herself, and left white footprints around all the upstairs carpets last week. Took AGES to clean it up 😭 She has at least got out of the habit of unravelling every single toilet roll though, so we’re getting there 😂

Oh I had this too. She had her bedroom floor, door and bedsheets covered it in. Took forever to get all traces of it off the floor!

The logic of letting her do it on her own downstairs but not upstairs is strange - as she would surely be messy in either?

I would go with my son at that age though. I also did in public toilets for a lot longer because I had a fear of him touching the toilet seats etc and not washing his hands thoroughly.

At home he went on his own much younger but he was so messy - not with soap. I’m thinking he went in and helicoptered pee-ing as he seemed to have terrible aim. Either that or he had a few beers beforehand each time?! Anyway I let him go but then went and checked and cleaned after. Eventually I would check, but make him come back in and clean up himself so he understood he had to be better aimed and mindful. He’s now very good and cleans anything that’s needed. We never had issues with wiping, he was always very good with that… “wipe until it’s white”. Got through a lot of toilet roll to start mind.

I do not miss the days of toilet training.

What's the point of removing screen time on a Monday for example, when she can't have screen time until the weekend anyway? You need an immediate consequence, so it be removal of whatever toy she was playing with before hand for example. My kids responded well to having to clean up and removal of kindle etc that they only made the mess once or twice. It doesn't sound like whatever consequences you are giving her is having an impact if only supervision stops it happening.

I'd accompany my 3.25 year old upstairs because she's a naughty little bugger and would get up to all sorts up there. It's hard enough getting her to use the downstairs toilet without mucking around. But if she was sensible I'd be starting to let her, or waiting on the stairs or something.

My 2 year old twins go to the loo independently (well, sometimes together). If they/one of them has been a bit longer than usual then I will follow on after a while.

Building independence is important.

Sorry I phrased that badly in regards to screen time. I meant that as an example if it was the weekend I would remove screen time. If it was markers she used to make a mess they would be removed etc.