What is fair-savings for uni?

[Purpleturtle45]

I have 3 kids ages 9, 12 and 14 and since they were born we have been putting money aside for potential university costs. We are in Scotland so no fees (at the moment) but if they move out the money would help with living costs etc. I would also expect them to get a part time job for their spending money. They may or may not go to university, that will be their choice.

It's still a while off but my husband got round to talking about it today and we disagree on how the money should be split. In my mind the money is for education and whichever children go to university it will help pay for that. He thinks the money should be split 3 ways from the start and they can choose to spend it on what they like (within reason).

I see both sides but effectively wouldn't want any of them going to uni to have less money for starting out after that as their portion had been spent on uni. Not sure what's right. Now I have typed it out I maybe think I am wrong 🤣

There won't be loads saved (by Mumsnet standards anyway) maybe about 10k-15k each and obviously we know that won't be enough to cover expenses and we will need to use wages too and perhaps a student loan.

YABU-it should be split 3 ways whether they go to uni or not.

YANBU-it should be used to cover the university costs of whoever goes to uni

Sorry if I have misunderstood you, but think it’s hugely unreasonable to not help a DC financially just because they don’t want to go to university. If they leave school and go straight to an apprenticeship or something they’ll still need help when starting out; instead of living costs the money could be put towards a house deposit for example? Or are you planning separate savings for that?

Definitely equal amounts. What if one goes to uni and the others straight to work? They may be in a need of a car.

Thanks for the opinions. I do see your points. To me the money is more of an education fund for whoever needs it. I don't want it to be a choice for them, like you can have the money for a car or go to uni etc!

Parents have a moral obligation to support their children through Uni. The state expects parental support, and reduces loans accordingly. This support should be given in addition to, not instead of, any large gifts of money that patents might wish to give. You should help out with Uni for any child who goes and also, if you wish to give them a lump sum, that should be an equal amount each, regardless of Uni attendence. Supporting your child at Uni and gifting them a lump sum are two different things and should be considered separately.

What if none of them go to university ?

I agree with dontmalbecomne. I’m not entirely sure how the parental contribution system works in Scotland but in England it’s an expected maintenance top up.

my daughter did a non standard, non student financed course (drama school) with a type of scholarship so we paid her fee top ups plus a reasonable amount nt to live on.

our son did a degree with student financed course so we topped up his maintenance.

if one of them had not gone to uni then they would not have got that money.

saving for uni is to help your cash flow. It’s separate from any lump sums you might choose to give.

You can save it as an education fund, but you have to give them all the same amount when they leave school. It can't be a reward for going on to higher education. The ones who don't go to university will have living expenses too.

Yes but presumably they will then be earning and not need to be supported.

I can see your 'education fund' point OP, but it's only fair to split it 3 ways. I gave some money to one of my 'kids' when they got married - I have told the others that they have the same coming, whether they get married or not. Their choice when to have it and how to use it. My main wish is for total fairness for all of them.

I guess we would cross that bridge when we come to it and see what we think is the best use of the money at the time.

I don't think supporting them in their higher education should be seen as a reward personally.

I think you really should share the money equally. Young people have struggled starting out whether they go to university or not.
I have a friend in similar circumstances but older. She helped one with university, one became an apprentice plumber (a different type of education) and one wasn't academic in any way. One got help with university living costs, one got help in buying his first van to start a plumbing business, the other had a deposit on on a flat paid for them. As she said she's help launch all three in ways which fitted their different abilities and needs.
I really think that is the best way forward. I am university educated myself but can't see why any going to university should have more help launching themselves into adulthood than the others. It's tough out there, they will all need your help, but maybe in different ways.

I would help any child with a modest contribution to initial move out costs. They would not get extra. There is no need to make things even. We provide generously to support education and skipping that should not be rewarded with a lump sum of money.

Given that going to university is no longer the ticket to success it used to be, I really wouldn't ring fence the money just for that. It needs to be an investment in the future, absolutely. But it could be seed money to start a business, or a house deposit, both of which are hugely valuable to them for setting them up for adult life.

Split it three ways, help each kid use it in their own best interests, whatever that may be.

I think both points of view are valid. If the money is there to support your DC in whatever they choose to do then it should be split three ways. If it's more a budget for YOU as parents with what you know is likely to be an expensive time (especially if you have two DC at university at the same time) then it's completely reasonable to spend it on whatever your household expenses are at that time, which will include supporting uni age DC. But in that case you shouldn't frame it as being the DC's money - it's yours.

I don't think either of you are wrong - it's two different ways of looking at it.

Maybe a compromise? Split the savings in half and do both?

An interesting split in opinions so far.

Absolutely has to be split three ways.

You can say it's to help develop career, education etc.

So could be for living costs at uni. Or if they want to do an apprenticeship but live at home, then pay for a car to get to work.

Or if they want to do graphic design it pays for an expensive computer etc.

Or if they have to move to another are for work or do an unpaid internship then it covers living costs for six months.

So they don't get it to fritter away but it helps them move into a career.

And keep track of what ever you spend on each of them, and them at some point if any left, it goes towards a flat deposit

The alternative , if the savings are not for the children but are your savings, is that you use these savings to fund the parental contribution requirements. ( can't remember if Scotland is the same but in England student loan is means tested on parental income and parents are expected/required to top up to the tune of a few thousand each year). In which case the savings are not for the children but are a consequence of you having to contribute for your income. If you were on a lower income they would geta higher loan

Then anything over and above the minimum parental contribution is split three ways

There is an amount per year that you have to give them, as their loan will be reduced by that amount and the government expects you to make up the difference. I think for the children going to uni, that should be the priority.

Anything above that should be split equally. For children not going to uni, there are other ways you will help that is equivalent - free rent and food, for those initial few years while they are getting started in life, for example.

I don't think you need to decide at this stage. Wait and see how it all pans out and then decide how best to use money to support each (or not). I also would not mention it to the kids as you don't want one thinking they'll just use it to buy a car or something and get out of education or training as soon as they can.

Yes, I view the money as ours to help with additional expense of potentially having to support a child who is living away from home. But obviously my husband doesn't. I wouldn't be upset with either decision, I can see the merits in both. I went to uni and didn't get support from my parents, other than living at home for home of my degree. When I left home for my final year I paid my rent with my student loan. I worked all the way through uni. I never had help buying my first home either but I don't feel resentful of that, I like the fact I did it all myself and have been independent from a young age.

I think it would help if you are both clear about whether this is the children's money.

Or money for you to pay expenses, which just happen to relate to the children being at university.

Yeah, we aren't deciding anything just now. Nobody might go to uni, although I know my eldest will. I'm not bothered if they do or don't as long as they have a good work ethic and are working towards some sort of career.

We’ve been saving for our 2. Hoping they both go to uni. And also in Scotland.

They will get an equal amount no matter what. Even if they chose a different path.

I’d say it’s to help them with whatever decision they make on what to do after school.

So if it’s uni, then it helps with living expenses.
If they go to uni but live at home, then maybe it’s for after uni.
If they get an apprenticeship maybe it goes towards a car to get them there.
Personally I wouldn’t give it to them to fund a gap year. But I’d keep it for when they got back.

Basically I’d say “each of you have £X. We’re not giving it to you to spend however you want. But it is to help with whatever education or employment thing you do next, so that the financial aspect doesn’t need to factor in to your decisions so much.”