AIBU to think my toddler should have had a snack in 4 1/2 visit to grandparents?

[Sailawaygirl]

DMum and Ddad not giving toddler snacks during a visit with them?
Not the biggest issues, but it's been sitting with me so just wanted some views.

DM and DP had my Ds at there home from 1030 until 2.30. ( we left my home at 1015) They don't regularly have him at home but wanted to spend sometime with him and I used the opportunity to get hair cut.

When I dropped him off I said that he would want some crakers and cheese and some fruit as a snack and DM told went through what she was planning do have for lunch. He had some biscuit snack in his bag. I thought that lunch would be at a normal time around 1pm ish.
When I came back at 2.30 mum was just dishing up lunch and said he hadn't had any food until then. TBF he was fine just very hungry and did a hungry caterpillar impression, DS ate cheese, ham, a bit of quiche, and a big bowl of fruit amd then some ice cream with DM.

So no harm done but wouldn't most people give a toddler at least a snack in a 4 1/2 hours!

Backstory- my mum has a very odd thing with meals so I spent alot of time as a kid being hungry because she wasn't hungry so how could anyone else be! She one of those people that will eat a late b/fast cause she can't eat first thing in the morning then cant possibly eat lunch a 1.30 as has just had breakfast. Even planned pub lunch she says she's not hungry lets go for a walk first and then we get into pub and the kitchen is about to close!
So I know I should have handed over the meal time more clearly to her and it was a communication error on my side.
I guess I'm annoyed that she couldn't at least consider the almost 3 years old have regular snacks and 'normal meal times'.

I am laughing at darw / drawer ( I'm so dyslexic!)
But it's sad how these comments from our DMs can so easily trigger or exacerbate eating disorders. I've not suffered from one, but I can easily understand how food comments make people vulnerable. I try and be as mindful as possible and show a healthy food relationship.

I don't want to derail here, but a cupboard full of instant snack foods isn't a great habit to get into either, especially with a toddler.

I know how tempting it can be to keep them happy and quiet with something to gnaw on but it's not great for their long term health.

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@Sailawaygirl I’m over 70 but I know a toddler needs lunch at lunchtime. Most nursery/school routines are built around lunchtime at 12.30 ish. I’m not that geriatric and neither are they. Just tell them what his routine is. I just gave dm a timetable and she had water available. I somewhat assumed your DM might be houseproud! If she won’t get lunch at lunchtime, big breakfast and take cheese and fruit - if she will give it to him. Also do teach him to ask!

Oh this sort of thing happened with my mum too when DC were young
Apparently me expecting them to have eaten lunch by 2.30 or dinner by 7 was me being rigid about routine…

My 3 and 5 year olds don’t snack, never have. Lunch at 2:30pm would not be unusual for us.

Was your child hungry? That would make me sad, if my child was very hungry and being made to wait. But personally my children simply wouldn’t get particularly hungry in that time frame.

I agree my kids are meals at meal times, they never had snacks for. A start I couldn't afford to give them snacks between meals. They had their breakfast then lunch with something swéet afterwards an apple or grapes or a satsuma . Then evening meal with a proper pudding. As adults they still don't snack between meals, not soon sure why it seems to be a thing these days .

@Craftycariad The dc was not given lunch until 2.30. That’s late for most toddlers and it’s never that late at nursery. Op just wanted him to have food really! I’d not give him a snack but I’d give him lunch much earlier in consultation with mum.

Kids don't need to eat to a clock though do they really, if the toddler had been hungry then the gp would have had a very upset child on their hands. They admitted the child eat all their meal when they had it. Making such a fuss about food is why people developed issues with food

No one needs snacks, including kids

As a general rule I think children snack far too often

You’ve made a mistake of posting on Mumsnet OP, as most posters are vehemently anti-snack. Ignoring the fact that young kids have smaller stomachs and need feeding more frequently, whether it’s a snack or a sensible mealtime.

I remember being starving at times, as on a Sunday it was expected we would wait until lunch (no snacks!) which would be mid to late afternoon. I would be so hungry I would massively overeat and feel rough for the rest of the day. As an adult, I physically cannot eat enough to last more than a few hours, so snacking is what prevents my BMI from getting too low.

Yes thats far too long for him to wait. What was she thinking!

@Craftycariad What! Feeding a dc regularly gives dc food issues? Of course it doesn’t. It’s good practice to have three main meals a day and dc do
eat lunch before 2.30 in every processional setting you can think of. Thry don’t wait until 2.30 and why should they have to cry or whine because they are hungry? How bizarre to think that’s great for anyone. This child should have had lunch between 12.30 and 1 and only later if mum said ok. It’s the grandma who is wrong and rigid. The child is only with her for a few hours, so how difficult was it to feed him at a normal time?

Don’t worry about offending your mum. Just pack him a lunch. My mum and my MIL will always have some snacks or fruit in but always pack her food. My daughter has AFFRID so I do get it’s a bit different, but I did this when she was younger also, and she ate a large variety.

Same reasons I think parents feel the need to sign kods up to a milliom activities from the time they can walk they play to this weird guilt thing or dont want bored kids

YABU because you grew up with her weird food ways so you should have known better than to presume.

Pre prepare snacks and tell your DM hell have it after 2 hrs in-between lunch.

It was an exception to your and his usual routine.

he didn’t miss an essential medication.

he missed a snack.

no one died. He was hungry and hoovered up a late lunch.

really wouldn’t spend too much energy thinking about this

kids adapt to different circumstances. He survived. No drama.

I would expect a toddler to have lunch or at least a snack before 2.30 but you said she doesn't have him regularly, maybe she just found it more full on than she expected and didn't get round to sorting lunch until then or perhaps like you say she didn't feel hungary herself and isn't used to normal mealtimes so it just didn't cross her mind until your son started to show he was hungry. No big deal really

He’ll be and was fine no wonder there such a massive amount of over overweight kids
they don’t need snack just 3 good meals

Was he hungry?

My grandson 2 will ask for a snack - I have toddler snacks available - how old is your child ?

I'm of the generation when my mother was advised to feed her babies every 4 hours as new borns, with advice to leave the baby to cry if it wasn't time for a feed.

Yes it is not ideal, if there is a next time make sure your DS has some snacks and a drink and make sure your DM knows that t 12.00 he needs a snack, phone her to remind her if you have to.

I know this has upset you and I do understand why. My mother was exactly the same and we later realised anorexic. She didnt feel hungry so no one else was. When my children were young I used to pack food and tell her a time. I wouldnt really worry getting hungry is a good thing we are all so programmed about food many adults never have normal eating signals. She looked after my kids for years and they still remember her Sunday roast which by the time she had cooked arrived anytime between 4 pm and 8pm nothing serious happened.