What is fair-savings for uni?

[Purpleturtle45]

I have 3 kids ages 9, 12 and 14 and since they were born we have been putting money aside for potential university costs. We are in Scotland so no fees (at the moment) but if they move out the money would help with living costs etc. I would also expect them to get a part time job for their spending money. They may or may not go to university, that will be their choice.

It's still a while off but my husband got round to talking about it today and we disagree on how the money should be split. In my mind the money is for education and whichever children go to university it will help pay for that. He thinks the money should be split 3 ways from the start and they can choose to spend it on what they like (within reason).

I see both sides but effectively wouldn't want any of them going to uni to have less money for starting out after that as their portion had been spent on uni. Not sure what's right. Now I have typed it out I maybe think I am wrong 🤣

There won't be loads saved (by Mumsnet standards anyway) maybe about 10k-15k each and obviously we know that won't be enough to cover expenses and we will need to use wages too and perhaps a student loan.

YABU-it should be split 3 ways whether they go to uni or not.

YANBU-it should be used to cover the university costs of whoever goes to uni

This. It sounds like you are saving with the idea it is for you and your husband to use to support children through uni.

Your husband's interpretation of this savings pot is that it's for the children.

Personally I think uni is overrated. You have no idea whether your children will want to go, and what if your children do an apprenticeship instead but want to be independent and move out. Your argument would be they are earning, but they wouldn't be earning enough to live on.

I think you need to be very clear who this money is for, as I think you are saving it for your own benefit.

You "know your eldest will" - we've always felt the same about my very bright and academic 15 year old, however things seem to be changing very quickly with regards to going to uni being the standard, and lots of graduates finding it impossible to find work. We're now encouraging my daughter to explore all options and not just assume she will go to uni. I'd keep options open and see how next few years pan out.

You want to make sure you'll have means to support their education. That's a valid goal.

Dividing in exact thirds isn't necessarily fair even if all children use it for the same purpose. The rent availability/increase means the money wouldn't cover the same a few years later.
It's ok to use the money as a parental fund to support the cause, not as children's money to use as they like.

Absolutely this. I used to work in secondary school. By the time a lot of students got to year 12/13 many had become disillusioned with education and wanted gap years and paid employment, not more years stuck in the system as they saw it.
The ones that tended to stick with uni plans were those wanting to go into nursing and midwifery (I taught a subject that was mostly girls). Though even that now I believe has better apprenticeship options.

Equal money to all, but for education or training. A trainee plumber has costs too, not just university students.
I wouldn't hand over money for travel though. If they don't need support through education or training, keep it for a deposit for them.

Those of you saying split three ways regardless be aware things might change. One of my children changed their minds and went to university aged 21. You are not automatically classed as independent until age 25 so for many in this situation you would then be expected to contribute to living expenses regardless of what they’ve had in the past.
(mine did end up being classed as independent by just one month due to having lived away from home) but the assessment wasn’t verified until almost the end of their first term)

Unless they need to move away from home for the apprentiship the costs would be minimal & easily payable from their income (my firm recruits and trains apprentice plumbers)

I think this is what it boils down to.

Is this money that you and your DH have saved to help you both put potentially 3 children through uni without having to go without yourselves?

Or is this money that you have saved for your DC?

If you’re looking at 10 or 15k each you could think of it as a few years of support for each of them towards rent in a house share. That would help DC regardless of whether they go to uni or want to move away from home for an apprenticeship or internship etc.

My parents always helped whichever of us needed it at the time. If one needed help they wouldn’t then feel they had to give the same to other dc who didn’t need it. There have been times uni, redundancy, moving back home after relationship breakdown, illness when help has been needed. Sometimes help was practical and sometimes financial. We didn’t compare or keep a spreadsheet we felt we were treated equally based on individual circumstances and supported to have opportunities.

I do the same with my dc. They don’t live identikit lives and sometimes help is free rent and food while living at home and sometimes it’s topping up uni costs where rent can vary hugely from place to place.

As it’s a modest amount I would keep it as parent money available as and when.

Yabu but so is he.

Ultimately ypu both want to provide something for your kids. You need to figure out what that is.

I want to provide a roof over my child's head so uni or not, that's what I've earmarked the money for. When they eventually go househunting, I'll give it to them.

So is it education you want to provide or is it a means to learning how to support themselves?

Save say 15k in each kids account - for uni living costs 5k a year.
on top money for weddings etc.
i wouldnt release the 15k until a non uni going kid was about 25 in case they change their mind and spend it then think you will fund their living costs on top.
however money in their own accounts may mean no uc if they cant find a job..

i think its tricky with 1+ kids as you can know who will go and not spending the money on uni could make a huge difference 15k could be most of a house deposit!
or could be wasted on a wedding.

uni and living costs are just so high the difference between money spent on siblings where 1 is clever enough to go and one isnt could be huge

But perhaps OP Can not afford uni and lump sums...for 3 kids this is a lot!

My kids have a pot each. It can go towards uni or a house deposit. Their choice.

Maybe they don't. But they have a moral obligation to support their children through Uni. Whatever they have left after that should be split equally between all the children, be that £50 or £50k.

It's not fair to reward children for not going to Uni with a lump sum.