Is it normal for some people to take an instant dislike?

[Grapevinegallery]

Do you ever wonder why people take a dislike to you?

have just come back from holiday where I met a nice group of people ( group tour).

there was one woman on the trip who clearly didn’t like me. We were sitting next to each other for dinner on the first evening and I thought we’d got on well. Perfectly normal conversation- nothing controversial.

she then spent the rest of the trip avoiding me, or avoiding being in my company if we’d split into smaller groups ( for activities etc.). it was really noticeable. I didn’t openly discuss it with others as didn’t know any of them that well. ( solo tour). But I noticed that another person on the holiday spotted it one evening and seemed puzzled by it.

I’m completely at a loss to what I’ve done. I’ve been on quite a few group holidays over the years ( I’m in my 40’) and I understand that not everyone is your cup of tea, but ive always made an effort with people I don’t massively get on with. I’d need to find someone really awful before I basically ignored them for an entire trip.

i have noticed this happening on a few occasions over the years. For context, I’m generally an open and friendly person who gets along with most people. I have a wide circle of friends- many of whom I’ve known for years. But every now and again ( I’d say 4 people in last 15 years) I meet people who seem repelled by me.

is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

I have occasionally noticed this and also felt like this about someone - sometimes for fairly minor reasons.

if it is something that happens to you often or you feel like maybe there is something more to it then I’d pause for thought yourself and have a wonder about how you might be interacting with others - if it is only occasional then maybe just chalk it down to a numbers game - everyone will meet people they just aren’t keen on for many reasons.

I wonder if it was something as simple as you reminding her of someone she didn't like? I used to work as a freelance and one job I had it was clear that the woman running the desk hated me on sight. She was hostile towards me but no one else on the desk from the moment I sat down. Weird

A million reasons she might dislike you many of which might be unconscious

Maybe you looked like a teacher that humiliated her.

maybe you wear the same perfume as her aunt who has just died

maybe you laugh just like her best friend who stole her 1st boyfriend

maybe she felt threatened by your confidence, good looks, table manners

List is endless

definately a her problem whatever.

Don’t worry about it.

Spend time with people who do get on with you .

I found that kind of quick negative judgement in people often comes either through complete arrogance or more commonly, deep insecurity. She potentially felt threatened by you. Are you generally upbeat and social in a crowd?

I haven't. Because when I meet new people I'm pretty 'beige'. Give little of myself, respond rather than lead the conversation, ask rather than tell etc until I get the measure of whether I like them or not. As a result, casual acquaintances invariably think I'm 'nice', but I hardly set the world on fire.
People who are more likely to let their personalities show will always run the risk of some people not liking them. However they may also reap the benefits of having other people like them a lot, so its swings and roundabouts.

I think I’m reasonably self aware and my job demands good interpersonal skills. So I don’t think I’m generally rude.
i should probably just ignore it. But I find it strange because I’d never react in this way to someone I barely knew in a group situation.

it’s just not something I’d ever do.

I’ve occasionally found someone irritating to start with and as I’ve got to know them, have warmed to them. So I’d never write someone off immediately.

I’m a pretty upbeat, chatty person. I agree that it probably says more about them than me. But it does make me question if I’m the problem!

The only times i've taken an instant dislike to someone has been for being either rude, prejudicial, seedy/creepy, or just very superficial and shallow. I will generally try to be polite, but if their behaviour is offensive i will just avoid.

Sometimes i can find perfectly nice, reasonable people annoying or grating just because they are overly talkative or excessively "bubbly". Others really like those people and gravitate to them, so i tend to see it as my problem, not theirs. We're allowed to all be different and like different people, i like quieter people, deep conversations and dry humour. Likewise many people have found they don't get on with me, that's fine i don't need someone to like me i wouldn't fine that troubling, and it wouldn't make me feel there was something wrong with me or them.

I suspect there is just something she couldn't get on with about you. She shouldn't have been rude about it though, that's her failing not yours.

You probably remind her of someone she disliked in the past. This is her problem.

Trying to understand why is a waste of time. I'm sure it has happened to most - including me - it's not worth picking apart.

Just read some celebrity threads. There's so many opinions about one person - love/hate - and some of the reasons given for disliking someone are insane!

i should probably just ignore it. But I find it strange because I’d never react in this way to someone I barely knew in a group situation.
it’s just not something I’d ever do.

She may have picked up on elements of your character (judginess? chippiness? competitiveness? A need to be liked by all?) that you keep well hidden, even from yourself.

We are human, social, tribal animals, we dont like everyone we come across and sometimes that is for no apparent reason at all. Nothing wrong with that.

Don’t think I’m judgemental at all. I’m pretty easy going and not especially a people pleaser.

When I made the comment about it not being something I’d do, it’s not a judgement- just an observation. I’d been trying to put myself in her shoes- we all meet people we don’t like. But I just found her behaviour so different to how I’d react.

your post is interesting though as it shows how people can interpret things differently.

I can take an instant dislike though it’s very rare. DH has criticised me for this but I’m never wrong.

There is one thing I am very aware is wrong of me though and that is if anyone reminds me of my evil little sister. She is evil she ran off with big sisters DH. I just feel negative about them but I’m self aware so counter my initial gut reaction with an internal telling myself off.

I've never given it much thought. Some people naturally gravitate towards others, some don't. I don't think it's always a dislike, some people just aren't drawn towards each other or don't have compatible personalities. You say you've got lots of friends and get on well with others so there's no need to question why some people don't want to talk to you. Just carry on being you and leave them to be them.

I just figure its peoples gut instinct. You werent meant to be civil or mates with them. I know i irritate people.

I know we're not meant to say this but I got a lot of hate when younger as I was attractive. In an all female work place I had a person blatantly hate me due to it. I didnt realise at the time being young and pretty really grinded her and thought i was in the wrong. I wasn't.

I know if I was on a solo tour with a bunch of people I didn’t know I’d gravitate towards people who were friendly, open, fun, chatty, didn’t talk about themselves the whole time, made me laugh and I guess just seemed normal. The bar wouldn’t have to be particularly high considering they’re just people I’d be spending a short amount of time with. I’d avoid quiet people who took a long time to get to know cos there’s just not the time for that. I’d also avoid people I found boring eg. going on about themselves, not asking me any questions etc or just not talking much. I hate awkward silences. Although i also wouldn’t like someone asking me too many personal questions. Maybe you did one of those things? It’s also important to ask yourself if you liked her…if you didn’t particularly like her then maybe you just weren’t aligned, although for her to actively avoid you is weird and definitely says more about her than you. I wouldn’t give it anymore headspace and focus on people you get along with

How do you know it was because you were attractive?

It does seem like it’s happening to you fairly often, sorry! I’m in my sixties and can only remember it happening once, and with hindsight I know exactly why that particular woman took an instant dislike to me.

You say you are very chatty. Maybe people find that overwhelming? Or do you have any views that people might find controversial?

Without knowing you it’s hard to know what is going on. Do you have a trusted friend you could ask?

Because she did that strange thing were she tried to humble me regarding my looks regularly and publicly hence making herself look like an utter tit.

Yes, its perfectly normal. Not everyone is going to like you. They will have their own reasons for this which in all probability will have nothing to do with you. Forget about them and move on.

Why do you think this happens @Grapevinegallery

Is it because they are insecure and you trigger jealousy?

Is it because of some social faux pas’s you do that you might not be aware of?

Does it matter? You clearly got on well with a majority of people there and we can never be everyone’s cup of tea.

If it really matters it might be worth asking someone who would be honest with you and make sure you are telling them for personal growth reasons.

I know I sound like my dm here, but are they jealous? Dm always said this - sometimes it’s true, sometimes not.

One person who seemed to instantly dislike me was sil. I have no idea why, neither does dh. We have never had a cross word, but she is icier than the iciest ice with me, despite her having a wide circle of friends and a close family. If we are at family event, I turn into an awkward jibbering idiot in her presence, stuttering out over-the-top polite conversation, as she looks coldly through me whilst speaking to everyone else super-animatedly.

Yes, the point about that you may remind them of someone who has hurt or upset you is well made.

She just didn’t like you. It’s not that complicated. Being chatty and upbeat isn’t going to mean you’re liked by e everyone you meet. What seems far odder to me is that you seem quite aggrieved by the fact that she didn’t make an effort to conceal it, as you say you would have done. It’s obviously fine that you would conceal your dislike, but it’s also fine that she chose differently. She didn’t pick a fight, she just kept out of your way and didn’t engage.