Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

When you say my house, I presume you mean our house with your DH. He is happy about it so I think that’s 50% of the people living in the house in favour.

So, who wins?

DH wins this time, as OP has already said.

This. Just tell them, you don't seem to mince words. They'll then decide whether to visit or not.

I find modern dog owners rather pathetic with their assumptions that their ‘baby’ is welcome wherever they are invited. You need to be inflexible in this regard.

Excellent! Not sure what age was asking really!

Has the OP been back to the thread?

Yes, 74 times

They should chain it up outside for the duration

I meant to give us an update?

95% of my friends own a dog. Not a single one of them assumes their dog is welcome anywhere outside their own home. In fact, we have to expressly state that when we invite them, their dog is included because we know that accepting may involve a bit of stress on their part worrying about who will have their dog while away.

As lucky as I think I am to have such lovely friends, I really don’t think they are especially unrepresentative of normal people and other dog owners.

On what? She said she was going to just suck it up. Don’t think there’s any more of an update she can give?

@Netcurtainnelly

the ones I mix with don’t

It’s a presumption for sure. If they usually visit without their dog, is the dog new? Have they yet to understand that not everyone loves dogs. Perhaps this visit is a teachable moment.

What difference does that make? Would you go to someone's home for a weekend and take a dog with you without asking?

I’m also pet free and wouldn’t welcome a dog to stay in my house. I don’t want a dog on my carpets or on my furniture, I don’t want one weeing or pooing on my grass outside. I just don’t welcome dogs in my home as a pet free home…. And that is ok

And they never used to be! Up to a point it's nice that there are more places dog owners can take their dogs now, but the pendulum's swung too far the other way imo. There never used to be this entitled assumption from so many dog owners that 'doggy comes too' at all times.

💯

Absolutely agree. We live in a beautiful coastal and mountainous area of Wales . Sometimes go out for the day taking the dogs. We take a break for lunch but I always check ahead are dogs welcome. Our two sit under the table and doze anyway. If they were barking, snappy we wouldn't go into any premises.

But there are some dogs that are snappy can't socialise with other dogs who are stressed out in company. I'm sorry leave them in the boot or at home if you haven't been able to socialise them.

Maybe yappy and happy.

@DoggyAuntie - YANBU. But I suspect you would get less opprobrium if you were to casually mention you drown puppies at the weekend 🤷‍♀️

your in-laws are being unreasonable by assuming they could bring their dog without asking

you are being unreasonable for being fuming that they are bringing their dog when you won't even speak to them about it

I have a dog and do not take him anywhere without asking if it would be ok

Dogs are pets, not some special in-between being.

This is so true, @VivienneDelacroix! We aren't expected to accommodate other people's hamsters, gerbils, rats, guinea pigs, rabbits, cats, ponies, chickens or anything else, and people can love those pets just as much as they love their dogs.

But over the past 5-10 years a proportion of dog owners have lost their collective minds and insisted their canine pals must be allowed everywhere human beings can go.

Thank heavens there are still sage dog owners around.

I think small children might think their teddy bears/soft toys are family, OP 😂

Yes - they have something to learn too. However, BIL and wife will only learn anything if they're told at some point that you were 'disappointed' they automatically assumed they could bring an animal into your home without running it past your first. So if you 'suck it up', mention it to them afterward - otherwise they'll probably presume that dog was welcome

As ever there is just no reasoning with dog-people!

I am a little sympathetic to your concerns but if you knew they had a dog, stayed at their house with said dog, and then invited them to your house, there's a reasonable expectation the dog would come too, unless you specifically said no. It was up to you to stipulate the boundaries. Also if the dog comes this time you are setting a precedent so if you are going to do/say something...now is the time.

I have a medium sized yappy dog. I dont bring him with me to my sister in laws house because as he gets up on my furniture i appreciate my sister in law would hate that. I have blankets and cushion covers on my furniture which are swapped out at least weekly. No smells. Not alot you can do about yappy.

If you decide to let the dog come ...most dogs are calmer/sleepier after a good walk so go out for a walk twice a day with them and the dog. Put spare blankets on furniture if that's going to be an issue. Let the dog stay in their room with its bed and a chew. Make sure its peed and pooped before each stay in the room. Have an old towel available should it get wet. Make sure it has a chew toy.