To ask about adults using gay as an insult

[Cryinglightning45]

I've heard grown men over 40 calling other straight men 'gay' for things they've worn, done, said etc. E.g. a man wearing a pink shirt. That they don't deem masculine enough. I've heard this in my workplace, social events and so on, these are often men with wives and kids.

Am I too sensitive or is this completely unacceptable? How would they feel if their children were gay? It just makes me sick.

Same! My 20 year-old DD and her friends sometimes use gay in this way- for items, not people. DD is gay and so are most of her friendship group.

See previous comments.

It's not acceptable to call something you think is bad "gay", when "gay" is a term also used to describe homosexual people.

When I was much younger, gay was a word used to describe something happy, lively, strange how words meanings alter over the years

'tis true. I hear teens say it a lot.

You're assuming calling something gay is always meant in a negative way. The poster up thread who mentioned the top her son was trying on looked “gay” is a good example of the fact that it isn’t.

Language does change, and so does society. Every gay person I know uses the term gay a descriptor, I’m pretty sure none of them are using it in a derogatory way, or I’ve certainly never heard it used that way anyway.

It would be interesting to know what the actual gay people think about it.

I think it was actually my son who mentioned to me that short shorts looked a bit gay - he's gay - is he allowed to use the term or should he be told off too?
I assume it's a look that's he doesn't want to project - it wasn't meant in a negative way - it's just not for him.

Like I said upthread, my DD who is gay, and her friends (many of whom are gay) use the word ‘gay’ in this way. Not against people but about things. Most of them don’t use the word gay about people at all- they use ‘queer’, which in my day was a slur. It’s all changed.

I wonder if the offended posters think I should be challenging these youngsters? DD is nearly 21 so as she’s an adult, I don’t generally challenge her on the words she uses anyway, but if I were to, would it be my place to do so? I’m straight so I’m not sure I can correct gay people on their use of the word gay, just as I can’t and wouldn’t challenge young black men calling each other the ‘n’ word because I’m white and it’s none of my business.

My Lesbian DD is the one who told me itsonly used in a derogatory way by the misognistic boys.

Eta... shes only 13 so this is Secondary school vs young adults, wbo ate probably a lot more secure in themselves and eady to reclaim the slurs?

However, further to the general discussion about young people using the word, the OP is about adult men (most likely straight) using the term to comment on what they perceive as lack of masculinity in other men. This is different because it feels like it has malice behind it. Historically, most of the violence and abuse towards gay men has come from straight men. It’s just further entrenching stereotypes about how to be a proper man. Similar vibes to ‘runs like a girl’ etc; you can offend almost any straight man by comparing his behaviour/preferences/capabilities to those of a woman or a gay man. 🙄

I've not heard "gay" used as an insult since I was at school! It's not OK.

Does anyone remember Graeme Le Saux, a professional premiership footballer of the late 80s no/early 90s and later pundit? He was straight, and married with kids but was subjected to loads of homophobic abuse from other players because of his lack of interest in the typical footballer’s lifestyle, his university education, and the fact he read the Guardian, liked the occasional glass of wine and going to art galleries.

in my 50s .... I still hear men AND women use it as a non-homophobic 'bantery' fun jibe at something someone is wearing / doing / has put in their house etc etc - to mean crap rather than homosexual. Could be anything. And it is always meant in a light hearted way. It's very Gen X. When I was younger we called everything gay.

As opposed to a little bit gay?

I wasn't sure which way to vote, because of course this is wrong. But how low are your standards that these are the people you hang out with? I have never heard a grown man use gay as an insult.

I've not heard this since I was at school in the 80s. "Fuck off you gaylord" was the most common expression.

How is this not homophobic OP?

Ive not heard it for years either.

Exactly what I was going to say and very occasionally I find myself thinking that something is "gay" and I don't mean homosexual I mean happy, bright, light, fun, just joyous in its nature.

As in "the sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hooray ..... Now let's all be jolly, now let's all be gay, the sun has got his hat on and he's coming out to play."

Such a shame that a word that conjured up such happiness is virtually unusable now.

"It just makes me sick"

Literally no one who is actually gay is getting upset about this. Find a hobby.

This is so deluded , young people are only using ‘gay’ in this context to refer to negative things , therefore they are aware that they are assigning negative connotations to the word gay , can you not see that ….

What younger generation? That's not a thing

I don't know anyone who would say this! Where do you work?