Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

I think it’s kinda obvious the dog would be with them
Why? My parents, brother and in-laws all had dogs and never brought them on holiday or to visit.

Where did you think the dog might be?
In a boarding kennel or having a dog sitter stay, like sane people would.

To many, a dog is part of the family, just as much as a child is
And that's a bit dysfunctional. I love my pets, but I don't confuse them with actual human members of the family. Animals don't exist to be emotional crutches. If you can't see the difference between a dog and your daughter or son, there's something wrong

Of course it was rude not to ask whether they could bring the dog to your house. If their niece had had to be on holidays with them, I’m sure they would have let you know about her being with them. The dog shouldnt be a given. I say this as a dog owner too!

Yes, pretty much.

I started the thread to ask if I was unreasonable to think my in-laws were rude.

@Hayley1256 Cripes, why on earth would anyone show up to a wedding with their dog without checking beforehand that it was a dog-friendly venue?! And then get offended when it wasn't!

That poor animal probably gets dragged around everywhere when he'd rather be at home having a nap.

Yes you are being unreasonable. You are the one who has identified a problem and you have not given your ILs any indication there is a problem and given them a chance to find a solution. YABU

They/them, in case they don’t identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. Has nobody actually asked the dog their preference? How rude.

This is funny OP. We're all invested as to how you will handle this visit, i'm going for passive aggressive.

@BruFord I know! Sometimes you can tell he just wants to relax and she insists on taking him everywhere! Even if the venue was dog friendly I don't know anyone else who would bring a dog to a wedding without checking with the bride.

I completely agree that it was their responsibility to ask if the dog could also stay. As they haven’t, I would ask your DH to speak to his brother about what the plans for the dog are - including where will it sleep? I think it is reasonable to clarify how THEY are planning to ensure that the dog does not cause any damage to your home etc.
I’d be annoyed too OP - and I have a dog myself- which I would never assume is welcome anywhere!!

It's not the OP's brother who is meant to be visiting but her brother-in-law!

👋🏼 another dog owner here and no, I’d never assume the invitation included our dogs. But, we have traditional sized/big dogs, who we treat like dogs.
Is your in-laws dog a little thing, perhaps a child substitute?

I’m always amazed when I see people carrying presumably healthy dogs in bags etc, as if they are toys. Why?

This is all quite extreme. A brief overnight visit from a supervised dog is not quite the same as opening the door to the zombie apocalypse from hell.
Could you not just suck it up for the sake of future positive family relationships? And future Christmas (es)?

Someone rocking up with a dozen dogs would not bother me but I'm not you. So, as you have said: 1. you didn't realise they would bring the dog and 2. your DH can't see your problem and 3. you don't want to rock the boat at this late stage with family. All fine. So, get through this with gritted teeth (and probably little/no wine if you drink alcohol: you don't want your true feelings coming out) and re-assess.

1. Was the experience absolutely hideous.
2. Were your sofas and carpets trashed (if so, that's on DH to replace from his own funds.)?
3. Going forward, have a conversation with DH about the dog coming for future visits if you still don't want an animal in the house and tell him to explain.

I find people taking their dogs with them everywhere baffling. When we had dogs, they would stay with family for short breaks or at kennels for langer breaks. They enjoyed their time away, pack walks and playing, and were always happy.
If I was in OPs position, I would have assumed one of these solutions had been employed for the dog.

Think you've covered everything here.

Lots of us, with dogs, travel in the UK and don't always take our dogs with us. Even my most dog-mad friends would never visit with their dog without checking first that it was OK. Your brother-in-law is the unreasonable one.

In the past people smacked their children and snoked ciggys around babies 🤷🏼‍♀️ also around the time that teachers used the cane and men were legally allowed to beat their wives with a stick no thicker than their thumb. Women!! They werent allowed mortgages or bank accounts alone and we used to leave babies in prams outside pubs and houses.

It's almost as if society evolves.

Sure but if someone says "hey, why don't you stay with us on your way back?" Then it would be natural to assume that included everyone who was on the trip.

Yes, I do think they are being rude not to mention they are bringing their dog. However, I am taking the side of your husband. Is it worth a major family fall out which could extend to other family members not just them? Does your DH handle conflict well, as he will be stuck in the middle of this? I wouldn't dream of imposing my dog on someone without asking. But unfortunately you may have to go along with it just this once to keep the peace.

Feel free to live life by rigid definitions.
I know people with dogs who would absolutely describe them as family.. and when they lost them, they mourned deeply. Would you be the sort to tell someone who had lost a pet that it was "just a dog"... because I think you would be.

How does anyone know BIL didn't check with his brother? The OP is the only one who has the problem with the dog, the DH is fine with it, "it's just one of those things" etc. etc. This is not about he BIL or the dog - the OP doesn't want the dog in the house but won't send a friendly message to her BIL saying so.

“Evolving” to fur baby status isn’t an improvement, as other things which are new, eg, teens on social media rather than meeting up F2F.

I'm not happy. I'm fuming!

No.

In fairness more people holiday with their dog than with the England Women's Rugby team in tow.

I think just hit this head on OP: tell them you noticed the dog on insta and give them a heads up you aren't keen for it to stay and you had not realised. They will almost certainly be bringing the dog, as it's not like it can catch the train and meet them back home.