To ask about adults using gay as an insult

[Cryinglightning45]

I've heard grown men over 40 calling other straight men 'gay' for things they've worn, done, said etc. E.g. a man wearing a pink shirt. That they don't deem masculine enough. I've heard this in my workplace, social events and so on, these are often men with wives and kids.

Am I too sensitive or is this completely unacceptable? How would they feel if their children were gay? It just makes me sick.

I’d say so

Its incredibly childish and obviously smacks of homophobia. It's also really weird if used as about a shirt they wore themselves as they presumably didn't actually have much of a problem with the garment.

Funnily enough the only friend I can imagine describing his outfit as "gay" is very overtly gay himself. Are you sure that doesn't apply here?

YANBU. My sister and I were talking about this the other day. We both used to use it as teens, but stopped as we matured and realised how homophobic it was.

I'm now the mother of a lesbian, and I was shocked by how often she heard "gay" as an insult at school. She complained, so did I, but it seemed widespread. It died out at sixth form, and now she's at uni she doesn't hear it much, but she tells me there's much more overt homophobia. I can't believe how things are moving backwards, it's disgusting.

It's not OK. I assume the men you are talking about were teens / young men in the 90s / early 00s. Not condoning it, but it was so prevalent, I think most people using it were thoughtless rather than being homophobic.

Since then, most people have grown up, realised how inappropriate it is, and no longer use it as an insult. These men clearly haven't. They probably also refer to women as 'birds' and come out with 'hilarious' quips like 'While you are down there.'

They may(and I use the word advisedly) think there is no homophobic intention-but there is. And there is in the older men too.

I think because homosexually is much more an accepted part of general life now, many consider such language as minor ribbing rather than unacceptable phobic attacks.

so terms like gay and zesty are used, in the same way that a tall person might be called lanky, or a red head called an angry ginge, or Tom Holland is called a short king.

tricky, language is fluid and intention is really everything.

Or a colour (pink)
Oh not the pink

I've heard this, but I don't know what it's about or why you would think it's not homophobic I might well have missed something. I don't know what the kids say half the time.

Short king? (who is Tom Holland?)
Zesty?

Never heard these phrases.

give Google a try

Completely unacceptable. I know plenty of men in their forties who would never use the word gay as an insult. These men sound immature and nasty.

Calling someone with red hair an angry ginge should definitely not be passed off as acceptable language.

This was a thing 20+ years ago but i havent heard it for years

I overheard boys in DD(10) class using it like this. It shocked me because I thought that had truly died out.

I’m a primary school teacher, with teen children of my own, two of whom are gay. I’ve seen a real rise in the use of gay slurs in recent years, including ‘zesty’. I always pull the children up on it. At my school, any racial slurs are rightly treated severely. Gay slurs not so much. Surely all protected characteristics should be treated the same. It’s a fight I continue to fight.

Since when has “angry ginge” been OK to say??

Those that haven’t heard it for 30 years can’t have much contact with young adults. Zesty is a new one for me though.

Also older people do still use it in its original sense, which may cause confusion if the full context is unclear.

I've had to pull DS1 up on this. "But we don't mean it in a bad way, even the gay kids at school aren't bothered by it!" Still not acceptable mate.

I haven’t heard anything like this for at least a decade. You’re right it’s not acceptable. That said, I can’t get massively worked up over it; most people know it’s not something you should do.

They are.
They just cant show it. Because showing weakness opens more doors.

Sadly, this type of language, disguised as ‘banter’, is still rife in secondary schools. Absolutely should be challenged and is unacceptable

I know.

To YOU it may not be acceptable, but to the younger generation it is.

We older ones have to realise words and meanings change. I was shocked when my D called herself "queer" as when I was younger that was an insult.

The more we older ones realise that young people have their own language and stop policing it, the better.

No, thankfully not! I thought this was in a minority amongst teens these days

Ask the gay teens how they feel.
They ate bothered by it.