AIBU or are candid photos just fucking brutal once you’re middle aged

[candidlyappaulled]

AIBU or are candid photos just fucking brutal once you’re middle aged? 😂
DH and I are away abroad and he’s been taking candid photos of me without me realising. I’ve just seen them and honestly, fucking hell. Bent over, double chin, hair scraped back, no make up, covered in sunscreen( my forehead looks like a frying pan) and about 20 massive mosquito bites on my legs. Basically every possible thing you wouldn’t choose for a photo.

DH thinks I’m being ridiculous and says not every photo needs to be posed and he was just capturing the moment.This has infuriated me some what.
So genuinely interested — are other middle aged women perfectly happy being photographed completely candidly from any old angle, or do most of us require at least a fighting chance?!

YABU- get over your mid life look, feel happy to be alive
YANBU- it’s ok to want to look nice when having a photo taken

I feel your pain!

Yes. My husband is unable to take a take a photo of me that doesn’t give me fat arms, a double chin , etc etc.

However I’m slightly torn because it’s so often the case that there are no photos at all of mum - just the rest of the family.

Thank you!!

I am tempted to do the same candid shots back, has anyone tried that method?

I 100% agree
I’m not photogenic at all so it is an ordeal getting a nice photo even when I’m trying to get a nice photo
My partner and kids love taking candid shots, there’s never been a nice 1 of me

I agree too.

However, I do tell myself (and it’s largely true I believe) that we judge ourselves much more harshly in photos that we would judge other people. I think it’s just that somewhere deep down I believed I’d look 18 (or 35, or 12) forever and now I barely recognise myself

I hate getting my picture taken posed or otherwise . I have not mastered the art of posing to my so called best side . And when I smile I think my eyes look smaller . Don't even start on lying down on sun beds or windswept hair .

I have really deep-set eyes so when I smile they are invisible 🤣

You know what? He doesn't care what you look like, he loves you complete with ... what was it? Mosquito bites, double chin, hair scraped back, etc.
Just embrace the fact that your husband sees more in you than what you look like. ♥️

The thing is the last image of ourselves is usually going out of the door, doing our best pose, chin up, and often in a dimly-lit hall.

I think I look quite the thing when I’m off out, so reality comes as a terrible shock. When I’ve glimpsed myself in those security mirrors above a self-checkout - omg it’s my mum - and my mum on a bad day at that 😭

Agree 100% .. I HATE having my photo taken when I don't know it's being taken. I find it rude and intrusive, and I don't CARE if it's my husband doing it. He has taken photos of me from the side (on my laptop) with my reading glasses perched on my nose, and he took it because he thinks I look 'cute.' Fucking cute my arse. I look like Jabba the Hutt's ugly sister. Messy hair, double chin, slouched over, and no make up and scruffy clothes.

I make him delete the photos, and have even positioned my chair in the lounge now so it's in a place where he can't pap me without me knowing.

I do NOT want my photo taking unless you ask me first. That is my right. Don't disrespect me. IDGAF if anyone thinks me precious and entitled. If I am, so be it.

And as for filming me without my knowledge. Don't get me fucking started!

IDGAF if he 'loves me how I am!' I love not being photographed and filmed without permission/when I don't know it's happening!!!

Ooooh, that was a good rant.

Be happy he takes photos and wants to have holiday memories! My OH has never taken a holiday snap of me unless I put my phone in his hand and tell him to!

I have some expressions and poses that look better than others and would obviously rather photos were of the better ones. Also when you're captured in a moment you might for a second be pulling a weird face. However this is no different in my 50s than it was in my 20s. I've had more recoil in horror after picking the photos up from Boots moments than I care to remember. At least these days I can excercise some editorial control.

I remember a thread where a poster (or two) talked about having spotted her mum when out at the shops. It turned out to be her own reflection.

😆 Oh dear. I can believe that. I sometimes see a reflection in a shop window, and am shocked to see a fat old woman looking back, as in my head I am still slim, 29, and gorgeous. 😂 I think if you do see yourself as a fat unattractive woman who has seen better days, I doubt other people see you that way.

I’m 40 and I’ve never photographed well. I fully accept this. These days I also fully embrace being ugly. Hair scraped back, bad skin at times, whatever. I just don’t give a single fuck. But like you, I don’t want photos of this. Ugh.

I recently went to a wedding where the photographer was one of these trendy types who leapt about taking candid shots all day instead of traditional posed groups.

When I saw the the reels of pics a few weeks later I wanted to just shrivel up and cry. There wasn't one single one of me looking even half decent. I looked like a toothless old hag in every shot. 😩

This is me 100%, this is exactly how I feel. The good photo opportunity never seems to be taken, yet me on a sun lounger snoring does….

Definitely agree. Sometimes dd will take a photo of me when I've just walked up a hill in 36 degrees heat. Not candid, but I really don't want a photo taken when I'm sweating to death.

Thanks for the laugh, I’d like to read that thread as I also suffer from the double-mother-vision curse

I would LOVE to look like my mum! I am the spitting image of my DAD - trust me, that's worse.

See I'm torn, my mum passed recently and I have scoured every album, phone, picture book for photos of her, so that part of me says take the candid photos, there may be a better in there! HOWEVER having pored over hubdreds of photos from the 70s through every decade; i have generated a selection of beautiful photos and not one of them looks like she was dragged through a bush backward hahaha YANBU candid photos can be good, when you are looking ok, not capturing the full uncovered mosquito banquet body

God no, I look so much better if I don’t know a camera is on me, mid-40s so I assume I’m middle age?

Yes, now I'm in my 50s, if I dare to smile, my face looks like a fucking walnut 😆

I wish my husband would take more photos, he never takes candid photos of me and our child. I don't have that many nice photos with my child , but there are loads of my husband and child that I have taken. He will take a photo if I ask him too, but it's not the same

I’m 50 and the candid camera was probably ok until 43 for me. I am starting to think that maybe I just need to appreciate those days. In 10 years I might think these photos are good.
However I just don’t like the unknown photo shots.

Exactly! Well said.