To say something or not?

[Teancake1]

New neighbours moved into the flat next door earlier this year. A nice couple with 2 boys. I haven't had too much interaction with them, just friendly greetings when we meet. In general, you can't hear much noise from next door but what I am hearing is him vomiting loudly almost every morning - so much so that it wakes me up. What I have noticed is is doesn't happen if they have overnight guests, which I do see them coming/ leaving. He's a nice guy, doesn't ever seem to be under the influence of anything. He is very slim.
It's becoming quite annoying to be woken by this or hearing it every morning. I don't know whether to say something or not?

Then you should pay to live in a detached house. Or pay to soundproof your flat. If you live in a flat or joined home you may hear things. It’s not their problem.

Then you’d be incredibly rude.

Lots of people have health conditions that cause them to vomit or have stomach upsets - what would you “saying something” achieve other than to make that person feel even worse?

The fact that you mention he is very slim suggests you suspect it's an ED, why on earth would you imagine you saying something would help in that situation. If you can hear it his wife can. It's hardly the sort of noise level you could report to the council. You just have thin walls.

Well, if it's self-induced, he can stop doing it.

Eating disorder?

Where exactly is this mystical elsewhere? I can hear the conversation now
”sorry to hear you’ve got cancer, could you go to the local cafe to be sick because the noise is annoying me”.

What on earth would you like to happen, he vomits more quietly ?

Quite - some of these responses are so insensitive I have to assume they’re made up.

And if they then “say something” about your mental health issue?

And what would you expect him to do about it?

Sounds like he may have an eating disorder, but interesting he doesn't do it if there are visitors. I would mention it as if he modifies his behaviour for visitors he would also modify his behaviour if he knows neighbours can hear him. I'd mention it for the sake of the children, it's not good for them to hear it either. I'd definitely mention it and mention you've noticed a pattern when they don't do it with visitors. It could be the trigger he needs to do something about it.

How would you know who is vomiting though? Maybe the mother is pregnant.

This is so inappropriate it's unreal.

Goodness. Of course you don’t say anything. The problem here is shoddy flat construction and inadequate sound-proofing.

I'd mention it for the sake of the children, it's not good for them to hear it either.

What do you think will happen to the kids? My children would have not been adversely affected by some vomiting noises. What would it do to yours?

What do you think it would acheive?

If its Bulimia its not qiite that simple.

I’m stuck on how the OP knows who is vomitting. This must be paper thin and see through walls.

Sorry - why were you embarrassed?

Unless you're really close friends with them (which you're not) there's no way you can mention this even in a "concerned" way, without looking really nosey and insensitive. The issue really is sound proofing, not what is happening in their home. I don't think there's much you can do, but maybe ear plugs or a snooze band or playing white noise would help or are there spind proofing pads you can put on the wall like you would for a music room. It is likely to be a mental or physical condition that they cannot help, mentioning it will not enable them to do anything about it except for feeling embarrassed and awkward. If it's a flat, I'm assuming there's not much space so unlikely there is "somewhere else" it can happen. Possibly for visitors he hides it by some other method (medication etc) that doesn't work long term or if it's bulimia he can cope covering it up for the night but it won't be something he can "just stop". People don't throw up for fun.
If you absolutely feel you have to say something, I'd be super discrete and say something like "I've been hearing an animal, maybe a fox or cat, sounding ill, just wondered if you'd heard it too" rather than specifically say "your throwing up is really noisy" (I honestly just don't know how you'd be able to say those words to random neighbours tbh, its wildly personal).

Was going to reply - yes, say something. But upon reflection, you can be more subtle.

He possibly doesn’t know you can hear - but if you can hear him, then he would be able to hear you too? So what I would do is play music or the morning news/BBC [ie conversation] on your iphone in the bathroom at a reasonably high level of volume EVERY time he is sick. He will hear and realise that you can also hear. Hopefully it will mean he stops after a few incidents of you making a point.

Nothing needs to be said, but he may at least do what he does when they have guests (different bathroom?) - or go to his GP.

How'd you know it's him?

He can't just stop vomiting because you don't like it! I'm also emetophobia but I understand this is my problem not anyone else's

There is nothing to be achieved by saying something. What are they meant to do? stop vomiting? You need to invest in better sound proofing, if you can hear someone vomiting through your wall it is obviously inadequate and needs to be reinforced, the noise could also be coming down your pipes so maybe get a plumber to look at that

It could be a medical condition, a side effect of medication, or even something completely random. My stepdad vomits pretty much every morning without fail when he brushes his teeth because it sets off his gag reflex.
I honestly wouldn’t say anything. If he’s being sick every morning, I doubt he’s doing it for fun, and it may be something he has absolutely no control over. I think mentioning it would come across as quite intrusive and probably embarrass him as well.