AIBU to feel fed up with my partner moaning on days out?

[CountryGal21]

AIBU to be really annoyed about my partner’s behaviour on days out?

Just recently no matter where we go or what we do, my partner has something to moan about and it’s starting to ruin days out.

We have recently had days out at the zoo and at a dog festival (we took our dog also). Both days, she expressed excitement about going out, but then spent all day huffing, puffing, making faces and complaining about the heat. We also had a day out at a food festival, and again she spent the whole time huffing, puffing, making faces but complaining about her legs hurting. It is always something, and we always have to rush around and get back home because of how is she acting about this ailment and that ailment, etc.

I am starting to think that going out on my own or just with my daughter would be so much better and easier.

AIBU for feeling this way and should I call her out on it?

My ex was like this.

Also at any minute his mood could flip and he’d be furious, give everyone the silent treatment and drive erratically to frighten me.

Leave. It’s not worth it.

Call her out on it, of course. Why haven’t you said anything yet?

I had a partner like this, all days out spoiled by moaning and wanting to cut them short. Now they are an ex and I enjoy days out again

With the driving, I have noticed that she has an attitude with pretty much every driver on the road and gets very angry if they don’t drive how she wants them too. It’s quite annoying being in a car with her at the moment!

Honestly, because I can’t really be bothered with the inevitable sulking that will come after it!

Is she fit and healthy or are the ailments serious? Is she generally avoidant?

Yeah, I like going out to festivals for example and having a good look around the stalls and I barely got a look in last time because I was trying to rush to stop her from behaving that way and having to put up with it!

No, health wise she is absolutely fine and has quite a physically demanding job - I bet she doesn’t huff, puff and make faces all day there!

Sounds like they may be depressed, or similar.

My wife would have made similar complaints about me in the past, with validity, but when I had irritability and even anger spilling out onto the family during days out it was really an overflow from some combination of stress or depression that I was trying hard to hide.

i Know you want to avoid sulking, but you should give them the opportunity to change, or at least fair warning they are getting into “being dumped” territory. Say you have noticed they always complain and want days out cut short. Mention both the zoo and the festival. Is she aware she does this and ruins every day out? It’s always something different but it’s always something that means you have to cut short days out because she’s not happy about something. Would she prefer to not go anymore on days out? If she’s coming with you, can she avoid ruining for you and your dd ?

If she sulks, she sulks. She’ll either reflect and make an effort to be better, or you’ll have your answer she’s not someone you can live with long term.

If they are a fairly recent partner I’d just end it and have a nicer life. You aren’t compatible.
If they are a long term partner then you’ll need to speak to them and say how it’s affecting your dd. Maybe come up with a plan like some days you do without them. But ultimately if it’s not working then the relationship is over. It’s affecting your daughter it’s a terrible atmosphere for her and spoiling her days out.

In fairness, it is hot and if she's not in the peak of fitness and doesn't do well in the heat I can see why her enthusiasm may not have survived the reality. A lot depends on what she's like the rest of the time and on days out when the temperature isn't uncomfortable. If she usually fine, plan things where she'll not get too hot or leave her at home.

Is she over weight? I say that as someone who has been big in life and summer is hard when your carrying excess weight, you swell up, cankles, sweating etc. its really uncomfortable

How old are you both? How old is your daughter? Is she your daughter’s parent?

We are both in 30’s, daughter is 10, partner is slightly overweight (for pp who asked).

I brought it up with partner tonight and said that every family day out is overshadowed by her theatrics. That she can’t help if she is feeling hot or her legs hurt etc, but as an adult, we don’t have to be making noises and pulling faces every 2 minutes because of it so that the focus and attention is constantly on you.

She said nothing and went to bed so 🤷‍♀️ I can now hear her crying in bed but I definitely won’t be going in to offer comfort.

Given she’s a complainer, a sulker and also now giving the silent treatment, she sounds like far more hard work than she’s worth.

Id arrange days out without her, it’s draining.

we were at a commonwealth games event today and there was a family beside us, the man complained it was too sunny, too windy, too cloudy, he didn’t like the events, why could they not have gone on a more exciting day, why are they doing medal events for yesterdays events , he was hungry, the food is too expensive, the trains will be busy going home etc etc. I found it draining never mind his family listening to him complain constantly.

If she is actually ill, help her to get help (is possible for a young person to have one health issue after the other). But she should be willing to work on getting help.

Yeah, it definitely does feel like that at times!

Gosh, that sounds draining just reading it, let alone listening to it all day!

No she’s not actually ill, I have multiple health conditions so I know the feeling, she just has a tendency for every little thing to have to be big and dramatic (I have lots of other examples that back this up) and now it’s affecting days out too. For example, I have a little 9kg dog and if he jumps up at her, she will act like a 90kg dog has just done it the way she runs around shouting “ow”…

How long are you with her?

Drive next time OP. I love my dh with all I have, he is a wonderful man..

Until he gets behind the wheel of a car. Can't STAND the way he drives or behaves. I won't let him drive me or DS anywhere. If we go any where together, I drive.
Me though I do not have the paitence nor temperament for people like your DP. My step dad was like it and I loathed him. I used to say "there is an option to stay home ya know?" He hated me for it but my mum was a "leave it" woman and I was "deal with it" woman.

Around 3 years. Had the silent treatment again this morning so told her to go out for the day so she doesn’t ruin another day for us because of her behaviour

I admire the fact you’ve told her you aren’t putting up with her silent treatment and that you’ve told her she’s spoiling days out, but long term, if you want to continue the relationship, I think you need a sit down conversation where you ask her what the problem is.

Is she one of life’s complainers? Because if so, this might just be her way of communicating and she needs to understand that it puts a massive damper on days out. Is she doing stream of consciousness, so every thought just pops out?

I can’t imagine someone moaning the whole time and cutting short days out. It isn’t fair to curtail lovely days out just because she wants to be home. Leave her there!