To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

Rubbish, I again repeat if you book a kids party at an adults only venue and got denied entry whose fault is that? If you book a fish restaurant for a group of people who are allergic to fish, is the owner psychic and should they forfeit the potential of any money by refunding when its the booking parties error?

You are going on holiday and want a dog sitter, you find someone who is a qualified dog sitter and it states in t&cs they only take vaccinated dogs and payment in advance for exclusive use - you rock up with a cat and a tarantula, dog sitter declines, agrees to take them and refused a refund as its too late to fill that slot with someone else. I don't get your rationale.

If the MOH booked at a venue where it clearly states no single sex groups or hen/stag parties, then she is forming a contract to say she will abide with that, if she rocks up with an obvious hen party, she forfeits their money - unless of course she wasn't advised of this rule.

Convenient that she can’t find the email now.. I’d usually say it’s your fault for not checking the accommodation yourself etc but if she knew it didn’t allow hen parties and was just chancing it, I’d want my money back.
if it didn’t stipulate no groups or hen dos I’d complain and request a refund

It seems crappy of the house manager to let you all know on the day. If I’m being a little cynical, it seems calculated. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had another booking lined up. Clearly, she would see how many people had booked and she could have messaged the MoH and clearly stated the terms.

Whilst I feel that this is mostly the MoH’s fault, there’s something a bit off about it all happening last minute.

@Hennightmare Just read your update that the MOH decided to chance it after getting the email advising that hens and stags were no longer allowed.

She had no right to assume it would be ok without asking everyone first, so yes, she should be refunding you all. But having said that £3,000 is,a lot for her to find, and if the Bride doesn't want a fuss, I think you should let it go, irritating as it is.

The refund would amount to £2700 for everyone, excluding MoH herself so l think it’s unlikely. I think it’s a bit shit of the bride to expect people to just forgive and forget ‘because my wedding’. l suppose it’s understandable from her point of view, but hardly supportive in the circumstances.

I’m wondering how many of the party will be considering small claims court themselves, given that MoH was reckless with their money - how many of them could realistically wave goodbye to £300 plus the cost of alternative accommodation without feeling aggrieved.

In this case she owes everyone their money back.

Yes you can as long as the ban applies equally to both sexes.

Then the MoH owes everyone a full refund. I’d be fucking fuming. £300 is such a lot of money to loose. Has the mother even offered her apology or to reimburse people?

Who’s mother ?

Read the update.

In that case, she owes everyone money. Of course the bride isn’t bothered, she didn’t lose any money!! I wouldn’t let it go tbh, £300 is loads

£3000 down the drain and they’re all supposed to let it go - not very supportive of the bride.

So this really is on the MOH. Bugger. She should owe you all a refund, but she may well not have the money. She should at least start with a grovelling apology.

If definitely go small claims after the wedding if it isn’t too far away. Moh had time to cancel for a refund and didn’t this is on her.

Clearly the MOH fucked up. But if the owner won’t refund then she is highly unlikely to be able to reimburse you all out of her own pocket unfortunately.

It’s a tough one. I feel that the MoH shouldn’t have booked the accommodation but also feels tricky asking for her to pay out £2700 for her error. I recently organised a hen do and was sooo difficult finding accommodation that didn’t ban hen dos but was doable.

This changes things and yes, she should refund you all herself. She should have put it to the group when she got the email and asked what people wanted to do. It wasn’t her decision to go ahead with that decision when it’s not all her money at stake.

She lied about it too - claiming she’d lost the booking email when all along she knew she’d had an email from the owner confirming no hens allowed, after the incident two weeks earlier. What on earth was she thinking when she refused the refund ? Underhanded and completely irresponsible with other peoples’ money. The bride shouldn’t be backing away from this either, at the end of the day MoH was her choice.

In which case MoH needs to refund everyone in full.

@ThreadGuardDog Yes, I meant that a legal claim against the home owner wouldn't wash now as they explained their T&C's and did offer a full refund in advance.

Personally, I would expect the MOH to reimburse everyone now as she withheld this information from everyone.

@Hennightmare Sorry, I cross posted with you earlier.

So lets be realistic here. £300 for a weekend away for a Hen Do is not a small amount of money, now presumably that has maybe doubled, the quality of accommodation much reduced and time intended to be having fund will have been taken up with worry about lost accommodation and somewhere to stay. It will have also changed the nature of the weekend.

I totally understand the bride does not want a big issue making of it but in fairness she hasn't lost anything, out of interest were you all expected to cover the bride accommodation twice?

The MOH should have been honest. Previous comments have stated that those in the party of 10 had an opportunity to look up the accommodations and see for themselves at the time of booking, but had they done so they would have seen the discretion point and assumed the MOH had got approval.

The MoH didn’t just make a small admin error, she ignored the terms, ignored a cancellation/refund window, and knowingly took a risk with other people’s money. Expecting her to refund everyone isn’t “making a fuss”, it’s simply fair. You can handle it quietly and without involving the bride, but the financial responsibility sits squarely with the person who caused the problem. Ten people shouldn’t subsidise one person’s gamble.

The core issue is that this isn’t “one of those things that happens”, it’s a direct consequence of the MoH’s choices because she knowingly booked under conditions that required honesty about group type and she didn't declare it was a hen do (failure 1). She then received an email explicitly saying hens/stags were now banned and that she could get a full refund if she cancelled 7 days before. She ignored it (failure 2). She gambled that she could sneak in via key safe, she lost the gamble (failure 3). 10 people paid for that gamble and she still did not confess (failure 4) - That’s not bad luck. That’s mismanagement.

And the bride saying she doesn’t want a fuss is understandable emotionally, she’s trying to protect her wedding bubble but it doesn’t magically make the financial hit fair for everyone else and presumably she hasn't taken a hit as she got the weekend for free???

What’s reasonable vs what’s “making a fuss”. There’s a big difference between:
A) Causing drama, demanding apologies, making it a wedding issue and B) Quietly, calmly expecting the MoH to refund the group because she caused the loss. You can do B without doing A. This isn’t “punishing” the MoH. It’s simply putting the cost where the mistake was made. If she’d declared it properly, or cancelled in time, or not tried to chance it, none of this would have happened.

Her feelings are valid, she doesn’t want conflict before her wedding. But she’s also not the one who paid for accommodation she never got to use.
It’s very easy to say “let’s not make a fuss” when you’re not the one out of pocket. And she is annoyed with the MoH, which tells you she knows where the fault lies. Basically its up to the other 8 attendees to decide individually or as a group what to do and when, this is not the brides decision.

How far off is the wedding, can the discussion about this wait until after the wedding or is it still a way off?

I would probably message the MOH (when depends on the above), along the following lines

Hey, I just wanted to check in about the accommodation situation.

I know the hen do situation was stressful for everyone, and I appreciate you were trying to keep things on track and you worked hard to organise it for everyone for which we were grateful.

We’ve since found out about the T&Cs and the email offering a full refund if the booking was cancelled 7 days before. I know you were trying to make things work and didn’t expect it to go wrong, but because the booking wasn’t cancelled and we couldn’t stay, everyone has ended up out of pocket.

I don’t want this to become a big thing or impact the wedding at all, but it does feel fair that the cost sits with the person who made the decision not to cancel when the refund was available.

Would you be able to refund everyone/me their/my share? It would really help clear the air and let us all move on without any awkwardness.

This keeps it factual, avoids blame‑y language, and frames the refund as the fair and adult resolution.

Reading the update MOH took a chance and it didn’t work out. She owes the hens their money back. Bride isn’t out of pocket as MOH was paying for her so of course she’s saying the ‘let it go and don’t ruin my wedding’ .MOH is the one who has caused this. I’d be steaming!

MoH covered bride to be’s accommodation both times - she wouldn’t have spent anything all weekend.

Wedding is in late September.

MoH is an idiot. She took the risk upon herself by hiding the information from the hens. This is small claims court territory.

Complete cheeky fucker chancer.

Id be viewing the bride to be a bit different as well which her expecting you all to lose all this money because her friend lied and tried to deceive the house owner and all the guests.