To struggle so much with my kids playing

[pointingitout]

Because all I can think about is mess and the work involved in clearing it up.

I know everybody will tell me to get them to tidy up after themselves and that would be fine but they wander through the house with various toys, dropping them where they are and then shooting off to the next thing. I can’t trail them both and often they are involved in what they are doing and ignoring me (I just had to walk away as I was close to blowing due to being ignored.) So after just twenty minutes or so we can end up with toys strewn all over the place, lids off play dough, bits of toys everywhere and they need a lot of help and direction to tidy it which is in all honesty at least as much work as tidying it myself. So in brief - getting them to tidy up doesn’t reduce my workload!

I have tried toy rotation and I am shit at it; I forget that I’ve done it. I don’t think we have that many toys - not hugely excessive - but things like the toy kitchen with lots of little pans and pots and a toy shopping basket with toy food, etc.

I just wish I could be the sort of mum who smiles fondly but I can’t; it stresses the hell out of me.

How old are they?

No1 is 5; 6 later this year. No2 has just turned 3.

Have you tried toy baskets in each room? So you just pop things in the nearest basket when you come across them, rather than trying to do a proper tidy up.

Persevere at getting them to tidy up, despite it being more work than doing it yourself. EVENTUALLY they will get better at it and by 6 or 7, you'll be able to tell them to pick up their toys and they'll do 90% unaided.

Take the long view.

It's frustrating when the toys end up all round the house and mixed up! Personally I love a garden day, as they drag everything out the garage but it is easy to put away i.e. no sorting. Toys like playdough are out of reach and they have to ask and do it at the table. I realise that doesn't solve the issue of short attention spans and wandering off after 5 mins!

I would consider putting away some of the toys with lots of little pieces for a while.

It's a combination of getting them to do some tidying, and doing something like listening to a good audiobook while you tidy after bedtime so it still counts as "you time".

Even 2yos at nursery tidy up. The key is having an obvious place for everything so they know where to put it.

I was amazed recently when I picked up ds at lunchtime (his nursery doesn't do half days). The 2yos were all emptying their plates into a waste bucket, and putting the empty plates and cups into another bucket, then putting their name/allergy placemats into another tray. Not a single kid was whining about having to do it, it was just a routine.

The toy kitchen is a good start because everything toy kitchen related obviously goes there. After that, have a big box for soft toys, and some plastic trays for craft items.

Solidarity. I try to have a tidy up time at the end of the day so 10-15 minutes of me telling them what to do. Then TV while I do the bits they can't.

We go out a lot, helps the level of chaos in the house.

Otherwise I just accept I’m going to tidy up at the end of the day, and don’t follow them round trying to maintain some semblance of orderliness.

IMO there’s just an element of having to let go. Mind are a similar age and periodically we will go round and tidy up toys during the day, other times in the evening. But often big things will stay out for a few days, I have a vet station under the window with loads of toys in baskets/ hospital beds, a train track going in and out of the coffee table and a huge castle made from magnatiles that they’re playing with the sylvanians in. These bigger things are usually added to and played with differently as time goes on.
I love a show house but it’s important for them to have some things around they have been playing with rather than dumping everything back in a basket and ending the play at bedtime.
But things like play doh, painting etc would all only be taken out for a specific activity and then put back away.

I really wish I'd done resets with my kids when they were younger - I used to let them trash the house and then do a big, exhausting tidy up on my own later in the day. That didn't teach them well.

What I would do if I had young kids now is allow them to play with their toys but then do a timed reset with them involved - set the timer for ten minutes, involve them in it and make it quite fun. That would get some sort or order (even if you have to re-jig things a bit after they've gone to bed to get it how you want it).

AhI can’t vote on this because to an extent that’s childhood - you just have to learn to live with it while they are small.

But even though it feels futile, your time invested in teaching them to tidy up will pay dividends later even though it doesn’t save time now.

Also for the toy kitchen and toy cars or train sets or bricks, I recommend ikea storage boxes. We have a series of smart hessian style boxes that slide onto a shelf under our coffee table. It means we can quickly get the “adult space” back. You can’t expect the kids to put everything back on shelves, but they can pick things up off the floor and pop them in a box. Then every now and again you will have to go through the boxes and sort out the random bits that have got in there by mistake.

And don’t worry - by the time they are 7 you can have them addicted to screens and Minecraft and they won’t need their toys… (kidding)

I'm sure you already use these but there are tidy up songs you can play, or do challenges like

For 3yo: here's the empty toy trolley, fill it with toy food from around the house
For 5yo: here's a compartmentalised tray, organise the stationery into it and I'll take a photo when it's perfect

We let them play and then set a 10-minute timer at the end of the day – mine are slightly younger than yours but they love it when we rush around going crazy about needing to tidy up with them! It does require a burst of energy at the end of the day but it’s fun for them, saves us nagging them throughout the day and results in a tidy house. I know that doesn’t help the stress but at least it’ll be tidy for the evening! I also recall reading that mess made in play is good for their development, so I reassure myself with that. And it’s totally normal if irritating.

Two things. First, I think there is a difference between toys everywhere and lids off playdough. Toys everywhere is going to happen. Playdough will go hard if the lid’s left off and make a right mess on the carpet. Anything like that needs put into a place where they can’t reach it alone. It is played with under supervision in a location of your choice.

Secondly, are you trying to tidy up nicely sorted toys? Just whack them all in one big toy box in each room. Kids can then help before being fed, which tends to increase the motivation to help! Or at bedtime.

I hate mess but I also think there is an element of letting go. I have several boxes in each room where toys are just thrown in. Then drawing/painting/play doh etc is kept out of reach and they have to ask for that.

I try to get them to put everything away after each activity but it essentially means me tidying and them helping (and generally me getting annoyed). Getting them to do it themselves entirely has not been remotely successful. I never managed to make tidying up 'fun' but I guess that's because it's not fun!

While it is hard to see the mess , it's also a case of lowering your standards . Or you will drive yourself crazy . Unless you have a designated playroom that you can close the door on you need to include their things in your house . And it is a case of taking the time to teach them . Tidy up is too random for them but Put the Lego in their box is obvious. Things with small parts I used a tray underneath from IKEA . Different colours for different things like cars or figures .

If it's any consolation the toys do get smaller but more expensive!

Thanks all. DD got loads of playdough for her birthday from various people who secretly hate me and so there’s a lot! If I put it away it would just go unused and unloved forever … it’s hard to say what’s best to do!

We are out a lot (going out in twenty minutes actually!) but they can mess the place up so quickly and easily and then it makes playing harder as bits are everywhere. I wish it didn’t get me down but it does.

Chill out and tidy once at the end of the day is what we do. They tidy most with direction and we do bits alongside them to make it a bit quicker.

In early years in school (where there are a lot of loose parts) we have specific times in the day (before lunch/ before afternoon play etc) where we get everyone to stop (using a bell or hands on head looking at the teacher or using jingles) and then get them to sit down and give specific instructions- xxx, you tidy the things off the floor into this basket, yyy, you are putting the Lego away etc.
Does everyone tidy, every time? No. Are there people still playing when others are tidying? Yes. These people then need to do some tidying when everyone else is sitting and having snack. Do some refuse to pick anything up at all? Sometimes. With them we try to use humor, or challenge ‘I bet I can pick up 5 things faster than you..’. Do they still refuse? Sometimes. Then we tell them they need to pick up at least 3 things and then they can go do something else and stay by them while they do it. Sometimes they don’t know where things go, sometimes they find it overwhelming. I will tidy alongside (you do this (small pile, I will do that (larger pile).
Routine and consistency are key - stick to your guns! It really will help you in the long run. (Mind you, my teen is currently wading through a large ‘floor drobe’ 🤦‍♀️)
Sometimes using the same song during tidying up can help, and doing something nice after - story / jumping game - whatever. Oh yeah, we also don’t allow ‘making soup’ type of play where they empty out all the bins of every kind of construction toy into one place. 😱

In hindsight we had too many toys that the DCs didn't care that much for and were just clutter that joined the melée (not helped by being the youngest in several directions of the family so ending up with hand-me-downs that they just weren't fussed about.)

My other big clutter zone was party presents.

Decluttering and focusing on what they really like helps. The things that my two specifically wanted for birthdays/ Christmas tended to be more managable, and better fun: clutter ratio.

I did manage to keep messy things lile dough and paint zoned. They were out of reach and only used in the kitchen.

Mine were Lego fans and the best system for me was a trunk to sling it in and a builders tray to contain the majority. We then have a Really Useful drawer stack to sort little bits in occasionally for sorting by type, but not too overwhelming for daily use.

3 & 5/6 is about the peak of it. Their interests are different and still in lots of little pieces that spread and have low attention span to deal with the aftermath.

I struggle with tidy as you go and building routines unsupported by external factors and my DCs are ND. One did like a tidying up song, but the other hates things like that, but they work well for many children. A few timed short bursts through the day to break the back of it does make a difference which I'm finally getting the hang of in my 40s

Can I ask a stupid question (sorry to derail OP).

But at what age did people start teaching their children to tidy up after themselves. And how does that look when they are very young?

I have tried a lot with my 2 year old, but she does not get it. As soon as you try to tidy up something, she wants to immediately play with it (despite it being on the floor for hours, untouched, tripped over and trod on).

Sorry I can't be any help OP - I feel the same frustrations, especially at being ignored.

I have playdoh as a (semi) supervised thing - I pop in and out when it's in use to make sure its over a hard floor and not carpet, lids are put back on etc. DD(6) has to put it away before she can do something else and I put it somewhere where I have to reach it. We've had playdoh that has lasted years because she knows the lids must go on.

It's all about habits and routines - if they're used to tidying they'll do it (possibly with a bit of moaning but nothing's perfect!) We tidy up stuff before meals/ leaving the house unless she wants to carry on with something specific later. You have to enforce this but it's short term pain for long term gain! Have lots of easy storage for kids to use so that everywhere has a place (or near enough!) Nothing I do is rocket science but DH and I are both consistent with it and we'll help her but not do it for her.

@DeedlessIndeed I'd say 2 is a bit young tbh. Keep trying but I think 3yo is more realistic.

A 2 year old definitely has the capability to get it, play one of the various tidy up songs and both put things in a big basket. Putting things into the basket becomes the game and the playing.

I have a 4yo and this is what works here:
A cube storage unit with 6 boxes in and they’re all for a specific thing (one for all kitchen play food/pots, one for hot wheel cars, one for action figures etc). Easy enough for LO to know where to put things and he can throw them in easily.
Tidying is a game - I bet I can put away the cars faster than you/do you think you can put all that away before I count to 10 etc
Natural consequence of losing bits to something because he wouldn’t help tidy it up.
Craft box that he can’t reach that contains any paint/sand/play dough sets (also contains a little apron) and we get it down together but once we’ve finished, we put it away before he does anything else.

I also accept that sometimes, the house needs to be a mess and sometimes I’m wasting time doing a tidy up when he’s asleep.
Oh and if you have a partner, let the kids see him tidy up too.