AIBU to want a cleaner when my husband says we do not need one?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

I like a clean house, not obsessively, but I do feel more relaxed when the basic jobs are done.

We are both early retirees and have just come back from a relaxing break which has made me realise how fed up I am with the boring stuff like vacuuming, bathrooms, floors and dusting.

We can afford a cleaner, but my DH is adamant we don’t need one as, “there’s only two of us” However, whilst he will “help” if he’s asked, he tends to do the barest minimum - vacuuming in one straight line through a room without moving any objects for example - or says it doesn’t need doing, when it clearly does. We also have a very lively dog who will inevitably creates some mess, plus two cats.

I had a lovely and locally recommended woman pop in the other day to give me a quote of £34 for two hours a week, which I think is very reasonable, but DH is still chuntering that it’s a waste of money, “as the house is clean anyway” whilst completely missing the point that it doesn’t just magically happen. I have my own income anyway which will fund the cleaning, but I am conscious it’s his home too, so I’d rather he was onboard and agreeable if possible.

Not quite sure how to word the AIBU poll, so feedback and thoughts would be great thanks!

As you're planning to fund it from your income it's your decision. Go for it OP!

Not unreasonable at all, you’re doing the bulk of the cleaning and finding the cleaner yourself. X

You are not unreasonable, and he should be paying half. If it's a waste of money, he can step up and do his share.

If he doesn’t do at least 50 percent then he doesn’t get a say. You want him to be on board but he has spent your whole marriage choosing to pay no attention to your standards for cleaning. He’s made himself, at the very least, irrelevant in this matter.

I have to put my bit in which is there is no fucking way I would put my personal money towards compensating for dhs inadequacies. I’d tell him to come in, watch me clean, this is his tutorial, and either he learn it and clean properly or he pays for a cleaner. Those are his choices, continuing to do his half arsed pathetic excuses for ‘cleaning’ while telling you there’s no need to pay for someone halfway competent is not an option. He’s an adult with eyes, a brain and two working hands and if it’s just too tricky for him then that’s clearly a reason to bring in the professionals.

As your DH isnt doing his fair share of cleaning he doesn't get a say in whether you get a cleaner or not

£34 a week is very reasonable, go for it

As your DH isnt doing his fair share of cleaning he doesn't get a say in whether you get a cleaner or not

£34 a week is very reasonable, go for it

I would give him the option of either him doing it - to your standards of course - or getting a cleaner in.
Ive been seriously considering getting one myself even though theres only me mostly. Its not the doing of any of the jobs, its when it stops me from doing what i want. Cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the stairs is never what i want to be doing.

I’d give him the list of jobs the cleaner will do, split them down the middle and tell him this is the deal now since he doesn’t want a cleaner. Then give him a week and he will have a different opinion.

Absolutely get the cleaner, DO NOT self fund. You’re both benefiting, he has not pulled his finger out, he’s had ample opportunity. Shared expense, shared benefit.

Also yes I agree it should be a joint expense. Your DH can either fund a cleaner or do the work himself

Why should she have to pay for it all herself when both of them will benefit?

Don't do any cleaning for a couple of weeks. See if he steps up and cleans thoroughly or caves in and agrees you need a cleaner. I pay £20 an hour so I think £17 is a bargain.

Yeah he needs to do 50% properly without prompting or get a cleaner in. Mine does 2.5 hours per week and keeps the main living areas/kitchens and bathrooms clean, we do bedrooms and en suites ourselves

Yes, I have considered this. Unfortunately, lovely as he is in other ways and tbf he is very clean in his own personal hygiene, his priorities and standards over what is clean and tidy in the house have always been a bit different from mine!

And pay his share too.

This exactly!

I feel it’s like shaking off that mindset that I should be just getting on with it myself, when actually there’s plenty of other things I’d rather do, and then not helped by DH reinforcing that mindset by telling me we don’t need a cleaner.

It's almost worth having a job just to have a cleaner IMO. Half day/week we get back. I pay 44/week for 2 hours so that's a very good price.

This. And he needs to do them to your standards too.

If you want the cleaner get her. Ignore his protests.

He doesn't do his share so he doesn't get a say.

My dh kept saying but we can do it ourselves. Yes we can, but you don't. And after 5 years living with him at that point I'd had enough. He went on scout camp for a week and looked genuinely shocked when I told him it was easier while he was away. Then I told him we were getting a cleaner and that was the end of it.

I find that the people that aren't amenable to getting a cleaner are the people who don't do the cleaning and seem to think it does itself.

Don't ask him again, just book her in and tell him when she's coming so he can make sure he's decent.

Sod that OP, life's too short.

Well you have tried the diy method and the diy with assistance now it is time to try the paid cleaner method.

Tell him you are going to see how it works out with the cleaner for 4 weeks and by then he will be less resistant.

There comes a point, when an argument keeps going round in circles, that you can just stop having it. You don’t need to convince him: just go ahead and ignore the chuntering.

I found it really liberating when I cottoned on to this.

I can’t believe you need to ask this. What an absolute twat your husband is being in this situation. I hope he is otherwise nice (though I can’t really imagine that he could be given this). How can you possibly think he has any say at all given he doesn’t do it himself?!? Absolutely batshit. Use joint funds, he benefits too.