I know I’m stupid so why am I hurting so much and just need to say no and end the cycle

[TheOpalFox]

My partner keeps finishing with me then pulling me back in

Why can’t I just have the strength to say enough is enough??

Killing me so much 😞

Because he can!!

Because you let him!

i don’t know why you keep going back. Low self esteem, desperation, we can’t guess, but only you can stop it.

Because I love him so much but equally I’m being stupid .(

Match his treatment of you to give you the strength to end this.

I don’t understand why people do this (I mean your partner rather than you going back). My DD had a boyfriend like this and it took until the 4th time around before she wouldn’t take him back. He took ages to get over her as far as she heard and then he was the same with his next girlfriend. It’s strange behaviour but just walk away from the drama. You will never feel confident that he isn’t going to pull the rug again.

But this isn’t love sweetheart, you know it’s not.

love doesn’t hurt.

what is the current status? On or off?

if off, block him on everything now, change your number/email if necessary but get him OUT of your life.

start the detox from this poison.

it will never, ever, ever get any better and you do - in your heart of hearts- know this.

choose you, choose hope and happiness. He’s not a part of your future.

be strong.

Stop and try to apply logic. He is treating you like you are worthless, why do you love a man like that? I suspect you love the idea of him and the relationship you want rather than the one you have.

He doesn't seem to love you, he's just keeping you on a string until something better comes along. He's being cruel keeping blowing hot and cold, it won't get better now he knows he can get away with it.

Maybe you enjoy being a doormat and have no self respect, naybe someone saying this may make you think

That’s not answering her question.

@TheOpalFox there are many reasons why this happens. It’s likely that there’s a pattern in his treatment of you, or a way of being in a relationship, that you’ve absorbed growing up. You want intimacy and for some reason you can’t believe that you can be happy away from him. You will benefit if you can look at this with a therapist to help you understand and change.

You will never be happy with this man but you can be happy and well in the future and once you decide to end this, you will feel such relief and as though a weight has been lifted from you. Please do try to find someone who is trained to help you

You keep going back because you like being treated badly.

I hate being treated badly? It hurts so much?

No disrespect but how old are you?

So when will realise he won't change and you need to brak the cycle and stop?

Why do you love him?

Believe me I've been there! Eventually you get fed up with being treated like shit and the love dies, then you wonder how you ever put up with them in the first place.

You'll get there.

I really hope
so
I can’t deal with this pain and hurt :(

When you were a child and you put your hand too close to the fire and got burnt, you didn’t do it again. That’s how we learn what happened to you at that stage.?

What do you love about him? What do you actually like? Do you think he likes you when he treats you so badly? This relationship is never going to make you happy and the longer it goes on the more it will drag you down. End it today, and even if you feel bad at first you will have started the healing process.

Why are you letting him?

I have been here and the only way is to block them on everything. You have to do it or this will be your life for the foreseeable future. Be kind to yourself and do it today.

Did it hurt you to do it?

Something in your life has to replace the amount of space you give to thinking about all of this: him, the relationship, the drama, the pain and the ongoing cycle.

Before you were with him, what were you interested in? Do you need to centre yourself around someone else to avoid dealing with some personal trauma or grief (this isn’t your fault btw, it’s just a common pattern)?

Is the idea of him not being in your life the source of overwhelming sadness that you’re trying to prevent by going back to him? Think about how you can fill your life with other interests/people/self-care so it’s not centred on him. It’s okay to love him and mourn what might have been. You need to let yourself grieve, because the other side is a better place (and less painful) than the cycle you’re trapped in right now. If that doesn’t feel right, can you get angry about it? How dare he treat you like this? Can you channel that anger into exercise, something that is not connected to him and helps you feel connected to your body/emotions?

Something in your childhood taught you that it was okay to abandon yourself to feel loved. Definitely worth doing some work on that (crappy childhood fairy on YouTube is a good starting place or a good therapist).

I feel the pain in your post and I promise you that there are lots of us who’ve been through it and come out the other side. You will too.

I bet it didn't hurt nearly as much as him dumping you repeatedly hurts

Block him on absolutely everything. Maybe write yourself an affirmation to keep you focused on moving forward - "This isn't love, it's emotional abuse. He doesn't love me, he uses me. I am worth more than that."

You want to be wanted, so you let him do it.
He's not the right person to want or be wanted by.

It happens to people of any age.
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