Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

Perhaps DH could fund a cleaner when they leave ...

Again, how is it resolved?

Telling them they can't come inconveniences my in-laws, annoys my husband and makes them all think I'm a selfish cow.

Next time they invite you to theirs, turn up with your free range budgie.

#cages are cruel.

I’d be saying to them you didn’t know they had the dog with them and ask them which kennels the dog will be staying at when they visit you? Make it clear the dog isn’t invited and it isn’t negotiable! Exceptionally rude to think they can just turn up with it to stay jumping all over your sofa and peeing on your carpet! Because that’s what happens! No matter that anyone says “oh he’s such a well behaved dog you won’t even notice he’s here…” nope their idea of well behaved and everyone else’s is very different!

A cleaner is not needed for a dog staying overnight.
That is some really hyperbolic reaction from someone who hates dogs.... such as seeing a dog makes your house stink etc

My in-laws aren't dirty. My new sofas and carpets will be dirty after their dog has slobbered all over them.

If they were holidaying in the uk I would assume their dog was also going

This. But now that you've realised, and don't want to accomodate, YANBU to cancel. I can't see how they are at fault/rude though.

FFS, my mum's dog comes to my house all the time and he has never pissed on the carpet or jumped everywhere.

But it’s not just “another person’s” home, it’s the dog owner’s brother’s home. We actually took kittens 4 hours to my granny’s house for a family event for 3 days so maybe we’re just a different kind of family.

What breed of dog is it? A mastiff? They slobber. A little Yorkie. They don't.

I thought it was your brother in law and wife! Make up your mind.

Should I expect to bring my house rabbit along to everyone’s house I visit as well then? Ridiculous. Dogs aren’t the same as humans.

For everyone saying ‘it’s a family member’, how would you respond if someone turned up at your gaff with a pet that you don’t want that is going to make your sofa and carpets potentially smell and get dribble on them?

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No, not you, I know your dog is clean and doesn’t dribble, I meant all the other people on this thread.

That's kind of mad. The dog owners should check - how would a non dog owner know her bil and sil were taking their dog on holiday not leaving it with dog sitters? I guess some pet owners might take a collection of house rabbits or cats on holiday, or even their pony in some specific context, but if they expect their pets hosted by anyone else they need to be the ones asking, not expecting their relatives to guess!

If booking a hotel or other accommodation a pet owner wanting to take the pet with them is the one who has to find out whether pets are welcome - the same applies whoever's house you want to stay in.

But they are dirty. They roll in shit and bring it indoors. They put their shitty bums on carpets and furniture. It’s an incredible cognitive dissonance that dog owners experience to convince themselves this is somehow not the case.

I think I prefer dogs to humans just from reading this thread 😆🙄

I appear to be in the minority but I have a dog and I love my dog, but the dog doesn't always go everywhere with me. Occasionally I'll have a break that isn't dog friendly. If I am visiting someone I don't think the onus is on the host to ask if I'm bringing the dog, it's on me to ask if I can. And to the accept gracefully if the answer is no and make alternative arrangements. Isn't that basic good manners?

They will probably love the free range budgie. I would.

NAD

But they are on their way back from somewhere. What are they supposed to do? Send the dog home by courier?

It really isn't that big a deal. Tell your husband you don't want the dog.

Then message BiL (or SiL) and tell them you hope the dog isn't coming, but if it is, it has to stay in the back yard the whole time and sleep in their car.

If they're the type to take a dog on holiday they won't accept that and will just go straight home.

Please do try not to lump us all together. I am a “dog person” through and through. I love and adore them, beyond all reason. I still wouldn’t expect to take them to someone else’s house without explicitly asking first, nor do I allow them to jump up at people, misbehave in public, or do anything else anti social. Not all dog people are the same.

There are many dog owners who seem to think their dog is the same as a child, and that everyone will automatically expect the dog to come along to everything.

I don't understand it. A dog is a dog. I don't take my cats everywhere I go, but some dog owners afford their dog some kind of elevated status over other pets.

It's my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. My husband's brother.

Or my [brother&sister] in-law.

It's a punctuation error, sorry.