AIBU to mind that my partner looks through my phone?

[Beachlover1993]

AIBU that my DP looks through my phone or am i just being silly

It’s a huge red flag that you think that’s normal to do 😳

Why does he do that? Does he let you look through his?
I have WhatsApp/texts conversations with friends that are private, emails etc. My DH wouldn’t be interested and never asked to look at my phone. It just seems like a trust issue, and your partner doesn’t trust you.

So change the passcode!!!!

Yanbu change your code

Why is he looking through your phone. Get a pin lock on it.

OH and I have never looked at each others phones.

We will both pick up and use each others phone if it is to hand rather than finding our own.

Mine uses fingerprint ID.

Dh and I play a cross platform game together so will use whoever’s phone is available if we need to google for game help but we don’t search through each others phones like a private investigator.

I know my partners passcode and he mine (I think?) he'll frequently tell me to use his phone if mines not to hand, running out of battery etc. I've nothing to hide on mine and he nothing from me. But I'd never go into it without him knowing or go snooping for anything. I'll leave mine open when I'm going to have a shower, cook food etc as I have a long time out on mine before it closes down, and it wouldn't bother me if he looked. But and this is the big but, we respect each others privacy.

What do you mean by "looks through" it? Is he actually checking it in the way we're all thinking?

This! My DH CAN’T do that because he doesn’t know the passcode.

Does he know that you know he does this? And if so, what does he say about it?

Not normal, not ok. Put a passcode on it, or fingerprint unlock. And tell him VERY firmly that this sort of thing is totally unacceptable and not to happen again.

How does he react when you go out with a group of friends without him?

I wouldn’t like it and would change the pin.

Has he been doing so since the start of your relationship? And why? What's his reason?

Nope, if DP went through my phone it would be a guaranteed relationship ender. I couldn't even say that about cheating, but I've got no interest in someone who'd invade my privacy.

That’s a hard no from me. Very weird and controlling, If he has a concern about your behaviour, he should ask you about it.

No, this is not ok.

I know DH's pass code and he has occasionally asked me to check something on his phone for him when he hasn't had his hands free. I would never look at it otherwise.

I don't actually know if he knows mine. My dd definitely does! It isn't secret but I don't think he's interested. He never looks at it and I wouldn't want him to. Not because I have anything to hide - I don't - but because it would feel like a very unnecessary invasion of my privacy.

I would not let anyone look through my phone. My ex and I never looked through each others phones.

Neither DH nor I have a passcode on our phone, but then I probably send about three texts a week and occasionally take a photo of the dog.

DH answers his phone if friends ring him. I don't think he knows how to text.

He is very welcome to look through my phone and I would be through his, but I would still find it peculiar if I found him going through my phone without asking. It's a bit rude.

Conversely, it annoys me if he needs money for something and I direct him to my handbag which he dutifully brings over to hand to me. I constantly say 'Just rummage through the damn thing and find my purse, ffs,' but he seems to think my handbag might be private.

You have major issues either way.

It depends.

Legitimate concerns or suspicions about things like cheating, addiction, etc? By all means have a look.

Everything else? Yeah that’s not okay.

Not on. I have no issue with DH using my phone or looking something up if it's handier but no he would not go through it like that.

If you are using your phone to browse MN, then he's going to find this thread, isn't he?

If he was looking just to have a look at family photos or something like that, I wouldnt care. If he was looking to go through my messages and spy on me, then I wouldnt like that at all.