Christmas :-/

[Yetie]

My parents used to be local and they’ve moved a couple of hours away. My gran, lives approx 30mins from me (where my parents used to live). My gran was very upset when they moved and worries as she lives alone. I am now her go to for help and vice versa (child/dog care).
We were in the pub and they were talking about how Xmas is getting booked up, I thought how I’d like to not cook so booked a table to include my gran.
my parents went away last year.
i then messaged my parents and my brother letting them know our plans and that if they want to join us to let me know and ill add them to the booking.
my mum is sad as she wanted to host (but for me to cook) in her new house.
i said well I’m sorry but we’re going to the pub near us as we both want a drink. The same reason I’m sure her and my dad won’t come over to us.
Aibu to think, you moved, you kinda have to expect we won’t see each other as much. I just feel guilty.

YANBU. Why can't the cheeky fuckers cook in their own house, why do they want you to cook?

Absolutely have a lovely Christmas with your gran, don't be guilt tripped by your parents.

Do you often cook for them?

No I just tend to do Christmas Day as my mum is a terrible cook ha! But I can’t say I enjoy it, we had my gran last year and I cooked but I’d like to go out this year. Gran happy to go where ever as long as it’s local as she will be driving.

Your mum wanted to host but you to do all the cooking?😂

So your mum wants to host but you to do all the work? Stick to your guns and enjoy your Christmas dinner out with your gran. YANBU

Since I dislike Christmas so much and all the emotional manipulation that can go with it, not to mention crowds, weather, constant bombardment of advertising, awful muzak and so on.... whew - I escape with DP every year over Christmas and New Year. We go to Southern Spain where Christmas is so low key it barely exists except amongst some ex pats. We avoid all that.

The first time we decided to escape wasn't easy, it was met with howls of negativity, but we are adults, no kids and hate Christmas. Everyone is used to it now and it doesn't even register on their radar anymore. We are still a close family and get on great.

Stick to your guns girl and have a lovely time being served up the grub in the pub!

Can’t quite believe the cheek of someone wanting to “host” but only if a guest does all of the cooking!

I think that sounds like an excellent compromise @Yetie enjoy yourself and good on you for sticking to your guns

Your parents sound bloody hard work, go to the pub with your Gran, no cooking walk home job done.

If your Gran is driving even better.

Surprised people are so hung up on you cooking - I love to cook Christmas dinner but my sisters house is much bigger, so on our family’s hosting years I do the cooking in her massive kitchen (which she doesn’t deserve because she can barely make a sandwich, she and her husband eat out constantly 😂)

anyway, I think in my family we would agree what we were doing rather than one of us making a decision for ourselves and then booking somewhere, but every family is different!

I think that you did everything appropriately and sensitively -booking the table, inviting others etc.

Forget the guilt - you have a lot on your plate with children and grandparent duties. But I wonder if you are bitter about your parents moving away as you say they should expect to see people less?

I think the dynamics and boundaries obviously have to change as the logistics determine - but I would consider if there is any negativity from your side and how helpful this will be going forward?

Your parents sound terribly selfish/self-centred to not understand how you feel.

Why is drinking a problem, could you/they not stay over?

Forget the guilt! Go out with your gran and whoever you want to in a pub close to you - honestly when you do that it takes all the strain out of the day! I can't believe your parents want you to go there AND cook. You invited them which is nice of you, if they prefer to stay at home it's fine, but it's also good for you to just go out and have a relaxed Xmas.

You came up with the first plan and started sorting it. Your parents can choose if they want to join your plan or make another.

Ignoring how cheeky they are to expect you to cook in their house (and it's tricky to cook in an unfamiliar kitchen) they should have started the discussion earlier.

You snooze, you lose.

Just say sorry. You hadn't said anything and now we have plans.

Christmas dinner anywhere but someone’s house is brilliant. Go for it!

I hope you and your Gran (and whoever else might join you) have a fabulous time at the pub on Christmas and enjoy not having to peel spuds and so on!

You did a nice thing, including your gran in your Christmas plans.

I can’t believe your mother is trying to make you feel guilty. And she wanted you to do the cooking at her house?

You sound like a lovely thoughtful granddaughter and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. 🎄

Doing the driving AND the cooking? Nah, doesn't work like that...

I have found the first year of a different Christmas is the one were everyone gets their emotionally-manipulative panties in a bunch, and you just have to hold firm and ride out the storm (to mix metaphors there)...

It will be an established pattern by next year when everyone realises they actually survived and enjoyed it...

I can see why being invited to travel two hours, not drink and then cook the dinner isn't tempting! I think having a pub Christmas dinner sounds amazing by comparison, and you gave them plenty of notice to join in, so I think you have been very hospitable.

It sounds like a nice Christmas for you and your gran. Driving a few hours and then cooking dinner does not sound like a good day for you.
Surely your parents would have considered logistics like this when they first moved?
You've done the right thing by asking them, don't feel guilty.

It sounds like you and your gran have a lovely reciprocating relationship - you help her , and she helps with DC/ dog
You have picked up a lot from your parents after they moved .
Yes , the ideas of all of you together at your mum's house , like the Walton's, probably sounds nice to her.
But the " oh we want to host.... But you cook" is cheeky

I used to cook Christmas Dinner from about 13 yo ( mum hated Christmas all the effort etcm if she could palm it off to someone else she would do)
Usually with a " oh but you are so good at all this , / I don't know how you can be bothered" ( because those potatoes are not going to peel and roast themselves! )

Worst thing was she didn't have utensils like a decent peeler or a sharp knife . I took my own
Then said I am happy to host but I'd only do Christmas in my own house especially when the DC were little .

Your idea sounds lovely. Your parents can make their kown minds up but if they do want the pub meal they'll need to book soon.
You might end up cooking on another day at your parents

The cheek of your parents not wanting to exert any energy or effort at Christmas! They want to host so you and your elderly gran have to go to them and then want you to cook. What?! Idle and entitled. Why would you want to travel hours to cook?

Enjoy Christmas with your Nan, she sounds ace and so do you

my mum is sad as she wanted to host (but for me to cook) in her new house.

I can see why a local pub and a drink would be more appealing TBH.

I wouldn't feel guilty - you have invited your Gran and offered to include them with booking.

If they went away last year they clearly aren't that worried about a traditional christmas and seeing everyone - you are allowed to have a christmas that works for you same as them.

Are you my sister?! This is the kind of stunt my mum’s tries to pull. The laziness and entitlement are infuriating! She clearly isn’t hosting if you are the one doing the cooking (and did it last year!)

Stick to your guns, it’s your Christmas as well. If your mum is such a terrible cook then why has your dad never bothered to learn?

Definitely NBU Op, enjoy your Christmas. with your lovely Gran. I miss my Christmases with mine she was fabulous. I can't believe the brass neck of your parents.