To wonder if a bigger age gap leads to less bickering and arguing?

[birdofparadise26]

Mine are 6 and 4 and the bickering, screaming and arguing is incessant.

My 4 yo woke early today and we were watching Shrek together and it was lovely and calm and fun. Then the 6 yo woke up and appeared and that was it: both trying to sit on the same chair and shoving each other, kicking, each pushing the other out of the way so the other couldn’t see. So I had to switch it off and both started screaming and wailing.

I do wonder sometimes if it would be better with say a 10 yo and a 4 yo. Different challenges though I am sure!

I’ve a 5 and 12 year old. They fight like cat and dog.

They also adore each other. It’s never physical but the moaning and arguing. Wow.

Well one of mine was 12 when the the other was born. They didn't argue and fight but then neither did they play together

There was a 3.5 year gap between two of them and they fought constantly

I can vouch that 3.5 year gap is no better. I think it's more about personality than gap.

4 years difference and nope, they bickered.

@WigglyPinkFlamingo same: it occasionally spills over into some pushing or kicking one another if sat near one another but I do get ground down with the constant arguing and tale telling.

@Timeforachange26 i have two cousins (I’m not really in contact with them now, no bad feeling just not seen them since I was about 18/19) who had a ten year gap and they had a lovely relationship, almost father son rather than older brother younger brother. Mine play together but it breaks out into an argument so quickly or one will be playing nicely and the other ruins it. It really frustrates me!

@PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ that’s still a fairly small gap though. I guess I’m thinking a more 5-10 year gap maybe?

Yes of course there’s less bickering with a bigger gap!

I have an 8 year gap and there is six years between me and db.

There isn’t zero bickering, we can still annoy our siblings at any age and love to tease each other and sometimes the younger dc just randomly annoys his big sibling to get a reaction, whilst the older dc exploits their age advantage to provoke trouble. Once my youngest was 7, there was very little strife between them but also once eldest was 15 she obviously wasn’t as excited about spending a lot of time with her sibling.

We just had two weeks of vacation and it was absolutely great - older teen sibling allowed her inner child to come to the fore and we had a great trip. Haven’t seen them so happy together for a long time. The sad thing is we won’t have too many of those family holidays left as older dc will be heading off to pursue her own adventures soon, and it’s hard to plan holidays that work for everyone. Next year will be a long trip to Lake Annecy and Morzine for some wild sporting adventures!

But if you've got a larger gap and you have to choose an activity, then you have to choose one way or the other - entertain the elder and the younger one is bored or can't do much or something for the younger one and the eldest is bored and moaning.

At least you can choose a film or playground that suits both, without having to bribe one of them or try to foist them off on someone else for a couple of hours.

Mine are 23 and 20, then 13 and 11. They fight with their closest sibling but the older two don't fight with the younger two. So you're probably right BUT having a child revising for GCSEs while another is waking up in the night having wet the bed while toilet training can be challenging.

That does sound nice @OfficiallyOnVacation . I love Annecy, haven’t been for years.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat i get that, I know there’s no ‘perfect’ set up. I think personally I’d probably prefer the logistical difficulties presented with a larger gap than the endless arguments but that’s probably because I’m submerged in it at the moment!

I think the other thing is even small age gaps are big in the very early years. That gap is smaller now but at 1 and 4 for example it was pretty vast!

You have my absolute sympathies. I had five in seven years - so I had the worst of both worlds as the gaps between individual kids was tiny but the gap first to last meant a big gap between what they could all enjoy!

We’ve got a 9 year age gap and they bicker like hell. You’d think the 18YO would be more sensible and not lower himself to the constant bickering but neither DS can help themselves.

I don't think that is really a " gap" thing. Kids have different interests even at similar ages.

My brother down from me is 2 years 1 month younger. We have never in living memory liked the same thing. He hated playground, I hung upside down on bars and didn't want to leave, he loved cricket, id be bored within 5 mins, I swam he wouldn't get in pool, he loved cinema , I struggled hearing film so pointless.

So parents couldn't have just done one thing that worked for both of us

20 months between mine, late teens now. They’ve never particularly bickered or fought and really love each. Different sexes if that makes a difference. Eldest never showed signs of jealousy. The hardest time was when youngest started being mobile and eldest wasn’t ready to share! I suspect a lot is down to temperament.

It must be so annoying when people say they couldn’t do it but I genuinely couldn’t - I am two and done and even that stretches me to my limits some days!

@anotherginyousay you would, wouldn’t you? It did make me laugh a bit - old enough to get a mortgage but arguing with a nine year old; I bet you’re like 🙄 😂

@katgab interesting as mine are opposite sex and I have wondered if same sex siblings might argue less. But I remember my friend had awful fights with her sister (I only have a brother.)

I’ve had to walk between my 7 and 17 year old son so they don’t bicker!
Seriously, as others say they’re gonna bicker whatever the gap.

We have 3.5 year gaps and have 4, have been er had the kind of bickering you describe. However my sister and I 16 months apart could never and still can’t stand the sight of each other. I think there’s less competition with smaller age groups and they’re into there own thing more.

Bit late for you! Bit of a pointless question really.

Agree, it's temperament. Mine have a 21 month gap, both girls, and there's very little bickering. They're quite different in personality, but they get on really well. It boils down to the luck of the draw, I reckon.

I have a 4 year old and a 10 year old and it would have gone the same way.

It’s worse because the 10 year old knows better, yet chooses to be a dick.

I read somewhere that a 2-4 year age gap is the peak for sibling conflict. As a pp says a larger age gap makes keeping both interested in the same activity difficult.
So only option is twins, or getting pregnant as soon as the first is born!

Well it is of course haha! But it’s interesting to see what other people’s experiences have been.

There’s just over two and a half years gap for mine. So yeah seems to be optimal conflict. Wonder why it’s pushed as the perfect gap!

5 year gap with me and younger sister. Physical fights, arguments, when I was in my teens she was just the annoying child who wanted to be involved but I didn't want anything to do with her.

Didn't really settle til I moved out.

My DDs have a 10 year age gap. They only started arguing as adults 😂😂😂
DGS have a 2 year gap and spend their whole time bickering, fighting, and generally winding each other up which makes for a very busy day when I’m looking after them 😂😂