I know I’m stupid so why am I hurting so much and just need to say no and end the cycle

[TheOpalFox]

My partner keeps finishing with me then pulling me back in

Why can’t I just have the strength to say enough is enough??

Killing me so much 😞

Because you keep letting him! This is not normal love and he’s treating you like shit and he will keep on doing so until you stop letting him!!

Help us understand what you love about him?
I love my DH because he treats me well, he looks after me, he makes me feel safe, he encourages me…….

You don't love him - he is not loveable. You are just lacking the courage to branch out on your own because you have been used to him being around.

You CAN do this! The only thing stopping this is you ...

It hurts either way, we as humans try to avoid having to feel things. But you are feeling it anyway by him being on/off with you. So at least this way you are in control of those feelings, and it will pass.

Don’t keep waiting for things to change or improve they won’t. And the longer you keep going back and forth, the harder it is to stop it completely.

Yes it will hurt , however it will hurt less than allowing him to treat you like dirt, over and over again. Can you imagine what this is doing to your self respect and esteem. Its death by a thousand cuts. If you were foolish enough to have a child with him, imagine their little face as he bails on them abd you. Even when "things are good" with him, you are walking on egg shells waiting on him to break up.

It will hurt for a time but the alternative is a lifetime of hurt. You are worth more, you dont realise it but you are. You will twist yourself in knots without ever getting it right. He is the problem not you.

But the rush when he takes you back feels really good, doesn't it?

Dump him, find a hobby that gives you an adrenaline buzz instead.

You are being emotional abused and manipulated. You are strong and deserve much more

Because you're not giving yourself time and space to heal. You need to be strong and take time to yourself, do things without him and fill the space with fun things and some self reflection which yes will be upsetting but better than this and in the end you'll be fine.

It’s not love, it’s an addiction. And usually the best way to deal with addictions is to go cold turkey. But before you do that, you need a good support structure - do you have friends or family who will keep you accountable and remind you why you’re not going back?

Honestly, every time you ignore him, it’ll get a little easier, the cravings will get a little less…until one day you suddenly realise it was the best thing you ever did!

Cut him off fgs.

OP you get what you settle for. No man is worth your tears because if he was, he’d not make you cry in the first place.

Love makes you feel great, like twice the person you were. An addiction or bad relationship is the opposite.

You have a choice.

Go with your head or heart. If you go with the former once you wean off him, you’ll one day look back and think WTF did I see in him. Sure as fate he’ll then likely realise what a mistake he’s made, that too is a red flag 🚩. Nothing is as ridiculous as the emotions of those we cease to love, but if it was going to work out it would the first time.

Don’t be pathetic or a door mat. The pain of that is excruciating. You (when you’re ready) make the decision to walk away. His behaviour shows you what he thinks of you. Fxxk him.

Everyone has a brain until they ‘fall in love’. He’s making a mug of you and you’re letting him. To be old and wise you first have to be young and daft, but if it was me I’d cut all contact, block him, do something kind for myself and when you’re ready, go on a few dates even just to take your mind off it.

This sucks. Your self esteem is so low, it’s very hard to break free but you will, you want to be free.
Start by doing things outside of the relationship for fun or a hobby, don’t let him put you off.
You are stuck in a rut, the more you raise your self esteem and social connections away from him you’ll get stronger.
If you weren’t feeling so helpless.