To wonder if therapy work?

[Yellowandorangegreen]

DD15 has been having therapy since early this year; there were some issues with self harm last year. I have reflected on this and I think various things have contributed to this:

School pressure as she is not very academic
Hormones: Things are definitely worse around her period/ovulation time.
She was being left alone to deal with everything
She took a course of antibiotics for 6 months for acne which may have contributed as well.

We have made lots of changes. Tutors to support with school, being more present in her life so she has someone to come to when feels low/stress/worry. Vitamins and probiotics to help with physical demands of growing up. Suggesting better sleep, excercise.

She seems happy most of the time; has ambitions, friends, goes out, laugh, look after herself. When she is low though everything is very negative; but as I said it seems to be around her period time. I tell her it is hormones, she said it is not and that she has felt like that for awhile but the rest of the time she seems fine. Period comes and she seems her normal self.

Anyway, it is £80 per week, and on top of tutors this is adding up. Plus I am finding difficult accommodating the appointments this year with tutors and work schedules.

Please tell me your therapy experience? Shall we continue? Or stop it?

Surely it’s her decision?
if she feels it is helping her or not ? Is it focused on a particular goal or open ended ? What does she want to achieve or process from therapy ?
£80 is a lot - you could find cheaper .

We stopped therapy for 15 yo ds because it dragged him down even further.

With the money we spent on it we had more days out and did things that he enjoyed and could look forward to.

Therapy is not what it used to be, some therapists are excellent, others are shit and harmful, especially to vulnerable teenagers.

Surely your dd is the only person who can say whether it is helping her or not?

Agree. It is DD decision, but also ours as we have to pay; plus we are the adults

It can be very helpful.
But the person has to do the work.
Attending weekly isnt doing therapy if it iant applied in the week.

Thanks it is very tricky. Not even sure what sort of therapy she is having.

I asked for an update a couple of months ago and therapist said relationship is developing and building rapport, something like that

Could you cut it to one a fortnight? Make savings elsewhere..

I doubt it she would be doing any work apart from the sessions

Yes, I may suggest this

Have you actually asked her if she is finding it helpful?

Once when she was feeling low I asked her if the therapy was helping and she said I guess so; is that a yes? I don’t get much information from her or the therapist

I will have a chat with her of course but just wanted to check if people have found it helpful Or a waste of time and money?

Well, she needs to. Therapy done properly, with the right therapist, is brutally challenging. Do you see her immediately after the sessions? is she obviously tired? I was always absolutely sapped afterwards.

I'd suggest moving to fortnightly if you're struggling to cover the bills.

I think it is tremendously helpful for some people and a complete waste of time/ money for others. Depends on multiple factors, including the therapist, the individual receiving therapy, the issues being addressed and the approach(es) being used to address them.

Nobody else's experience will tell you whether the therapy is actually helping your daughter.

Yes, I drop her off and stay until she finishes. I don’t think she looks obviously tired. Will check next appointment

From someone that has recently been suffering with my mental health, I would be cutting tutors before I cut therapy.

I had therapy weekly for 6 months to help me get over PTSD from my son repeatedly almost dying during seizures and so much trauma around hospital stays and shocking treatment from medical professionals. I found it incredibly life changingky helpful. I started out with an open mind but also desparate because I was struggling with every aspect of my life. The first few sessions were talking about background and feelings but after that it was about finding ways to deal with resultant anxieties and avoidant behaviours that had come up, I had reading material around the behaviours and their root cause and what the changes I was being asked to make were hoping to achieve and it was like a finite journey back to being the capable woman I have always been.

If she's been improving while in therapy and happy to go I'd be inclined to believe it's having a positive impact

Successful therapy particularly for dc does not need to be brutally challenging. They absolutely shouldn't look worn out at the end of session.
Dc and the therapist are the best sources of finding out if it is working for her.
Do you know what the goals for therapy are?
Therapy is a broad spectrum and works for some people much more than others as pp said.

That is good to hear. Thank you for sharing your experience

No idea what the goal is. Will ask the therapist

In contrast with others I don’t think your DD is the best judge of if therapy is working. There are a lot if criticisms of the therapy industry, it can be quite the machine. Remember if some people will be pleased if you validate their feelings and decisions regardless of whether they are in their best interests.

It is worth having an outcome in mind for therapy, if someone is not functioning well are there specific areas you want to achieve something in?

If it is just a safe place for a teenager to speak to a neutral 3rd party that doesn’t need to be a therapist. Are there other older women in her life she can trust who she may be able to just talk through what is going on? They may be able to be more useful if it is a matter of issues in life that are getting to her.

Both the response from the therapist and DD don’t seem to be great indicators here.

The therapist should be much clearer about what the issues are and what they are doing. If DD just says “I guess” that sounds like she is trying to make you feel better about the effort you are putting in to it.

Perhaps ask if she knows what the therapist is trying to address with her? Ask if she thinks she should try a different therapist/approach? It may be this therapist is not great for her, it may also be therapy is not the solution.

Therapy can help a lot, but it's quite possible for even longterm work to achieve virtually nothing, especially if the client (for whatever reason) feels that it's important to keep certain things secret, or to give a 'good' impression to the therapist rather than reveal what is really going on. Or perhaps the client/therapist connection never establishes.
It's very tricky to decide for someone else whether therapy is helping, and/or whether a different therapist would help more. You could ask her what she hopes to get out of it and really listen to the answer, then suggest she says that to the therapist next time.

Therapist said she is having talking therapy plus some CBT. I have asked what the ultimate goal is.

This is my gut feeling. She said she is having talking therapy plus some CBT.

I had a few sessions of talking therapy myself due to work burnout. Just felt like talking to my friends and husband. At the end therapist said you already worked out what you want to do and we just stopped. Quit my job and find another one.

£80 per week to talk to someone seems like a lot of money to me.

She does speak more to me about her feelings, dreams, worries. I am more present, keep an eye on her mental health or when she is feeling low. Validate her feelings more, etc.