AIBU to mind that my partner looks through my phone?

[Beachlover1993]

AIBU that my DP looks through my phone or am i just being silly

I'd be absolutely furious if my DH looked through my phone. What's he looking for?!

No, of course you’re not. It’s rude, unacceptable and a big red flag to go through someone’s phone.

Have you told him not to? Are there any other issues in your relationship?

YANBU- I couldn’t live like that.

Put a passcode on it.

well on here we are told ''if they are not doing anything wrong they have nothing to worry about'' but you know the answer

yes there is a double standard

I know dh’s password and he knows mine but neither of us would nosey through the others phone. I’ve used his phone to search something with his permission and likewise him with my phone but would read messages etc that’s just invading privacy.

My ex used to go through my phone to find evidence I was cheating (I wasn’t).
Turns out, it was so easy for him to cheat on me I must be doing the same!

It’s a huge invasion of privacy. Make sure your partner realises that you are not happy for them to do so and ensure that you change your passcode so they can’t access it.

Not ok
In our house, we ask first, and respect a no if you hear it.

Is this a serious question?

Of COURSE YANBU to 'mind' him looking through your phone. Have you told him you don't want him to?

Absolutely not okay.

My DH asks before using my phone as do I. For example I can’t find mine and have to look something up or more likely I can’t find mine so need his to call it. We know each other’s passcodes. I would be very upset if he went through my messages without a very specific reason that I had consented to. It isn’t just about my privacy it’s about the privacy of my friends and family.

I assume that DH is looking at the same boring old shite as me when he’s scrolling. For him, footie, D&D, news, cat videos… Who he’s talking to, I don’t ask. Where he goes, I don’t ask. Vice versa. That’s his life, this is mine.

DH and I never checked each other's phones. It would have been a huge invasion of privacy and a line crossed.

I have never suggested on here that anyone delves into their partner's phone though I do see others doing so. I that doing so is a sticky wicket.

Are you able to pick up his phone and look through it whenever you want? If not this is a huge red flag.

No. Its like someone going through your handbag. It's very controlling.

Is this a one off or a regular thing? I would think it’s very intrusive personally.

I’d be amazed if my DH looked through my phone if im honest he’s so not got a clue about technology his phone is absolutely prehistoric. It’s not even about trust for me I think both of us having come out of shocking first marriages into our one both of us are very Que serrah serrah. I do understand and empathise though OP if you have those boundaries and he’s crossed them then yes I’d be upset.

I’ve never once felt the need to look through my DH’s phone and he’s never looked through mine.

Maybe we are odd but DH and I swap phones all the time. Its not like I would deliberately go looking for something but equally I hand him my phone or he hands me his most days for one reason or another.

This is not normal.
Insisting on looking at your phone is controlling and coercive.
Coercive control is a crime.

Have you said no?
If you have and he insists, that is abusive and you need to take it very seriously.

Reach out to a local domestic abuse charity for a chat and support.

Outrageous. I would dump him

Yes this is you stay with him. And don't give it to him

This would be a deal breaker and a complete invasion of privacy and trust in the relationship. There’s a difference between your partner occasionally perhaps using your phone to look something up / call someone if more convenient or you are not able to such as driving, but with your clear awareness and permission that it is happening and not overstepping to doing anything else or general prying and using it outside of the clear relevant situation.

He has trust issues.