To have had enough of ‘days out’

[ginageegee]

I’m sick of them already. I try to research and plan stuff that’s out of our usual area/routine. It’s a battle to convince older dc to come as they are now a teen and just want to be on their screens or out with friends (fine, I often allow this but would sometimes like them to spend time as a family too).

I get up, stress about the arrangements, battle to get everyone out the house to whatever enriching activity I’ve tried to plan and I’d say it’s probably for about a 50% success rate. Sometimes it’ll be good and other times my youngest will misbehave, my eldest will sulk and I come home resentful for the money I’ve spent and time I’ve wasted when everyone probably would have been happier going to the park. I want to give my kids nice opportunities and memories but fuck me I’m losing the will.

Take them both to the park. Give the five year old an ice cream and the fourteen year old a can of cider. Age appropriate park experiences.

Alternatively, don't worry about filling their days for them, just let them join in with you from time to time.

The issue is the massive age gap. It’s almost impossible to plan days out that suit both ages

They have wildly different needs in terms of everything.

If you’re close to London try things like 120 Fenchurch Street for views and a cool
bar (obvs soft drinks but nice for the 14 year old), museums that are free, Borough market mooching (again nice for the 14 year old) etc

so why are you doing these days ou?

Is it because your peers do them
is it because you think you should do them
is it because you think they will be fun
is it because they are advertised to you

When I was a child we entertained ourselves in school holidays. My parents took us away for two weeks to the seaside, but the rest of the time we played in the garden or out in the street with friends. My dad worked full time and my mum part time. Neither of them felt any need to organise any trips or days out or activities for us.

@ginageegee Get someone to look after your younger one then take the teen out somewhere with a couple of mates. That's what I do.

The issue is the age gap. There is very little that they will both enjoy, maybe swimming?

You need to not try and do things together but think of it as separate activities.

The advantage of the age gap is that the little one will be asleep by 7 so you can have the whole evening with the teenager.

Leave the little one asleep with the dad, and go to the cinema, out for dinner, a walk to the pub to have a coke etc.

Daytime small children activities.
Evening teenager activities

Its time to swap from doing days out TO them, to doing stuff together that's lead by them.
Make suggestions as a family as to what you could do, and go with their ideas, or only those of yours that result in high enthusiasm. Follow their interests.
For the day itself remember the stress points and mitigate. How hot it is, how busy it will be, whether you can eat and drink when needed, journey length, how long you'll spend there can all make or break the experience. Sounds obvious, but as they grow up the usual pacifying tactics that can bring them back when something isn't great logistically don't work any more, so you have to plan harder to avoid the triggers.

Go low key

Do things like a play in the park (frisbee, football) followed by pizza that you bring or a visit to a coffee shop.

Drive to the coast and get fish and chips, if you they want to hangout, great. Keep stuff in the boot of your car for this.

Find local small zoos or animal conservation places so it’s just a little afternoon out rather than a whole big day trip. Tell your 14 yr old that you’re going to see the snakes/ birds of prey/one thing only but obviously you’ll just check it out while you’re there. Groupon often have deals for these lesser known places.

find some outdoor cinema that both might enjoy.

ask your 14 year old for a few suggestions. Maybe he would like to do a climbing wall, high ropes or just get a burger or bubble tea (combine it with a stroll somewhere nice)

I agree with @ILiveInSalemsLot and I remember moving from Big Days Out to much smaller stuff.

Sounds like an excellent day out 😁

Thanks all, excellent suggestions here. Unfortunately we have no family support so I rarely get the option to spend a day with each. I’m either at work or with my youngest. When she was younger and still in nursery I used to try to book a day off so eldest and I could do something just us two but no nursery now so no longer have that option.

I will dial it back. We have a holiday to look forward to and there will no doubt be the odd, impromptu outing but I’m not stressing myself out anymore trying to plan and force things.

Spending time alone with the youngest is easy, just leave teen at home. And then you put youngest in holiday club for a day to spend day with oldest, and of course if you aren’t a single parent you go out in the evening with oldest, obviously not an option if a single parent but holiday clubs take ad hoc days so youngest can go there.

Agree, unless there are additional needs 14 is old enough to leave at home. Don't make yourself miserable trying to please them both at the same time.

Leave 14 year old at home whilst you take youngest to farm park or something. Absolutely no need to drag the 14 year old along.

And can either of them spend time with their father

This is what I was going to say, I imagine it’s hard finding days out they both want to do at those ages, but it would be nice to do things with the eldest as well as the youngest. I have 2 teenagers and I will often do separate days out still as sometimes they like different things

I think at 14 national trust places and museums are going to be really boring. Take your younger one if eldest doesn’t want to go and plan a movie and pizza night or something with eldest

I worked at a riding school from being twelve and that was the ONLY place I wanted to be! I even gave up a chance to go on holiday to Pompeii (which now I would KILL to do!) because we had a horse show coming up and I stayed behind when my parents took my brother (stayed with friends).

You can't force memories. The expensive trips that you try to make wonderful will be forgotten in favour of the time someone fell in the river. Does your eldest have a hobby that he could do summer school or clubs for? Some of my happiest memories were made in summers at the riding school.

Still regret not going to Italy though.

I have similar ages and a similar problem(15 and 7). My 'banker' activity is going to the cinema. My oldest still enjoys things like the new minions etc
They also still enjoy the routine of picking a drink and popcorn/ sweets.
Mine will also go to zoos/natural history type places as they share that interest with youngest.
They refuses to go to most other things inc trampoline parks etc
Another success is paying my oldest to babysit in the holidays while i go to the shops/ a run. He is v keen to earn money and only gets it on the basis there are no screens and they have to play/read with younger one. I get home and find them genuinely enjoying playing lego/outside/games/reading together. Sadly, this rarely happens otherwise.

They have different dads - hence the big age gap! But both dads are involved and pull their weight it’s just they both work more hours than I do so I inevitably end up with the lions share of the childcare.

At 14 mine were doing there own things with friends. When 5 didn't do any organised things. Mainly going to different parks with picnics, feeding ducks, walks in the woods. Playing at home and in the garden.
I want to give my kids nice opportunities and memories
I live near Thorpe Park, legoland and Chessington. They never went as I couldn't afford to. You don't have to to spend loads of money for nice memories. Mine remember climbing trees and building dens.

You don't need a nursery.

I do a child swap with a friend. I have their child for a play date for the day so they can take their eldest out, then they have mine for a day.

I have twins so this means I can take the other twin out for 1 to 1 time.

If the DC are young then you cant leave them while you go out but teens of 15 upwards should be fine for a few hours on their own and don't need a sitter. Why are you trying to force them?

Once I turned 16 and was working I was no longer interested in "family life" and spending time with my parents and sibling. There was a huge cultural and social gap which increased as I got older. I was into antiques, stately homes, museums and art galleries. My parents would not have been seen dead in paces like that. I never went on holiday with my parents after age 16.