AIBU to think my toddler should have had a snack in 4 1/2 visit to grandparents?

[Sailawaygirl]

DMum and Ddad not giving toddler snacks during a visit with them?
Not the biggest issues, but it's been sitting with me so just wanted some views.

DM and DP had my Ds at there home from 1030 until 2.30. ( we left my home at 1015) They don't regularly have him at home but wanted to spend sometime with him and I used the opportunity to get hair cut.

When I dropped him off I said that he would want some crakers and cheese and some fruit as a snack and DM told went through what she was planning do have for lunch. He had some biscuit snack in his bag. I thought that lunch would be at a normal time around 1pm ish.
When I came back at 2.30 mum was just dishing up lunch and said he hadn't had any food until then. TBF he was fine just very hungry and did a hungry caterpillar impression, DS ate cheese, ham, a bit of quiche, and a big bowl of fruit amd then some ice cream with DM.

So no harm done but wouldn't most people give a toddler at least a snack in a 4 1/2 hours!

Backstory- my mum has a very odd thing with meals so I spent alot of time as a kid being hungry because she wasn't hungry so how could anyone else be! She one of those people that will eat a late b/fast cause she can't eat first thing in the morning then cant possibly eat lunch a 1.30 as has just had breakfast. Even planned pub lunch she says she's not hungry lets go for a walk first and then we get into pub and the kitchen is about to close!
So I know I should have handed over the meal time more clearly to her and it was a communication error on my side.
I guess I'm annoyed that she couldn't at least consider the almost 3 years old have regular snacks and 'normal meal times'.

He’s fine. Feed him a bigger breakfast whenever he visits them.

I definitely would expect a toddler to be given lunch before 2. 30. Think you’ll need to be really clear with your mum about meal times in future and send him with a packed lunch!

I don’t think he’ll need to see the Dr for malnutrition.. I’m sure he goes longer without food when asleep - chill

Ideally he would have eaten earlier, but unless there are any medical conditions you haven't mentioned, it's not the end of the world.

If this is what she does around food and you used to go hungry, then you need to take this on board in the future. Either give him a bigger and/or later breakfast, or give him something to tide him over just before you leave the house, or send him with his lunch in a lunch box and instruct your mum that he should have it at 12.30.

Don't assume she will change the habits of a lifetime.

Assuming he still has a nap, my toddler would need lunch before 12:30 so he could have a nap afterwards. Otherwise they’d have an overtired hangry toddler on their hands!

Sometimes it's good for them to be hungry for their lunch though not just snacking all day.

Maybe next time say he needs his lunch at 1pm or whatever as that's when you do mealtimes at home. If she's so regimented to meals she should stick to that as it makes sense?

I don't see why she did was wrong kids these days always seem to be forever snacking yes I am showing my age but we didn't have this much growing up

My mum is a bit like yours. At almost 3, can your DS ask for food if he's hungry / make a makaton sign for food/drink? Maybe he was just busy and didn't realise how hungry he was till lunch was served. I'm always amazed at the long stretches mine can do at nursery as they're always eating at home! Xx

You might not have had snacks but you probably had your lunch before 2.30pm.

I found when DS was young he would eat better at meals with fewer snacks, what did he have for breakfast, what time was it and had he eaten anything else before you took him there?

Sorry I’ve said YABU-
you know what she’s like, so you should have been more specific and less vague.
Hes nearly 3. Surely if he was that hungry he could ask for food? Or show in some way that he wants his snack?
And no harm done anyway.

I would expect most people to feed a toddler lunch at around 12 / 12.30 / or 1pm at the latest BUT I voted YABU as you know your Mum isn't 'most people' and has unusual habits around when she eats lunch, so I would have made it really clear if I were leaving them for that long that they needed to eat by X time, and I would probably have sent a picnic lunch with them.

I'm sure the toddler would have let her know, loud and clear, if he was really hungry.

Sounds like they were both busy having fun together and didn't notice the time.

Thank you for being kind so far!
To answer some questions..
Mum would be really offended if I brought a packed lunch for him.. she's almost a hyacinth bucket character so lunch when it arrives was a semi formal, sit at dining table with the posh cutlery and homemade quiche and salad spread ( which is absolutely lovely even if slightly over kill in opinion but DM thinks I'm a slob for not having cake forks in my draw).
Ds is very chatty but also very active and not able to quite reflect on how he is feeling yet so does say if he is hungry although he does ask for a drink if he is quiet but most of the time he has to see his drink or some food to know he wants it.
And yes I did end up with a very tried, late napping toddler! Although as it was so hot he wouldn't have napped in his bed anyway and he fell asleep in the car on the home very quickly.
I guess I know that when he either goes very bouncy or grumpy he is hungry, I have tried to explain his hungry cues to DM but I will be more explicit in the future.
he is 2 and 8 months old amd doesn't use his baby signing anymore appart from signing please and thank you

Yeah I mean he’ll live. Either tell them lunch is at X time or don’t leave him with them if you know she’s like this. But 4.5hrs for a haircut, really?

Ideally he should have been fed earlier but I totally get the thing about your Mum not feeding you (and now your child) because she’s not hungry. This was my whole childhood too. I was only speaking about this with my siblings the other day. We would ask for food and would be told no, we couldn’t possibly be hungry because she wasn’t. There was never any food in the house as we were poor (that’s another story) so we couldn’t just easily help ourselves, plus she’d have gone mad if we did!

I'm surprised he didn't say he was hungry or get very grumpy. It's a long time for toddler to go without food.

My dc's grandparents are similar and I always provide a lunch box of snacks, put them in his bag, and tell him and them where the snacks are. He usually retrieves his own lunch box and can eat from there. He's also very vocal about being hungry, so grandparent would have to be really negligent to ignore the request.

You could try the same - grandma will have to just suck it up as not feeding a child when they are hungry is just mean.

This actually brings me so much comfort reading you had this too!! My mum is 'cook from scratch person' so cubbards had lots of ingredients but no 'instant snack foods'. Amd the disparity between her cooking big meals for dinner parties and cakes for everyone on the street vs wanting lunch at the weekend seems so odd. I'm sorry there was also no food in house for you, I know my mum was brought up in some poverty so maybe it was a way for her to excuse not having enough food and then it suck as a habit?

I will definitely tell DS what snacks he has and put them in his lunch bag so he can get them out next time, so he is not relying on being asked.

Why not just say he needs a meal at x time and surely she will do that? He didn’t need a snack, he needed lunch! How odd she didn’t offer food. Is it because he would make a mess?

Same here. We had no food in the house we also went hungry, always had the bare minimum ingredients and no crisps juice nothing like that. We used to eat peanut butter with a spoon if there was any in the cupboard, my dad used to go mad at us for doing that. I can remember as a child eating a raw sausage out the fridge!!

Make sure your dc doesn't have food issues from listening to dgm.
Lunch is at lunchtime not waiting til half bloody 2 because dgm says so.

• and its drawer! Likely dm will be horrified at that also! I had a period of anorexia and malnutrition-learned behaviour from dm.

No he makes minimal mess ! And very well on his little chair! They accept some mess comes with toddlers. He did have a plastic mat under the table when he was a baby and in the throwing food stage , but they haven't used that for ages.
He didn't have much to drink either and was glugging it down at the 2.30 lunch! And was really thirsty after his napp.
I guess I'm so used to thinking and remembering and prompting about toddler food, snacks and drinks they are not.
And maybe it is a generation thing as well.

I might might have expected an earlier lunch but not a snack as I would expect a snack before arriving and after.