AIBU to leave a higher paid toxic job for less?

[Nobodyiswatching]

……..You had an absolutely terrible relationship with your line manager who was making the higher paid job hell on earth. This is me at the moment. I have a job that pays 19k more than the job I’ve applied for (and the lower paid job is far nicer and a more enjoyable role.) Current job is dreadful as I just cannot work under the manager - she talks down to me, is doing everything she can to put me on performance measures and generally hates my guts. I can’t even address it with her direct manager because he has already told me he fully supports her management of me. It’s a totally toxic work situation and I just need out.

I could (just about) survive on the lower salary but the other drawback is it’s a fixed term contract for a year. So no guarantee of work after that. But my current situation is so bad I am beginning to feel mentally quite unwell, even though it’s a fairly well-paid role.

Anyone else been in this situation? Did you stick it out and take the money or cut and run? It’s a truly nasty environment I work in at the moment and so I’m just trying to work out what is for the best. I have a family to support but DH is the main breadwinner.

Thanks x

Lower paid job sounds like a good idea, especially as you aren’t performing well in the current role, it’d be better to get out now before going on performance measures. Can you not look for a job that pays a bit more than the one you’ve applied for though?

I'd get out. I've not been in exactly this situation but I have stayed for far too long in a toxic work environment, ended up stressed out and unwell.

Can you try looking for a job that pays the same?

I walked out of a well paid job when the new boss turned out to be a horrendous misogynist who told me he and the other directors didn’t like the fact I was paid similar to the male directors. Didn’t have a job to go to but took any fixed term contract offered and work my way back to what I was earning. Better to jump than be pushed!

good luck!

I've just bailed from a job as it was making me so ill there was no way to stay. I'm picking up temp work for now, which is quite a pay cut, but I really had no choice. If you can find a job now, before you end up so stressed you're sick then I'd take it. Even if it's only a year long. It could well be extended and even if it's not, you've got a year to think about what to do next.

It's a big step for a fixed term contract. Have you considered asking for part time? Your manager will still be an arse but you'll have more down time and less stress and it will still be a permanent job. It is for them to justify why you can't go part time rather than for you to explain why you should.

Otherwise, hold on for a permanent alternative.

If your roof needed fixing at a cost of £19k would you spend it or would you let the house rot?
It's never an easy call, you need to talk to your DH, but make sure you protect yourself because you're all you've got.

I wouldn't stay in a job that was causing me this much stress. You have some slack built into the system, I am sure. I often say "I can't afford to earn less" but what I actually mean is "I don't want to take stop doing nice things with my spare money". It seems that the situation is similar here. The thing is, you can always make more money but you can't make more time or more health.
There is another issue of the threat of performance improvement. Once they do manage to put you on one, say goodbye to a clean reference. Better to leave now.
Fixed term contracts, in my experience, are not as scary as they sound. My previous job was fixed term, it got extended as soon as we were half way through the term. My current job started as a fixed term contract, I was made permanent after 2,5 years. Of course, this may well be industry-specific but still..
Talk to your husband and see if you can make it work for a year. And keep looking for plan B which affords you more security and more money.

@Catza

I often say "I can't afford to earn less" but what I actually mean is "I don't want to take stop doing nice things with my spare money". It seems that the situation is similar here.

Very true - wise words

I’ve been there. Took a £20k pay cut. But being tearful on the train into work every day was not worth it. Now I’m back up to my original salary but in a job I love.

Take the lower paid one if you can make it work financially.

You’ll leave your current role sooner or later, so might as well be with another job to go to.

Mental health over wealth.

I'd definitely take the lower paid job OP. Years ago I was in a very similar position, and was going home every night crying and feeling like I just couldn't do it any more. In the end I spoke to my DH and my Mum, who both said that no job was worth feeling like that. I'd been applying for jobs for a couple of weeks, and had a few interviews, so went in next morning, and put my resignation on the bosses desk. I was waiting for her to call me into her office, when my phone rang, it was an agency who I'd interviewed through, ringing to offer me a job with considerably less money, than I had been earning. However, rather than risk being unemployed, I accepted, thinking that I could always move on again if I really couldn't manage financially. However, as it turned out, it was the best decision I ever made! The new job was great, I was happier there than I'd been anywhere else, and two years later, when I became disabled, I couldn't believe my luck, because the company I'd moved to had illness insurance. To cut a long story short, this insurance paid me almost my full wage, with a 5% pay increase, or cost of inflation each year, and also paid my pension contributions. I haven't been able to work again since, and am SO glad that I took a leap of faith, and accepted that job, which saw me though years and years of what would otherwise been a very tough time financially.

Yes, I’ve been in a very similar situation recently and have got out. I was able to find a job on similar pay, although forgoing a few benefits, absolutely the best decision. My mental health and confidence had taken a nosedive and life is too short for that.

Be careful. In taking a new job it should be the new job that attracts you as opposed to it being an exit plan from one you don't like. Bad jobs can really affect your confidence, mood and mental state. There are some parallels with relationships. Be confident you aren't leaving a troublesome one and taking a new one straight away, as if on the rebound. Also if you are stressed out you might not interview well. An interviewer will be looking for confidence that the applicant truly wants the new job.

I’ve twice got out and taken a pay cut. The first time the job role (more varied than the job I left albeit a lower grade) actually put me in a better position to apply for leadership post two years later and, within three years I was earning more than I had.
The second time it was a pay cut for the same role but a different employer who was paying less as a starting salary but it was a much less toxic environment. It was worth it and again, I now earn more than I would had I stayed with the original employer.
It’s a pinch but sometimes it’s not a bad strategy as you’re in a much better place mentally if and when you go for something else again in the future. I definitely felt more capable and confident at interviews after having had a spell out of a toxic workplace - was more sure of myself and my capabilities once I knew I’d proved them and I was somewhere where they were valued.

I've been in this position very recently - I really sympathise. I decided to stay and tough it out because we'd just moved house and needed the money. It was hard and my toxic boss never really changed. But I did find ways to handle him better and I was surprised by how I was able to cope day by day even when it seemed impossible. I guess it depends on how much you need the money versus what your other options are. Hope it goes well for you.

I'm don't know what field you're in, but myself & a few colleagues all left a toxic workplace over 6-12 months. We all went via different routes, all Fixed Term or Temp contracts. 4 years on, we've all moved on at least once but never been out of work. I've been at the same place for 3 years now. It was the best thing that I / We ever did - taking that leap of faith & accepting the risk.

I moved from my very stressful NHS job to a job with similar pay but had to drop from 3 to 2 days to do it so effectively took a 1/3 pay cut, but it was absolutely worth it, and it wasn't long until they were able to offer me another day. There is a lot of value to being happy at work even if it means a pay cut - you have a decent chance of building up again even if you don't end up earning as much as you could have done in your previous job.

I would definitely leave and take the temp job.

Your physical and mental health are more important.

Your manager is not going to change and you know that the organisation is not going to do anything to address her behaviour, so there is no point in staying in that toxic environment that will never improve.

I hung on, and he made me redundant, it was a very stressful time. I ended up jumping into a completely different field with similar money, 1.5 years later I’ve been offered a 20% pay rise in a job I love and absolutely thrive in.

I guess my point is, it could get worse if she decides to put you on a PIP or make you redundant, best to move before you’re pushed

About 30 years ago I was in a similar position.
I was in a job I didn't enjoy, mainly because of how I was being treated by my manager. The location and 9-5 hours meant it was harder to look for other jobs (things weren't online in the same way as now, so adverts were in the job centre, local paper etc, and sometimes you needed to physically collect application forms).

I was fortunate to still be living at home, and had the support of my parents to leave. I left to go to a casual contract, so no security on how long the post would be for.

However the fact it wasn't permanent didn't matter to me, because if I didn't take that job, I would have been leaving to no job. I felt as if my health was more important than staying in a job where I felt as I did.

I was at that job for 5 months, before moving to a full time job, that I have been in for nearly 30 years.

Harder when you have commitments, but leaving was the best decision.

You and DH need to look at the whole situation and do what will be right for you long term.
Staying for the extra money, but ending up ill, may not be the best long term.

However, if the drop in money would impact on things such as being able to pay for essentials, then you could be changing one bad situation for another.
Include some practical short term measures to cut back on expenses too if there are any. I was in a situation where my parents could provide the financial support. In my current job when I went on maternity leave and went part time afterwards , a factor we considered was that we had overpaid the mortgage, so could reduce payments for a period of time if needed (which fortunately it wasn't).
Good luck whatever you choose.

If you arent happy leave. Probably not a wise move to go over your managers head to the next level?

£19k (minus tax) not worth the stress…BUT you frame this as a binary choice when it probably isn’t? Find somewhere that values your skillset and negotiate a pay rise- in general I expect a 20% minimum pay rise when I change companies. Could you negotiate the new role?what other roles are out there? For a fixed term role I would expect the, to pay a premium.

i totally hear you though - currently leaving a very toxic job. I probably would have taken same wage, but managed to get a 25% uplift- you just need to know your value in the market.

You cannot put a price on your health and wellbeing. My vote would be to take the lower-paid job, even though it is a fixed contract for a year.

Could you stick it out at your current workplace for another year anyway? Highly unlikely, and you'd be worse off with wrecked mental health, probably on long-term sick leave, and with no job to go to.

Get out of there.