AIBU to still accompany my three-year-old to the upstairs toilet?

[Lyra87]

Have a 3.5 year old. Only toilet is upstairs. If toilet was downstairs I'd let them go by themselves but with the toilet being upstairs I always go up with them. Starting to wonder if I'm being OTT.
Anyone else with a similar toilet situation, when did you let your DC use the upstairs toilet by themselves?

Do you not let them go upstairs by themselves at all? Or can they not used the toilet independently?
I’m struggling to understand your reasoning.

Which part of it being upstairs concerns you? Is it them going up and down stairs on their own? Or them getting in to a pickle with the loo roll etc as that could potentially happen in a downstairs toilet too.

This has never occurred to me. Once my kids were competent at clothes and handwashing then I left them to it. What worries you?

Agree with pp is it the stairs or the toileting that worries you? My youngest still needed prompting to wash his hands at that age.

Is it the toileting or the stairs that are the issue?

My 18month old uses the stairs on his own- I mean i try to always be around but he's very fast. My other 2 were definitely using stairs independently from 2ish.

Toileting alone from a few months after they were potty trained. Although at 3.5 I'd probably still be wiping after a no 2.

My DC is what I would describe as a messer. Any opportunity to get up to mischief she takes so it mainly stems from that. Soap would be all over the place, tissue paper as well.
I can tell from the posts already I'm being OTT 😅

She needs occasional help wiping after no 2s but otherwise no issues with stairs, using toilet or washing hands (other than above mentioned making a mess)

Sounds as if you are going with her to protect the state of your home! - fair enough, it's not OTT, but ideally you'll be teaching her to be careful.

Exactly this. She just delights in being messy, only supervision stops it. If anything is accidentally left out, like cream or body wash she would be using it to 'clean the sink' 😬

Ahh, I had two of those with a smallish age gap. Fiddlekins DH called them. Any time they were on their own there was mischief!
Shredded candle wax down the plug hole, fireguard moved and cold ashy hand prints over the living room walls and carpet, an entire lipstick covered face. They were climbers too. You get the idea.

Keep going as you are OP! They grew out of it eventually - I can't remember when exactly, but they're lovely teens now!

I still remember the feeling of horror when DC1 was about that age and I discovered that when unsupervised she had been washing her hands in the toilet flush water to save time and get back to playing.

Some children seize every opportunity for mischief. Unravelled toilet rolls were a very regular feature. I could only leave one out and had to hide the spares. Obviously angelic behaviour in other settings, so I was told.

I would purely for preventing shenanigans. Barbies down toilets sudocrem carpet treatments , taps left running etc

My 5yo still wants us to go to the loo with him! You’re not being unreasonable at all. We r just getting to the stage where (because he’s at school now) he is getting the whole concept of privacy. But he’d be too scared of monsters to go upstairs on his own!

Oh heck, I wouldn't let her out of my sight!!

Leave a bar of soap on the sink and remove all creams and stuff out of reach.

I think there’s a half way house - let her go upstairs but follow on 2 minutes later, eventually only sometimes go up but she won’t know when so hopefully won’t cause a mess

Reading your post where you mention she’s messy , I’d go up there too 😆.
Even if you follow after 2 minutes or so .
i found my youngest ( I have 3 ) pouring perfume down the toilet and another time she was squeezing a tube of toothpaste down the sink 😳 she was about 3 at the time

I would start to trust her but I would keep an eye on time and go up to check your home 🙈🤣. All mine were going up on their own from a young age. My youngest now is 2 and he goes up on his own. I looked after my friends kid last week same age and she never goes on her own and it was an alien concept for me having to take her up and wait 🤣

Surely they go to the toilet alone at Nursery so will be more than capable of using their own home toilet. DS9 would go to upstairs loo alone from 2yrs (28months) and shout down if he needed help.

I’d definitely be accompanying as have terrifyingly steep stairs - not sure I’ll ever be ready to let mine do them alone! Also has to climb up to the sink and has fallen before.

She sounds exactly like my 3.5 year old! Thankfully she is getting “better behaved” with every week that passes, just a natural consequence of getting older I think, but she still has semi-frequent lapses into total mischief and chaos.
I do let her go upstairs on her own and just keep an ear out for mischief (suspicious noises AND suspicious silences!), and I go in to check if she’s been in the bathroom a while. I can’t imagine never letting her go upstairs alone though, I’d never get anything done, I’d spend my entire day chasing her around! My eldest was the same though and she’s now a very sensible 6 year old (for the most part), just to give you something to look forward to 😊

My girl just turned 4 and I still go up with her (also the only toilet). In our case, it's mainly because of the stairs - she has a gross motor delay and didnt walk until nearly 2 so she's definitely not as steady as other 4 year year olds. If our stairs was carpeted I think I'd start letting her go alone now, but the slippy wood bothers me..! She's able to use the toilet itself alone apart from wiping help.

I also have a 2 year old, so often bathroom breaks are a family event as she won't be left downstairs alone 🤣 we're hopefully moving soon and a downstairs bathroom is high on my list!!!

And what would be the punishment of she did that? I'm assuming not a very strong punishment of she still does it if she isn't supervised...

No I wouldn’t. Independence is good for them. If she needs help wiping she can call you but I’d insist she tried herself first. And if she made huge mess mucking about then she’d be marched back to clean it up, and would hopefully think twice about doing it again!

Based on your update YANBU OP as your DC has previous on getting up to mischief! Mine are slightly older but occasionally I have to go and investigate if one of them takes a suspiciously long time to reappear after a toilet trip.