My husband became my boss professionally, and I don't know how to feel about it

[pohju]

My husband and I both work professionally, but in completely different fields. Recently, our companies started collaborating on a major project, and yesterday I found out that my husband is actually leading it.

It's a big project, and financially it's going to be very good for our family. I'm genuinely happy about that, and I'm proud of him. But at the same time, it means that for the next 4–5 months, I'm going to be working under him.

Our roles are also very different. I'll be working longer hours and handling a lot of the day to day work, while he'll mainly be involved in decision l l making, important meetings and meetings with clients. So even though we'll technically be working on the same project, he'll have authority over the work I'm doing.

And honestly, I'm finding that a little difficult to process.

I know my husband. I know he's not going to intentionally disrespect me or treat me badly. But I also know that when he's in a professional role, he can be very direct and demanding. There will probably be times when he has to tell me to change something, redo something, work longer, or do something differently.

Hearing those things from my husband is probably going to affect me differently than hearing them from another manager.

I love him very much and I have no problem with his success. This isn't about being threatened by him or thinking he shouldn't be my boss. It's more about the strange feeling of having the person I come home to every night suddenly having professional authority over me.

I think there's a small part of my ego that feels uncomfortable with it, even though I know that's probably something I need to separate from the actual situation.

Same thing happened to me. Colleague told me how a, not actually that new member of staff, had excitedly told her he’d seen me and ‘boss’ out for dinner. She had a lot of fun with it. I’d been married to him about 8 years at that point.

I would ask to change projects. J would be concerned this could impact on home life. This is not the company's concerned I know.

If you are expecting to be told to change or amend work and that is normal then what is the issue.

No organisation I have ever worked for would allow this.

This.
I wouldn't like this and for all you write positively about him, it reads as if you think it could cause a real issue, because he has the potential to be a bit of a dick.

Raise it jointly with your employer. I was once the line manager for my recent ex husband. I hated it. Too many delicate things thrown into a professional dynamic.

That sounds great until things go wrong. Someone needs to be a team lead when someone stops pulling their weight or needs a disciplinary. It's bloody obvious that a spouse would be treated differently to another member of staff, even if that's making more of an example of them to show that nobody's playing favourites.
So it absolutely should be an issue in your workplace.

If he’s direct and demanding then you have a husband issue rather than a work issue. I wouldn’t be dating anyone who was rude to people just before they saw them as “beneath”
them.
My partner is my boss. Conflict of interest declared as soon as we could, we have a professional working relationship and he treats me the same as everyone else. But then he’s not a mean boss to anybody, so…..

Seems you’re okay with him treating people badly until it’s going to be you on the receiving end, now suddenly you don’t like it….

If the OP can't be arsed to come back and discuss after 23 hours, I can't be arsed to comment. 👋

I worked with my H is 3 different organisations. While HR knew we were married no one else did. We kept our professional and private life separate. We didn't dicuss work at home. We had a rule that we'd debrief for 15 minutes after work and then leave work there. You have to separate things or you'll he loving and breathing work for the next 6 months.

As necessary according to the project's needs.

It's not really a conflict of interests in the sense that expression is usually used - both teams working on the project want it to succeed.

But it's a staff welfare issue for you two re it being harder to separate work and home and for the project to succeed all the people working on it need proper downtime.

Can you swap to a different project / role? Can he do similar?

I honestly find this insane. Your husband is going to be the Project Manager and you’re upset that he might have to tell you to change something, redo something, work longer, or do something differently even though it’s perfectly acceptable if someone else does. You’re both just doing your jobs. FML

Professionally get a layer of separation if you can.

Be professional.
If either of you can not, find other work.

Try to enjoy yourselves.
You get to see more of your favourite person.

It’s a conflict to manage someone you are in a relationship with. That’s a given in just about every well established company. If you head a team, your husband is a team member, and you find out he’s fiddling the books, are you going to report him and get him fired just as if he was anyone else? Impossible to know because you’re conflicted. Ditto if he’s performing badly, are you going to acknowledge this and performance manage him? You’re conflicted.

It’s short term. If it’s long term I could understand.
You have said it will very good financially for your family so I’d do it. Alternatively one of you needs to step aside.

My read was the husband will manage the project but he’s not actually her line manager as such. Is that right OP?

This.

My (now ex) was my boss for many years (not the reason we split)
it’s quite easy to compartmentalise, once you’ve the 1st few professional interactions out of the way.
my ex was probs my harder on me than others to prove there was no ‘special’ treatment. I was relieved & happy about this (weirdly) I’m a very hard worker, very knowledgable in my field & don’t need special treatment. I’m happy to be encouraged to review something /collaborate. He didn’t need to tell me to work over etc.
im assuming you’ll already be all over deadlines & requirements for any additional hours etc so he’ll not need to bring that up.
youre already established, competent in your field, surely he respects that & of course you, his wife?
we didn’t discuss work at home. That was something we didn’t need to agree too.

It is also a conflict of interest re other staff. If, as project lead he is asked to give appraisal feedback to line managers on people’s performance on the project. If he gives positive feedback on his wife and she gets a promotion or pay rise then he directly benefits from the boost in their household income.

The flip side is anyone he gives negative feedback about would immediately claim bias and say he is judging them by a different standard than his wife (even if he hasn’t in reality). It’s not just the conflict, it’s the perception of the conflict.

What if he needs everyone to work longer hours but they have a childcare issue with both of them working late so he doesn’t put the same requirements on deliverables from his wife’s team even though other staff members in other teams also face similar childcare issues.

There are lots of scenarios where it could create a conflict.

For 4 or 5 months put your professional hats on as you walk out the door, Op.
Both agree to that, and no shop talk at home.

You both work in different areas.
It is a real First World problem.
You will cope.
Small businesses work with family.
Huge corporations have partners who are related.

I'm astonished your companies are happy with an arrangement in which your husband is managing you. They do know?