AIBU to leave a higher paid toxic job for less?

[Nobodyiswatching]

……..You had an absolutely terrible relationship with your line manager who was making the higher paid job hell on earth. This is me at the moment. I have a job that pays 19k more than the job I’ve applied for (and the lower paid job is far nicer and a more enjoyable role.) Current job is dreadful as I just cannot work under the manager - she talks down to me, is doing everything she can to put me on performance measures and generally hates my guts. I can’t even address it with her direct manager because he has already told me he fully supports her management of me. It’s a totally toxic work situation and I just need out.

I could (just about) survive on the lower salary but the other drawback is it’s a fixed term contract for a year. So no guarantee of work after that. But my current situation is so bad I am beginning to feel mentally quite unwell, even though it’s a fairly well-paid role.

Anyone else been in this situation? Did you stick it out and take the money or cut and run? It’s a truly nasty environment I work in at the moment and so I’m just trying to work out what is for the best. I have a family to support but DH is the main breadwinner.

Thanks x

I did exactly this a couple of years ago, I’d taken a job with a decent payrise in a new industry thinking a change would be good.

It was an awful, micromanaging toxic environment and I hated every minute of it, I couldn’t get out quick enough!!

I took a contract role back at my old company, with a pay cut, but honestly it was so worth it for my own wellbeing, mental health, and confidence.

I’ve now ended up in another role in my same industry with a bigger pay rise and loving it, don’t stay anywhere you hate so much, life is too short.

In your situation I would consider leaving without any job lined up so 12 months FTC on a lower salary is a positive in that sense.

I would keep looking for work though, the 12 months will fly by and don't feel obliged to serve the full term if a new job starts earlier.

@Tryinghardertoo

Bad jobs can really affect your confidence, mood and mental state.

I know. I’m in one right now

I know someone who has moved back to our company after leaving to go elsewhere, probably at around 16k less than they were on at the new place because the stress and the working environment were absolutely terrible. They are SO much happier and absolutely no regrets.

Take the lower paid job. Life is too short. I currently have less than half of what I used to have coming in. It's surprising how u can economise. I have been doing ad hoc bank work till something more relevant crops up. It will be less pay but less stressful

You mean you’re just applying for the new job, you haven’t been offered the role yet?

I took an effective 100k payout... I have ZERO regrets.
My mental health being destroyed

Get out. Sometimes you try and tough it out but it gets to a point where your mental/physical health deteriorate to such a point the choice is forced upon you and you’re not in the best place to showcase yourself for a new opportunity.

I did similar and regretted the move. My destroyed confidence really impacted on the new job, I missed the previous field I was in and, worse, when I then got diagnosed with stage 3 cancer I hadn't built up very much sick pay. I wish I'd remained with the original employer but moved to a different role. Is that an option for you?

I just want to say, for anyone going through this right now, please look after yourself. It is very very damaging. Work is work and so forth but management colleagues should be supportive of you when you are in a bad place. Mine have offered nothing - just frustration and coldness. Once you've seen it you can't unsee it. A smile and a little bit of warmth go miles.

I've actually handed in my notice now - I can't bear it anymore. Every day I wake up with dread. I haven't even got another job to go to but I just can't stick this treatment any longer - I do think @MurphysColeslaw is correct - if you're in this kind of situation, you just need to get out. No matter what because it destroys you piece by piece until there's no confidence left. Now I'm going through it I can tell you just how dreadful it is. But to anyone else in the same boat - get the f*ck out whilst you still have the strength.

Glad to hear you're getting out Nobodyiswatching. It can take a while to unwind all the stress, but you won't regret leaving.

I'm pleased to read that you've given your notice in OP. People don't realise until they've been in this situation how absolutely soul destroying it can be, and it doesn't just affect work life, but home life and relationships too.

Wishing you the very best of luck in finding a suitable new job soon. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

Good luck op.

Being happy at work counts for more than we think. Yes work is work, but we spend many hours working, if you’re not getting on with someone or the job makes you miserable it’s going to start affecting you outside of work too. I’m going through something similar myself. Got a new manager who I’m not sure on, it seems they’re nice when things are going well but if there’s an issue you need help with they can get impatient and a bit mean. I’m not sure I can work under that style long term. At the moment it’s not so bad for me that I want to resign with nothing to go to, but I am worried it could get to that point so I’m keeping an eye on the job market (it’s rubbish at the moment).