To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

This is insane.

Who actually put MoH in charge?

1. MoH took a gamble. For the hen do that happened 2 weeks previously it clearly paid off. For your group, it didn’t.
2. It’s £130 the hens are out of pocket. They were always going to lose/spend the £300.
3. The hens should take responsibility for not checking the booking too or helping MoH. Surely just normal practise when spending £300.
4. The bride is the CEO of the whole operation. She needs to help MoH sort this.

But happy to let her do all the donkey work without checking anything yourself.

I said in a post upthread that I felt the bride was shady too.

This 130 pay off she endorses, confirms it.

Personally, I would refuse to accept it, even if I never mentioned it again.

I would attend the wedding, sans gift, and let the friendship with the bride fade away.

I had a big wedding, friends from different groups and circles etc. I am 100% certain had this been going on in the background I would not have tried to shut it down.. cos my big day n all..

It is easy to see how B and MOH are besties though.

If the whole party gets together then yes. She cost them over £2k.

Why did moh not just say it’s a girls weekend/ birthday rather than specifying hen do.

I feel a bit for moh as she probably didn’t realise when she booked (as it said at discretion) and getting a email week before is a nightmare as there’s no chance to rearrange anything.

she could cover new accommodation as a goodwill gesture. But I’d probably write it off as cost of attending the hen.

Yes that’s the role of the MOH if she didn’t want to do it she shouldn’t have accepted the task. The MOH lied to the group saying she couldn’t find the email telling her that hen parties were not allowed and that she could have a full refund which she refused. The fault lies squarely with the MOH. She needs to refund the group and then take it up with the owner of the accommodation.

MoH is the brides’ best friend and from the discussions OP describes as having taken place afterwards it looks as though the bride put MoH in charge. The hen do two weeks previously wasn’t a gamble, because at that point hens were at the discretion of the owner - MoH knew that and didn’t declare it as a hen. It was at the point that the previous hen resulted in damage to the property that the owner banned them and unbeknown to the rest of the group, offered MoH a full refund if she cancelled with seven days notice. OP only knows that because she talked to the bride who was fully aware of what happened by then.

It does sound as though people tried to check but MoH claimed to have lost the booking email when asked for it. It wouldn’t have helped that MoH was only known to a couple of people in the party as they were different friendship groups.

I agree, the bride is the ‘CEO’ but hers and the MoH’s idea of sorting it out is to essentially offer OP a bribe to keep quiet. I don’t agree that the extra cost of accommodation is all that’s owed. That’s the cheap option. I’d be pretty pissed if l’d paid £300 for a stay in a big house with free run of the facilities and ended up in a cheap hotel which cost an extra £130 for the privilege.

I’m northern and think we can all agree Blackpool is trashy. The south isn’t universally beautiful either, just go to Clacton or Lowestoft or Jaywick.

Anyway, the MoH is a twat. We’re all “busy with work” but have time to read a message explicitly stipulating hen parties will not be allowed. She deliberately ignored it and hoped you could get away with it, now you’re all out of pocket.

Describing it as a girls weekend wouldn’t have helped because the rule was no same sex parties - at that point, yes it was at the discretion of the owner so she should have been honest. And had she told the rest of the group about the email telling her hens were now banned and offering a refund, there would be no come back on her now, because they would have had a say in the decision.

What was she supposed to do a week before? Everything was already booked and planned and almost all those types of accommodation say no hen parties. Have you not seen the numerous posters on this thread who've said they've had hen parties in one of these officially "no hen" places? The MOH was trying to do the best she could for her friend.

I can see you haven’t read OP’s follow ups. MoH was warned in advance via direct message that hen parties were not permitted and they could receive a full refund at that point.

In all honesty, you all sound like you could have done a bit more to avoid this.
Yes, the MoH was in charge but did anyone, at any point, think to step in and offer help? Assuming the Bride is a friend of you all and that you would want her hen weekend to be nice?
Handing over large amounts of money without checking it out yourself is irresponsible. We’re talking about 8 other adults here that could have checked the details and just queried with the MoH about the no hen/stag bookings, but none of you did.
Personally I think there needs to be some accountability taken all round, not just directed at one individual.

Not read the whole 27 pages of thread but when I saw this about Northern cities being trashy, any ounce of respect shrivelled away into the abyss.

I have read her updates. She received that message like a week before. What was she supposed to do at that point?

But when she booked the T&Cs were that same sex parties were at the discretion of the owner - she could have declared it as such at the time and got the owners’ permission. And when she got the email offering her a full refund why did she not ask the rest of the group what they wanted to do ? Had they agreed to take the risk there would have been no come back on her when they were turned away.

She was supposed to tell the rest of the group what was happening and ask what they wanted to do, given that it was their money she was risking. If they’d opted to go ahead there would have been no come back on her when they were turned away.

Yes she could have made different choices and with hindsight she should have done. No one is debating that. But she did what she thought was best at the time- she thought it would be ok. She was in a tricky spot and trying to do the best she could for her friend. Many, many, many others have taken the same gamble and it's been fine.

Yes she should have done that. She was probably worried though that the whole thing would fall apart, some might start dropping out, they wouldn't be able to find another place, etc etc. meanwhile she was probably thinking it would be fine because the owner didn't need to know what sort of party it was. she was trying to organise the best weekend for the bride. Was it the right decision ? No.

OP did say upthread that MoH was the brides’ best friend - the hen was made up of different friendship groups and MoH was only known to a couple of the group. I don’t think that would have helped. And they did ask to see the booking email - MoH claimed she had lost it. Which was probably a red flag that things weren’t as they seemed !!

So instead she let everyone lose £300, turn up at accommodation they couldn’t use (which she knew in advance and hadn’t told anyone) and force everyone to fork out a further £130 to stay in a budget hotel. Great decision making.

has the MOH said that the website terms were changed to state no hens after the booking was made? It’s common practise to not allow hen/stag groups or large groups of the same sex to book holiday accommodation, it’s normally clearly stated whrn looking to book which is why I think maybe the website t&c’s were changed after she made the booking and after the damage was done by the hen party they had staying who done the damage. If that’s the case I don’t think it’s the MOH fault. If it was stated prior to her booking that same sex groups were now allowed and she booked anyway I would say it’s her fault and she should reimburse you all, although I can’t see that happening. What relation to the bride is the MOH?

I appreciate that- many of us have been in hen do situations where we don’t know everyone but there was a group chat. At any point they could have asked, queried, offered help with booking parts to make it a lovely weekend for their mutual friend, the Bride.
Maybe I’m wrong but it’s only an issue now there’s an issue. Up until that point it seems the party had been happy to just transfer money and allow the responsibility/stress of planning of the entire weekend to lay on one persons shoulders. Personally I think they could’ve all been a little more proactive with helping and it could’ve been avoided? A second pair of eyes running over the itinerary never hurts.

Great. And then shes got to start planning all over again only this time with two weeks to go. Shes got a life and work so it wouldn’t be the weekend she’d envisioned for her friend.

Yes she should have put it to the group and see what they thought about cancelling. Probably have privately slagged off her organisational skills, whilst secretly being relieved judging from the Ops post.

Hindsight is good like that though.

At the time the booking was made same sex parties were at the discretion of the owner. MoH didn’t specify a same sex party at that point so didn’t specifically get that permission. The T&Cs were changed to no same sex parties after a hen party caused damage to the property, and the owner emailed MoH to inform her and to offer a full refund provided she cancelled with seven days notice. She opted to go ahead without asking the rest of the group. I think it’s glaringly obvious what she should have done to avoid any recourse.

She decided to continue with the risk knowing it had been pointed out yet again.

That’s all on her. So what if the whole group would then need to rally a new plan. You don’t just gamble with other people’s money.