To have had enough of ‘days out’

[ginageegee]

I’m sick of them already. I try to research and plan stuff that’s out of our usual area/routine. It’s a battle to convince older dc to come as they are now a teen and just want to be on their screens or out with friends (fine, I often allow this but would sometimes like them to spend time as a family too).

I get up, stress about the arrangements, battle to get everyone out the house to whatever enriching activity I’ve tried to plan and I’d say it’s probably for about a 50% success rate. Sometimes it’ll be good and other times my youngest will misbehave, my eldest will sulk and I come home resentful for the money I’ve spent and time I’ve wasted when everyone probably would have been happier going to the park. I want to give my kids nice opportunities and memories but fuck me I’m losing the will.

I give you permission to not do them then. Have chill out days instead. So much cheaper!

What's the age difference of your children, incidentally?

There is a large gap and it does make it harder. One is 5, the other about to turn 14. I try to think of things that would suit both like museums, national trusts etc. Doesn’t usually work. My eldest is allowed to opt out but then I feel guilty for not seeing enough of him. I guess I just want to give them nice experiences but actually don’t really enjoy the execution of it.

Leave the older one behind. He's at an age where he wants to pull away from being with you all the time, and that's normal.

Have you tried trampoline parks? Or things like go ape that can entertain both ages of kids. I’d do less days out but high quality ones

Can you sometimes do some separate days with each?

Don't stop entirely, just dial it down a bit. A cafe and the local library/park/beach/museum is all you need. Give the 14yo the option to stay home.

There’s really nothing wrong with letting a 14-year-old do his own thing and chill at home now and again. He’s a teenager. He doesn’t need to spend every day with you like your 5-year-old does. It’s fine for him to opt out; no guilt necessary.

If it helps: my sister and I have the same age gap and trust me, when I was five she was very happy indeed to opt out and probably considered it quite a treat!

Laser tag is a bit on the pricey side for what it is and how long you actually get but it works well for a big age gap, especially if you go somewhere where you join a random group as they'll usually team up together rather than against each other (although not always and they'll still have fun!)
Mini golf is another one that works for mixed ages and there's lots of different ones to do so not as repetitive!
You need to carve out some 1-2-1 for the 14 year old maybe after 5 has gone to bed, or after school generally for a snack in a cafe if 5 can do a club or something? Doesn't have to be all the time but teens bond and blab their life over food/drinks at that age it seems. Plus then he's getting some of the day out fund in the most cost effective use!

The park it is then !! Maybe an odd outing to the cinema ( so you can sit and relax) a lunch in a cafe here and there.. library with the little one..

Can do things separately that they enjoy? But I agree with the others, 14 and he's starting to find hanging out with the family boring compared to his friends and games. It's quite a big age gap to try and find something they both like to do together. Any friends with similar age children you can get together with, perhaps a day at the beach, picnic or something?

I wouldn't try too hard though, esp if you're starting to resent it. Summer holidays isn't always about doing this and that, sometimes it's just letting it flow.

Teenagers don't want to go on family days out. Read the psychology behind why teens disengage with parents for awhile when they build their own independence and forge their own way and figure out who they are. It's called individuation. No teen wants to do anything remotely similar to a 5 year old and youl never meet the same wants for those ages. It's not an individual thing to you. If it's a teen boy, the best way to speak is drive somewhere regularly together, the lack of face to face contact helps them open up. Do something age appropriate they are into one to one, or accept maybe it's just one to one with dad just now. My son does golf with his dad. I take him to his hobby and we drive for up to five hours together and he opens up.

Something all my teens and adult kids have liked it the game outsmarted and imposter with lots of snack and little ones in bed.

No 14 year old wants to hang out with a 5 year old in the holidays. Give yourself permission to let him spread his wings and give him space to grow. He will then CHOOSE to hang out with you. If not, offer him a fancy milkshake and some 1 on 1 time. That's a big gap and you'll not please any of you. Honestly, him pulling away is totally normal, expected and ok.

Do you have any alternative childcare so they can each have a day or two fully tailored to what they like rather than everything being a compromise?

Try to put it into perspective - how many memories do you hold from childhood? Snippets of the odd day?

You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself (and the kids).

Assuming your children go to school, they might be glad to just chill at home. They are out of the house enough during term time.

When they start climbing the walls, take them out. If they don't, save your money and will!

I agree with your post, but incidentally a climbing wall is a good idea for both ages.

Children not only survived but thrived without days out in days of yore.

Good family times are much cheaper at home.
Bake with your children. Rope them into helping around the house and garden. Do movie nights, etc.

Maybe you are trying to do too many. Cutting it back to two or three over the whole holiday might mean they look forward to them and appreciate the novelty of them more.

We gowoth quality not quantity

Enforced events make no one happy

I’d take a break now and wait until one of them asks to be taken somewhere. Then decide whether the chosen activity is suitable for both or better just to take one.

I remember being that age and no longer enjoying days out like that. It's not unusual for teenagers to prefer the company of their peers. The point of going on days out if you ask me is because it can be harder work keeping younger kids happy at home so I agree with PP to just take the younger one.

We very rarely do days out as its to expensive we tend to do half day local things like go to the park and take a picnic, go swimming, library, any events in the area. Even going to a carboot sale the kids love it as they can get some new toys and books. We also spend a lot of time at home baking, watching films, playing in the garden doing arts and crafts

As a child, it’s great to do things with your siblings when it works. The happiest days of my life were days out and holidays with my two boys growing up, but there was two years between them, so easy. I would imagine it’s nigh on impossible to please a five and fourteen year old together.
A fourteen year old wouldn’t want to go the park with his mum.
Let him do his own thing.

I never went on days out with my family at 14. I spent it with friends. Don’t force it. You’ll push them away.

If it’s starting off you with stressing then no one’s going to have a great day. Just let the kids get bored, then offer cheap, easier options to fill some time. I’d let the teenager have some space, maybe an activity without the younger one.

I have 4 children aged 9-15 and feel your pain! I think mostly I’ve been leaving the older 2 to do their own thing and not forcing them to come. It’s nice in a way, as can then do things the younger two will enjoy more and I don’t have a sulking teenager. We try to always eat together as a family and I catch up with the teens throughout the day and when the youngest is in bed. We’re also going away for a week so figured lots of family time together then. Can you just leave the teen behind but also put the younger child in camp so you can have days with the teen? Shopping/sports/older film at cinema.