AIBU to support Mum over my brother in property dispute?

[BePeachBiscuit]

I would love your views but this is a long one so please bear with me.

The context is that me (41), my brother (39) and my sister (37) grew up in a small holding, a small ex-farm with about 6 acres. My sister and I left home at around 20 but my brother never really did. He runs a landscaping business so storing his vehicles and tools there was always important. He lived in my mums house until he was about 35 (minus about 4-5 years here and there) when he converted one of the barns on her property into a house. Whilst he lived with my mum he never paid for rent, bills or food but he would do general building jobs and landscaping work. My mum would pay for some of these jobs but not all given that he wasn’t paying towards bills. Both parties thought they were getting a bad deal.

When my brother decided to convert the barn, my mum got the property valued and the barn and yard were worth a third of the total so she signed that over to my brother and has left the rest to me and my sister in her will (obviously depending on what happens before then - she is super healthy and will hopefully live for many more years and may decide to sell etc). She told us all about this plan at the time but my brother insists he didn’t hear it.

A huge problem has arisen now because after moving into the barn he is pressuring my mum to put the whole property into trust or let him buy her house now so he owns the whole thing. My mum doesn’t want to do this because she wants to keep control of her own house, especially because my brother can be quite dominating and forceful. My brother feels the current arrangement is very unfair because he has put so much work into the whole property, he couldn’t live with neighbours if my mum or us wanted / needed to sell it, and in however many years time he won’t have the money to buy us out. He also thinks the valuation was unfair. He is desperate to find a way to keep the property whole and ideally under his ownership. We have suggested he buy an investment property instead but he doesn’t want to do this.

My sister and I don’t even want to discuss this given that my mum is alive and well. But my stepdad died without a will and it was awful, which is why my mum wants it all agreed. And its stressing my brother so much that it is now causing a huge family rift. We’ve tried counselling but didn’t get anywhere.

So I’d love your advice.

AINBU by siding with my mum and telling my brother that this arrangement is fair, my mum won’t sign over the whole house and his best bet is long term planning to buy us out eventually (assuming my mum doesn’t want / need to sell in the meantime). Or AIBU and I should think about my brother’s side more and how to talk to my mum about transitioning the house to him? Thank you in advance for your help, any thoughts gratefully received.

Someone should gain financial power of attorney now before there is a sudden health decline and he underhanded forces it - it shouldn’t be your brother.

Value splits 3 ways. He’s had his share. If he can’t buy you out that’s his tough. Don’t give in or give a cheap deal.

But he's lived rent free for many years prior to the conversion which would probably offset at least part, if not all, of that.

Sounds like he’s saved thousands over the years by never paying rent, bills or for food, and he’s saved on storage for his vehicles. Presumably he’s also saved on chores eg cooking, coursework - unless he started them with your mum?

saying he ‘didn’t hear’ your mum telling him about how she planned to divvy up her property sounds like a lie. That must have been multiple conversations, surely?

Why the he’ll does he think she should transfer the whole property to him? Do you treat him to do the right thing when your mum dies?

I’m sorry but he sounds like a manipulative bully who feels sorry for himself.

I feel really sorry for your mum. He has always lived with her. How does she feel about living next door to her bullying son, especially as she gets older?

He sounds absolutely horrible. Why should he have the whole thing?! He knows your mum would never have agreed to that. Support your mum, help her stand up to your greedy brother.

Wow, I am so grateful for every one of your responses, thank you so much. I’m going to take more time to digest them fully but some additional detail in the meantime as requested.

• The valuation occurred before my brother converted the barn and without planning permission. At the time the whole property was worth 450 and his barn / yard was valued at 150. He converted the barn without planning permission and is now seeking retrospective planning which has caused another huge stress on my mum. He believes the valuation was inaccurate because barns without planning permission ‘are worthless’. But I’ve looked and can’t find anything comparable for even close to that value. It’s a beautiful barn with incredible views.
• The barn is located right the middle of my mums property, just across a driveway and sandwiched between her house and/ garden and her 2 large fields. So it would be awkward to separate the 2 properties and live as 2 neighbours who were not family. There are no other neighbours at all, it’s pretty remote.
• My mum already signed the property over to him and it’s registered with land registry. She has a will leaving the remaining property to me and my sister. We are completely cognisant that she may need to sell for care costs etc in the meantime
• My brother has a gf and 2 children who live there too. They are wonderful and my mum really loves having them there.
• My brother truly loves the place. He really does put a huge amount of physical and emotional work into maintaining and improving it and my mum has historically relied on him although since this all kicked off about 5 years ago that has mostly stopped and now he works on his own part of the property. My mum has compromised hugely with ongoing building and vehicle / yard storage all over the place but he doesn’t really recognise that compromise.
• He is mostly motivated by keeping it as a single property for him and his family rather than the financial gain. I think he’d be happy if my sister and I would live there but we can’t guarantee that.
• He sees it as unfair because he thinks he has created and maintained so much of it and will only inherit 1/3.
• He says he would be willing to get a mortgage to buy my mums house now but he doesn’t want to buy a separate house for the sake of building equity. He hates admin.

I’d love any further thoughts, especially how we keep the peace so my mum and brother can both be happy living there together

He sees it as unfair because he thinks he has created and maintained so much of it and will only inherit 1/3..

He did that voluntarily though? Was there ever an agreement that if he did the work he’d get something back?

Suggest

Your DM should get a proper will written & a copy kept with an officiial company

DM can get power of attorney set up ready to use incase she has health issues
One for health
One for wealth

DM can get 3 free valuations of the property now

Apply here for POA

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

I think your brothers intentions are ok he does not want to see the site broken up into different plots, it is not about the money or the house really it is about keeping it all together. You admit yourself that it would be very awkward to divide. I think the mistake made was back when barn was converted without planning permission it can't be valued until that is granted, if not granted and it has to cease being a property where does your brother live? That to me is the main priority get that sorted planning granted and barn properly valued. Then all work together on how the plot can be maintained as one. The only option I see is either your brother buys you and your sister out when the time comes or pays rent to you both on the house.

Him not paying rent for 15 years is irrelevant imo that has nothing to do with inheritance and was a decision your mum made so is between them, nothing to do with you or your sister.

Your brother needs to put his hand in his pocket.

He was an idiot to convert without planning permission. I can see why he hates the thought of neighbour's being strangers in that set up but I would say tough.

If he doesn’t get the retrospective planning permission he may have to take it all apart. That may be the main reason in wanting the house. Doesn’t matter if he spent hundreds of thousands converting it all the house, may be back to a barn.

Needs to wait for the planning permission outcome before doing anything. But I would be totally supporting my Mother. He got free housing and a totally free land and barn that’s now a house.

He is being insanely selfish. The fact he has been given a property already and countless years of rent free living in exchange for chores. Some of which his mother even paid him for. But still wants more is just out of order.

It is not his property. It is his mother's. It doesn't matter how much he did to it. It doesn't belong to him. And he can't just take it.

I'd suggest a compromise that he buys the part on the other side from his mother's house at market rate and then all his stuff goes there and his mum gets to have her own home to herself for the first time in her life.

Does your mum still work the remaining land? If not would it be possible to split her remaining part in half now - she retains the house, reasonable garden and access route and he buys the other half - so he is building his equity 'at home' with his mortgage if needed - which in turn means she is no longer responsible for its upkeep? She then also has something to give you and your sister now if she wanted to.

I don't think given how demanding he is being I would want him to own the house I lived in as it does out her in a vulnerable position with him especially if he decides to be challenging. She could add to her will to say that she would like him to have first refusal to buy the property (at market rate) if you decide to sell perhaps.

It's a tricky one but your brother can't inherit everything. That is obviously unreasonable. He is lucky in that he already has his third - you and your sister may get very little if your mum needs care. Your brother feels he is owed the property as he has maintained it, but that was equivalent to him paying rent/bills.

To be fair, for those saying he has not paid rent, he’s probably saved her thousands maintaining the property if it’s a farm. It costs a lot of money to maintain fences and drains and keep the grass in decent condition etc.

If he couldn’t afford to buy the house he could probably be able to buy the land, so could perhaps have first offer on that? Which would safeguard his view and most of his feeling of privacy.

So he built up his business and lived without paying any rent for decades.

I would create a spreadsheet and show him how much financial benefit he has gained by first of all living rent free, having business premises rent free, then having a home mortgage free - including how much mortgage interest has been saved.

His sense of entitlement is extraordinary!

It does sound a messy arrangement. And will become much messier if Planning Permission is not granted.

And being between your Mum’s house and garden would make any future sale if her property difficult.

But 100% back your Mum to stick to her guns. He has no grounds to be bullying her into grabbing more of her property.

If I were your Mum I'd sell the lot at full market value if he buys it that's fine. But he's had a lot already. She could move closer to you and your sister and leave him to it.
He's a greedy beggar.

Your brothers basically had free rent his entire life? And is now getting his inheritance 30/40+potentially years before his siblings? So once again not having to pay for a house or rent.

He's massively taking the piss.

Your brother sees the property as his by inheritance and right. He already has visions for the future and considers anything less unfair. I don't know how you get around it as mediation has failed. Your mum needs to stick to her guns. Your brother chose to do the conversion, he chose to work without the necessary consents. It seems he gets his way by bulldozing through. I'd be wary.

Your brother is a CF

Ok, he did some maintenance and stuff, but he also lived rent free for a long time, and then he got a house for free. He doesn't really think it's unfair that he doesn't get the other house and the land as well, he's just saying so in an attempt to manipulate you. He couldn't actually, really believe that it's fair for his sisters to be cheated out of their inheritance because he doesn't want neighbours.

Millions of people live with neighbours whose houses are actually attached to theirs; it doesn't matter that the two properties are close. If I were your mother I'd sell her but now and move closer to you or your sister.

Think very carefully about how you can make sure he doesn't find a way to cheat you as your mother gets older and maybe more easily bullied / confused. It's bad enough that you're already in a situation where you could lose your inheritance to care costs whereas he won't. Your mother has already treated you quite unfairly. Don't let your brother manipulate you.

• My mum already signed the property over to him and it’s registered with land registry. She has a will leaving the remaining property to me and my sister. We are completely cognisant that she may need to sell for care costs etc in the meantime.

This says it all.
"She has a will leaving the remaining property to me and my sister."
She is being more than fair to your brother, and she should at the very least stick to this.

After all it is her property and money, and she has already given away a substantial amount to your brother, and given you and your sister nothing so far.
This is her way of redressing the balance a little bit, but your brother is the big time winner here.

Hopefully your Mother will have a long, active, and healthy life and will enjoy her wealth and independence. 💓

I agree with @Hildegard25 who is more eloquent than I could be.

This is pretty complicated situation as we don’t know how much work the brother did on the main house. I think splitting the house between you and your sister is only fair way of sharing assets on Mum’s death as brother has already had his third. He is lucky not have to pay rent for many years. I think your brother should plan on buying out your shares, even if he needs a mortgage, unless you and sister want to live there…