AIBU to feel hurt after being told it was family only?

[beehappy19]

One of my friends who i would class as a close friend was getting married. She told me it was a small wedding with family only for the ceremony with friends coming on the evening. Although I was a bit upset by this (I never mentioned this to her) as I’d have loved to have been there the full day I completely understood as it’s their wedding and they should do what they want.

The wedding arrives and it’s a small venue so the wedding guests are outside when we arrive at the hotel. When walking past to check into the room I spot two of the brides friends. I’ve never met them before but I’ve seen photos and they definitely aren’t family.
They are friends she went to school with so I know she’s known them a long time but I feel hurt by this as I was told all friends were going for the evening.

I’ve known my friend almost 7 years and we are godparents to each other’s children. We do a lot together and see each other most weeks with the children and we’ve been on holiday together.
The friends at the wedding weren’t even invited to her children’s baptisms.

I would never mention anything to her as I do accept it’s her day and she can invite who she likes but am I being unreasonable to be hurt by this?

Sorry but this, you said you traveled 2hrs for the wedding? I can’t imagine many people would travel a 4hr trip for a child’s birthday party

Yanbu to be hurt
She is nbu to have a select couple of friends there.
i would just move on from this tbh

Relegating anyone to evening guests is pretty shit, in honesty especially when travelling is involved. Evening places are usually saved for work colleagues/hobby friends and not close ones.

I think I'd want to reassess how I saw her as a friend going forwards, maybe the friendship is more one sided than you realised and perhaps a gentle step back may protect you from being hurt like this again.

You’re not being unreasonable to feel how you feel. I am guessing you’re in the category of “mum friend”. This is different from someone you’ve known all your life. When you go back a long way, it’s a different level. She has said “family only” as a diplomatic way of not having to explain that a few extras fall under that umbrella.

As with anything, you don’t know all the facts so it’s going to be best for you to try to move on. I dwell on these things too so I do get it. Perhaps just bear in mind sometimes that you and she are not as close as you thought. But you can still be friends.

Exactly. Maybe she has you in the “children friends” category.

Why is it odd? Our families see each other all the time.

I see the postman all the time and think that he's a lovely fella but that doesn't mean I'd invite him to my wedding!

Just because she sees a lot of you doesn't make you a closer or better friend than her oldest ones. Quality not quantity as the saying goes.

Nah I’m with you on this, OP. That was a deliberate shun. I’d walk away from this one-sided friendship and find better. What a bitch

Well she certainly shouldn’t “sit apart” what a shitty way to treat all your other friends! Who has a friendship hierarchy!?

Everyone surely?? I’ve got a friend I’d literally give a kidney too, other friends I certainly wouldn’t. Of course you don’t have the same level of love and closeness with every person you’re friends with

Who hasn’t? It’s ludicrous to suggest that every friendship you have is equal.

Everyone has a friendship hierarchy! Someone I've known for 30 years and who has been there through thick and thin and both of us repeatedly moving countries etc etc is going to come ahead of a much more recent or situational friend, genuinely fond of the latter though I am!

It sounds like it was a very small wedding.
It’s totally fine to feel upset. However, let it go.
I was in a similar situation with a friend I met through work. Before her wedding I took her out for lunch, bought her a gift. I didn’t even get an invite to her evening do! Yet saw pictures of another work colleague who was invited to the entire wedding. They are not close but this other colleague happens to know the groom’s mother. I assume the parents paid for the wedding and so dictated the guest list.
I no longer work with this woman but we still bump into each other and she always chats and makes a beeline for me when our paths cross.

I find this attitude fascinating because the evening is the fun bit, the wedding ceremony is the boring bit. I'd be delighted to be relegated and not have to sit through the cringeworthy pantomime that is wedding vows. But that aside, YABU OP because clearly she had a very small wedding. It's not like she invited every other friend except you. Unless it is a personal slight like that, I fail to see why people get so wound up over wedding guest lists.

I agree! I don’t get the hate for evening ‘relegation’ - that is the best bit.

OP, you are reading far too much into this. But either move or scale back the friendship. You are being ridiculous.

Try to reframe it in your head. It's not that she's closer friends with them, it's that they are closer with her family (parents, siblings) as they grew up together.

If you're told the wedding is family only and you later find out this is not true how is it odd to wonder why they lied?

What a nasty post.

So youre good enough to be active godparents but not for their wedding? Yeah i think thats odd

Was it a church wedding? Maybe they went to the service but not wedding breakfast? Churches are public places, and anyone can go to a wedding.

Maybe they had a couple of last minute drop outs, so these school friends filled the void?

My wedding was family only.

Our parents, dh sister and nephew.

But also my friend who I have known since I was 7, and her husband who I went to nursery school with, and thier two children. They may not be blood, but they are my family.

Maybe they’re not really fond of children hence why they weren’t godmothers, maybe they were unable to attend for one reason or another.

I’d imagine everyone? No one has the exact same level of relationship or even depth of friendship with every friend; that’s impossible.

Some people are pleased to only be invited to the evening do. They don't have to hang around all day, possibly for several hours, waiting for the meal, and surrounded by people they maybe don't know.

How do you know they had been to the wedding and weren't just checking in like you? Or had popped in to see the bridal party but weren't seated for the ceremony or meal?