AIBU to feel hurt after being told it was family only?

[beehappy19]

One of my friends who i would class as a close friend was getting married. She told me it was a small wedding with family only for the ceremony with friends coming on the evening. Although I was a bit upset by this (I never mentioned this to her) as I’d have loved to have been there the full day I completely understood as it’s their wedding and they should do what they want.

The wedding arrives and it’s a small venue so the wedding guests are outside when we arrive at the hotel. When walking past to check into the room I spot two of the brides friends. I’ve never met them before but I’ve seen photos and they definitely aren’t family.
They are friends she went to school with so I know she’s known them a long time but I feel hurt by this as I was told all friends were going for the evening.

I’ve known my friend almost 7 years and we are godparents to each other’s children. We do a lot together and see each other most weeks with the children and we’ve been on holiday together.
The friends at the wedding weren’t even invited to her children’s baptisms.

I would never mention anything to her as I do accept it’s her day and she can invite who she likes but am I being unreasonable to be hurt by this?

You can be a good friend but not as close as family. Old school friends may feel more like that to your friend.

Well, you can feel hurt if you want, but I do think your reaction is odd.

Are you sure they hadn't just arrived before you? Or maybe they invited her to their wedding and she felt obligated to have them there. It is hurtful but weddings always throw up difficulties so if she is a good friend and you enjoy her company l would let it go.

She obviously considers them as close as family. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a close friend, it’s not a competition. YABU

I would describe our wedding as just family but my best friend of 30 years was there. Much as I love all my friends, she sits apart and I consider her family so wouldn’t distinguish.

YABU. Friends you've known from school days is pretty close to family, particularly if your families were close growing up. There could be all manner of reasons why they got a day invite.

She was hardly going to say "just family and 2 school friends"

My school friends know my family. We had a bridesmaid pact. We effectively are extended family.
Seven years is nothing- you could change job, or your children change school, and never see them again.
Childhood friends have already stood the test of a few changes of circumstance.

Could they have had further to travel than most other friends? There were people at my wedding who we would probably have had to the evening only if we just considered how close we were in terms of friendship and if day numbers were tight, but they had to travel a few hours and stay overnight so it only seemed fair to invite them to the whole day including a proper meal etc.

Why is it odd? Our families see each other all the time.

The opposite actually. The wedding was in her home town so her friends already live there.
I had to travel for 2 hours which I absolutely didn’t mind doing

It’s ok to feel hurt. I feel hurt when I’m not invited to things even if i understand the reason and would never mention it. Feel what you feel and you’ll soon be over it and never think of it again.

People become precious around weddings. I hate it. Just invite your close friends fgs. Hurtful OP, I’m with you.

If she was with a couple of colleagues she’d known for a few years then I could understand your upset.

But these are old SCHOOL FRIENDS who she’s presumably known for many, many years.

I honestly can’t grasp how you can look at this and think you’re being reasonable.

If you’re hurt, you’re hurt. But I’m not sure why, given that there’s a clear rationale for them being there and you not being there in your own post. I’d just attend what I’m invited to, have a good time, and wish them well.

I would have thought that being godmothers to each other's children would make you close enough friends to be invited to the whole wedding, if other close friends from school were invited.

You aren't being unreasonable to be hurt but you shouldn't say anything as it will just create bad feeling.

Yes and this is exactly why I feel hurt about it. Our families see each other weekly and I know I couldn’t have done the same to her if things were reversed.
I absolutely would never say anything to her. I wouldn’t let it ruin our friendship.

I understand it’s hurtful but old school friends will know her family so it’s a different relationship.

When you read this you realise how hurtful families must find it when their children elope and marry without inviting them. This happened to friends of my parents, the mum was very, very upset by it. There was no rift, just a preference to do it quietly.

Because the friends she invited to her wedding are never at any of her family parties for the children. They also weren’t invited to her children’s christenings either. This is why I felt hurt as our families see each other all the time.

I'm quite a sensitive person but I think I would be understanding here. If she has known these two friends all her life she's probably closer to them than many members of her family. Doesn't mean she doesn't value your friendship a lot. You'll probably find that other members of her family are close to these two women too and see them as family also.
Although you're close, if she and her husband to be have just you and three other close-ish friends between them, and then invite all other halves and possibly kids too, the numbers can quickly spiral out of control - then it starts to get awkward when work friends and slightly more distant family members realise that the wedding was larger than they felt they were led to believe...

But the friends you socialise along with your children are not the same as your adult friends. I’d not invite an adult friend to my child’s party. Just the children and their parents.

I have friends I see often who I’ve known for 5/6 years. We’re very good friends and share a lot. But my school friends are like family, we’ve known each version of each other since we were 4. We see each other 2 or 3 times a year, text sometimes but not all the time… but they are friends that will still be friends at 70, not just while we live locally with kids the same age.

If youre that upset then cut her out of your life. Otherwise stop bleating.

Do the friends have children?

Were they actually at the ceremony or just around as they are local

How close can you be if you've never even met her life long friends