AIBU or are candid photos just fucking brutal once you’re middle aged

[candidlyappaulled]

AIBU or are candid photos just fucking brutal once you’re middle aged? 😂
DH and I are away abroad and he’s been taking candid photos of me without me realising. I’ve just seen them and honestly, fucking hell. Bent over, double chin, hair scraped back, no make up, covered in sunscreen( my forehead looks like a frying pan) and about 20 massive mosquito bites on my legs. Basically every possible thing you wouldn’t choose for a photo.

DH thinks I’m being ridiculous and says not every photo needs to be posed and he was just capturing the moment.This has infuriated me some what.
So genuinely interested — are other middle aged women perfectly happy being photographed completely candidly from any old angle, or do most of us require at least a fighting chance?!

YABU- get over your mid life look, feel happy to be alive
YANBU- it’s ok to want to look nice when having a photo taken

Whilst I do like the thought of this an I do believe the intentions are good, there is a part of me that wonders if the emotional aspect is a bit tone deaf. In that he equally wouldn’t really like what he would see, should it be reversed.

I am in my 70s. You might not like the photos now, but in 10 or 20 years you will think they look great

Oi @EvelynBeatrice stay away from my husband 😂😂🤣🤣

Mine is the exact same, my kids can take half nice photos of me, my husband manages to capture my inner hippo with the whiskers of a Siberian tiger and trunk legs an elephant would smart at.

And why not reverse it? 🤣

Yep, me too. DH takes a photo and it's my dad standing there! Having said that, my dad aged really quite well so I'm hoping the genes are kind even if the face is not so much.

Oh dear. 😂

A very small part of me wonders if some men are doing it - taking photos that they MUST know are bloody awful - as some kind of negging. They may not even realise they are doing it, but why take a side shot (no-one looks good from the side!) with an obvious double chin, scruffy hair, scruffy clothes, and a slouch? Why would he not want to take pics of you smiling and looking at the camera, sitting up straight? A decent photo? Even with no make up on I am OK to have my photo taken now and again, as long as I am warned the photo is coming.

I say about the negging thing, because (around 15 years ago) my DH took a photo of me bending down to stroke and pet a cat when we were out on a day trip, and it was sideways on with me bending over and slouching, when he took the photo. (I was 4 stone overweight at the time...) When I came back over to him, he said 'I just took this photo of you with that cat, but I don't think you'll like it, it's not very flattering!'

I was like I thought 'why take it then?' and 'why tell me it's an unflattering photo?' I thought it was a bit odd, and rude. I snatched his camera off him and deleted it, and was like and walked off!

Happened to me with those long pillar mirrors in primark.

Also my posture is terrible - how do you fix that in your mid forties??

I swear by Pilates. Strengthens your core which helps you stand more upright. Damned if I know how to fix the fact that I keep thrusting my head forward though, still hoping Pilates will mend that!

I must try Pilates at some point.
I am a bit embarrassed to post this update as to what happened next but after I again mentioned that I didn’t like having my photo taking unknowingly, my husband did it again!

He was a bit pie~eyed and it escalated. He was being obnoxious and I told him so, he then shouted in my face that I should shut up……and I have done since.
It is now strained but I don’t feel compelled to resolve it. Our marriage is mostly ok, we have had some really tough aspects that are deeply personal but probably no different to anyone else.
Its kind of left me feeling a bit meh if I’m honest.

Same

This month I did my first ever triathlon - I’m 54 and thanks to meno and PCOS I’m 15 st5 when I should be 10st. I was really proud that I’d done it, and in my fastest ever swim and run times. When I had a look at the event photos I cried my eyes out all afternoon. I’m trying my best to be healthy but photos like that absolutely batter my self esteem.

Yanbu
I saw some photos of myself taken by my partner at a wedding where my face appeared to melt into my neck, my mouth looked wonky as I was talking and my upper arms looked massive. I told him why they were awful and he said “don’t be silly you are nearly 50 after all!”

That’s a massive achievement, well done.

I think it’s sweet that he loves how you look and wants to capture moments with you. If my DH did that I think I would fall over in shock and be extremely pleased. As long as he’s not posting them about online I think I would be flattered rather than annoyed.

I actually do Pilates. Yes I've got abs of steel (hidden under what looks like uncooked pizza dough) and reasonably good posture, but photographs still show my crepey upper arms, neck and an horrendous cleavage.

Some of us weren't ever happy with our photos at any age so I'm leaning towards the "Get Over It" perspective.

A lot of photos are filtered anyway. I've never been photogenic (don't look great in real life 🤣).
All angles are bad angles and usually a few photos have to be taken before I can find one that is acceptable!

That was really horrible of him. Are you OK?

@PauliesWalnuts you should be bloody proud of yourself!

I think it depends what your "posed look" is - if you always duckface or put your hands under your chin to be 'cute' etc then it is good to have some candid photos too, to show what you actually look like, so YABU.

If you tend to photograph 'normally', but the candid shots are just super unflattering because your DH has particularly terrible photography skills, YANBU.

This takes me back to the amusing threads in the early days of covid when people started doing Zoom meetings for work and were horrified at how they looked.

How we look doing certain poses and faces in the mirror is not how we look in reality 😁

I feel your pain, but do let him, he obviously thinks you look beautiful regardless - or he wouldn’t take the photos.
in a decade or so you’ll look back at them and remember the happy memories and be glad they were taken. (just don’t look at them now 🤣)

Honestly, I think you're being a little bit ridiculous. But only because the "candid" you is what your loved ones see all the time, that's how you naturally look, and they love YOU. As long as the photos aren't being shared with anyone you don't want them to be shared with, I wouldn't worry.

My 17 year old asked me to take candid pics of her on holiday this year. Now bear mind she's a very slim, pretty 17yo who never leaves the house without make up and a carefully curated outfit (!), so you'd expect great things.

However every single shot I took, I managed to get her looking slack jawed, pulling a face, sat in an unflattering pose etc.

She said she wanted some candid pics like the ones she sees on Instagram (sigh) so we had a look at these pics, and basically they're all massively posed to look candid. You know the ones where they're wistfully staring out to sea, or smiling with delight at a passing bird...

So we decided what she actually wanted was "posed candid"

So basically, I don't think it matters what age you are or what you look like, candid pics are never going to be your friend.

You must be unbelievably fit @PauliesWalnuts AND you beat two of your PBs. Less of the tears. Be proud of yourself!

I think I look quite the thing when I’m off out, so reality comes as a terrible shock. When I’ve glimpsed myself in those security mirrors above a self-checkout - omg it’s my mum - and my mum on a bad day at that @MaturingCheeseball

At least you look like your mum in those security mirrors in supermarkets. I look like my Dad!! That's even more of a shock 😂