To struggle so much with my kids playing

[pointingitout]

Because all I can think about is mess and the work involved in clearing it up.

I know everybody will tell me to get them to tidy up after themselves and that would be fine but they wander through the house with various toys, dropping them where they are and then shooting off to the next thing. I can’t trail them both and often they are involved in what they are doing and ignoring me (I just had to walk away as I was close to blowing due to being ignored.) So after just twenty minutes or so we can end up with toys strewn all over the place, lids off play dough, bits of toys everywhere and they need a lot of help and direction to tidy it which is in all honesty at least as much work as tidying it myself. So in brief - getting them to tidy up doesn’t reduce my workload!

I have tried toy rotation and I am shit at it; I forget that I’ve done it. I don’t think we have that many toys - not hugely excessive - but things like the toy kitchen with lots of little pans and pots and a toy shopping basket with toy food, etc.

I just wish I could be the sort of mum who smiles fondly but I can’t; it stresses the hell out of me.

@dabdab it is very different in school or any sort of childcare setting though.

We can’t even have Lego here as ds just uses it once and then it ends up everywhere. I send him to a Lego club instead.

I’ve tried a tidying up song but the older one just cries and wails until the song is over

IMO Lego and play doh shouldn’t be free for all toys with young children. They sit and play with Lego at the table or on the rug and it goes away as soon as they’re done.
I also wouldn’t be allowing a 6 year old to cry when she’s asked to tidy up, the toys she refuses to tidy get put away and she doesn’t get to play with them for a day or 2 in that case.

Playdough along with kinetic sand are the stuff of the devil 👿.
This where a tray is useful . And when you leave it put a layer of clingfilm on it .

We used to tidy up together by putting different toys in different boxes according to type. All the “people “ figures got lined up across the mantel piece, and that very often inspired a new game. Fond memories now.

Until you get there OP, a clean dustpan and brush is great for picking up Lego 😄

At nursery we have a saying “choose it, use it, put it away” the kids know that if they want to get something different out then they need to put away what they’ve been playing with. There are times when nursery looks like a bombs hit it at tidy up time but we put a song on I usually use the mission impossible timer as they like the music and set it to repeat and we keep going till nursery is tidy!

I think routines like that do tend to go really well in school and nursery settings. It’s difficult at home somehow: if shouldn’t be, I know, but it is.

I think the main difference is that at nursery they have much higher expectations of what toddlers are capable of. I've seriously adjusted mine since seeing what my 2yo can do at nursery.

I think as parents we naturally baby our children because we knew them as babies pretty recently.

A 5, nearly 6yo is very capable of tidying the whole living room if you make it fun and/or worth their while. My dd of that age recently did it when the alternative was doing some cursive homework! She entirely reorganised the crafts cupboard as a way of procrastinating.

But also as I said above, there needs to be an obvious place for everything which is not easy if the house is cluttered (as mine is). Even for an adult that's generally the main obstacle to tidying.

@Kingdomofsleep that is not the ‘main difference’, it is totally incomparable to home in every which way. The staff at nursery are not their mothers, the whole area is designed for children of that age (as opposed to a family home) and they don’t have to live their lives around children - they don’t have to cook or dart out of the door for something or whatever.

At that age things like play dough and paint and pens need to be put away and only come out at a table with adult supervision.

The rest - make sure each type of toy has a home.

You tube has a load of tidy up songs. It’s quite fun for them to see if they can out it all back before the song ends. Even more motivating if there’s a prize.

The more they get out the less they succeed and less they are likely to win.

So they naturally start to create less mess.

The toys have homes but they don’t put them in their homes.

It isn’t like nursery where they are largely in the same room or area; they wander and roam and drop and strew. That’s the problem. Then toys under sofas and what not.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t wait for them to grow out of the toy stage sad as it is in a way! Although that comes with further challenges I am sure!

I feel like I had to make a choice - put in the hard work now to get DD used to tidying up and be consistent with it (and that then continues into chores/cooking etc as she gets older), or do it all myself. I think in the long run it's more effort to do it all myself!

It might take a bit more helicoptering from you to start with to make new habits - watch them playing and catch them as they move on and tell them to put the last thing away first. Or build in an extra 10-15 minutes before mealtimes/ leaving the house to enforce tidying beforehand. But it does require effort or planning either way!

If they ask to do a supported play - e.g a game, play dough, want us to help build towers.
We always say we have to put away the previous toy / game first.
Which helps limit the mess and they are more keen to help tidy up because they want the next thing.

I would always try to do with them, despite it really being me tidying it all up and them putting the odd thing in - as they seem to have a meltdown if I just direct them to tidy up.

Same age for reference!

I think the only real difference is they are consistent and you aren’t.
They aren’t going to learn to tidy up after themselves if sometimes you tell them to tidy and the rest of they time it seems one you just let them scatter Lego everywhere and have playdoh all over the place making a mess.

It’s very easy for them to do, even a 2 year old is more than capable of getting their shoes every day and putting toys away in a container of some sort. Young children actually enjoy being independent and doing grown up things.

If you actually just focus on consistency and a positive attitude they will pick it up in no time. You’re still going to be the one to lead and talk them it’s tidy up time, no one’s saying a 3 year old will be just put it away after themselves unprompted but a 3 and 6 year old should not be crying when you ask them to tidy up their toys.

Introduce some simple rules and storage

i have a 5 and 3yo and felt really similarly, plus it drove me mad when things weren’t where I could find them!
we have a kallax and a set of boxes (scattered in various cupboards!) they can have one box at a time. Everything goes back in before they move on.

they do a lot of the tidying, because it’s straightforwardly chucking stuff back in. I help with more complicated things like bitty games etc, but I also usually play those with them. I do also sometimes remind myself this stage won’t last long and the huge boxes will probably be replaced by LEGO and computer games!!

we also have a box on each floor by the stairs with stuff that needs to go up/down so out of place stuff goes in there and gets sorted by me usually every couple of days

Playing is learning and so essential for children.
Close the doors to some rooms.
Limit the number of toys like puzzles and lego out at once.
Tidy up just twice a day, with child.
Try leaving toys in zones - sand toys in sandpit, paper and crayons on table. etc and some never packed away.