To wonder if a bigger age gap leads to less bickering and arguing?

[birdofparadise26]

Mine are 6 and 4 and the bickering, screaming and arguing is incessant.

My 4 yo woke early today and we were watching Shrek together and it was lovely and calm and fun. Then the 6 yo woke up and appeared and that was it: both trying to sit on the same chair and shoving each other, kicking, each pushing the other out of the way so the other couldn’t see. So I had to switch it off and both started screaming and wailing.

I do wonder sometimes if it would be better with say a 10 yo and a 4 yo. Different challenges though I am sure!

I’ve 6 years between my girls and they constantly bicker and argue!! Eldest DD is 14 youngest is 8. One minute they are best buds, next minute it’s WW3! Typical teenager can’t be bothered with little sister, youngest however is that stubborn she doesn’t take no for an answer. Drives me insane. 2 years between my brother and I, we fought like mad too.

4.5 years between me and my brother. We fought like cat and dog.

7 and 10 years between DH and his sisters - he definitely fought with the middle one!

I have three DC. The oldest doesn't bicker with either of his siblings (2 year gap and 4 year gap) but the younger two bicker with each other (2 year gap). So I think it's a personality thing.

My four youngest that are still at home are 21, 15,12 and 11. We are very lucky that the 12 and 11 year olds are super close and very rarely have a cross word. They have played together all summer and it’s been great (boys) the older two are girls and other than the odd grumble about nicking each others clothes they get on really well (girls). The 15 year old girl has very little to do with her younger brothers so no arguing there. The eldest loves her two younger brothers and they adore her.
We are very lucky I know.

My two are nearly exactly 2 years apart and they get on very well from about 3/5 years old. Lots of physical fighting before then. They are girl/boy and my son is quite calm though.

My sister's boys are 4 years apart and a nightmare, hurting each other constantly but the older has ADHD so his batteries never run out and the younger is very clingy so they compete over their mother.

I think it's more of a personality thing. A high energy child will be seeking attention/action and can wind the other one up. If you have two or more high energy kids then it's even harder as it's coming from multiple directions.

Run them like dogs, zero tolerance for violence to their siblings including winding them up to get a response. Put them in seperate rooms....hopefully they'll grow out of it.

The main downside of the larger gap imo is the physical strength difference which means the smaller is constantly getting hurt by the larger one if they don't get on. At 6/8 my two can more or less hold their own in a fight.

Are you me?

@Luckydog7 my eldest is quite high energy, the youngest not so much. I do think it’s good to be out of the house and makes the day go faster. I draw the line at 630am though haha!

I have the same age gap as you, OP. Boy then girl, currently 7 and almost 5. They play together really well. They do immediately begin to bicker if we allow them to play video games. Eldest is autistic and just loves his little sister. Of course they fight sometimes, but they are best friends for the most part. It probably helps that the eldest is bigger but the youngest is fiestier.

I also agree it’s personality. And situation to some extent. Luck.

There was a (just) 3 year age gap between DD1 and DD2. They hardly ever argued. Not when little, nor when they got older. They were best friends and went out together as teenagers and on holiday together as young adults.

DS came along when DD1 was 10 and DD2 was 7. They both adored him. DD1 developed a slightly maternal relationship with him. DD2 was more co-conspirator.

The 3 of them were a totally united tribe and when the older ones were 20 and 17 they started to take DS on some of their trips away too.

We were fortunate enough that each had their own room and we had sufficient resources for them each to pursue their own hobbies and interests. We also had very involved grandparents so they got plenty of 1:1 adult attention too. So there were some situational factors that might have helped. But largely I think they just got along by temperament.

I had 2 cousins growing up (sisters) who fought (literally) constantly. 2 year age gap. They are really close now as adults. I’ve known others who got on really well as children who then drifted apart.

I do not really see a pattern by age gap or sex as to which sibling relationships are challenging and which are harmonious.

There is 10 years between mine and although I knew it would be hard to manage such a large gap, I felt confident at least there wouldn’t be much for them to bicker over. I was very wrong.

Little one winds up teen. He winds her up right back but she can’t regulate emotions so it turns into a huge drama and tantrum which then means I have to get involved. Teen tries to tell dd off and has to be reminded he is not the parent. Listening to them bicker is like listening to two much smaller dc and it brings teens maturity levels right down. They have very little in common (obviously) yet still find things to argue about. So it really does affect all ages op.

There are some cute moments between them too.

A counterpoint to some of the other comments - a 4 year age gap here (girl then boy), and they (generally!) adore each other, play together well, and rarely bicker. We weren't sure how an age gap like that would work, but for us it's been good. I think it's the luck of the draw though!

We have 3.5 years between ours and they got on well when small (and now). Some bickering, but never anything physical.

I have the same gap with one of my sisters and we spent our childhoods trying to kill each other.

We have a large and small age gap between our three DC. They are full siblings (I often get asked if DS1 is a half siblings due to their ages).
DC1 is 31, married with a baby.
DC2 is 21. He lives here with his partner of five years. They both work full-time with good jobs, enjoy life and travel, but are also saving to buy a house.
Dc19 (almost 20) is at university several hours away and has been with their GF for around two years.
They all get on amazingly well as adults (including their partners). DC1&2 took the vocational route completing apprenticeships with different engineering companies. They now work together.
They all socialise together regularly with 1&2 visiting 3 in their university city, it's not just me forcing a 'happy' family dynamic. They have weekends away without us. The two younger ones have a fantastic role model in their elder DB and adore his DD.
As children there was never any rivalry between the eldest and his much younger siblings.
When they were young DC 2&3 fought terribly. It was pretty awful at times, nothing worked. I believe the worst thing I tried to do was make DC2&3 equal. In doing so they perceived favouritism constantly. I thought as adults they would hate each other.
Friends and family are amazed at how well all three get on, especially 2&3. It's lovely to see. I have a life limiting condition and admit I worried when the inevitable happens that I'd leave broken sibling relationships, but seeing them together is a joy.
If I could go back i wouldn't have a ten year gap between DC1&2 I think fewer years would be better (around four/five years is ideal). Conversely, I definitely wouldn't have less than two years as I have between 2&3. I don't think DC2 had enough time with me before DC3 was born, although more through luck than design, so far it's all worked out.

Mine are 13, 7 and 3. The first 2 don’t bicker at all but my first is so peaceful, very chilled even from being a baby. 7 and 3 yo bicker a lot, you’ll think they’re mates

Some lovely sibling stories here. Mine are … they don’t not get on, there are some lovely sweet moments but they never seem to last long enough to actually enjoy. So much winding up, the oldest taking the younger ones toy off her to make her scream; the younger one demanding what the older one has (although that is slowly getting better) but it just always feels very volatile, like even when it’s all fine you know any minute it won’t be.

I sometimes wonder if we normalise sibling arguments too much, as it is normal and everyone I know with more than one has the same, but I do find it very stressful. Perhaps that’s just dictated by my personality as well.