AIBU to ask my hairdresser not to face the mirror?

[Theresawaytobehonestandkind]

Please be honest, yet kind as I feel rather fragile and vulnerable with saying if you’d think i was crazy and seemed ridiculous…

There is a hairdresser who is really sought after who does amazing “old money” blondes and a beautiful salon, I haven’t had my hair dyed since before Covid so have really wanted it doing at this place. They stated four months ago they were almost booked up for the year, so I took the plunge to message to book. So I’m booked for next week.

However, the reason I haven’t had my hair dyed in five years is I can’t look at myself. For the past five years I’ve gone about daily life whacking makeup on without ever having looked at myself. I had a bad accident during lockdown and had a big surgery and I became really depressed and gained five stone. I couldn’t really see into the future at the time but once I got over being really depressed I have been left at 15 stones. I booked my hair thinking this would be me having to face myself, but I’m really panicking at having to look and just sit there feeling shit about myself.

In the past month I’ve finally got on mounjaro and lost a stone in three weeks…would the hairdresser think I was completely insane and loopy if I asked if I didn’t have to sit and look at myself, wear a face mask 🥴🥴 or just finally shook myself and confronted what I look like??

My weight has left my face unrecognisable to me. I used to have cheekbones and a neck!! When I needed surgery I just avoided myself but this continued and spiralled into today.

Please be kind if you respond.

You don’t need to look in the mirror the whole time, take a magazine or something. I think facing the other way would feel worse personally

My hairdresser would do this for sure (and anything else to make her clients feel comfortable - for example she adjusts the lighting as knows I get migraines).

please just ask her. But ahead of the appointment so you don’t feel put on the spot.

I totally understand. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the pampering, you totally deserve it.

I understand completely op. Not one person looks their best when theyre sat in that chair facing the mirror! Add that to what youve been through, I can imagine how awful you feel.

I would definitely ask. Ask before you go though, maybe give them a call tomorrow morning?

❤️

I agree and I think I just need telling. No one else knows I don’t look at myself. I probably have concealer smeared over my eyebrows and completely oblivious. It’s just when I say I literally haven’t looked…I haven’t at all. When I’ve caught a glimpse of myself at times I’ve wanted to curl up and cry

Where are you?
The amazing Mark Anderson in West London works like this. A few moments at the beginning and end but apart from that you’re comfortably and away from a mirror.
But also I’m sure your hairdresser would accommodate you.

"Can I face away from the mirror please? The reflected movement and lights triggers migraine"

I have a hairdresser who does mirror-free appointments for those who request them. She covers the mirror or turns the chair around.

you are not being unreasonable but having cut the family’s hair myself during covid, I realised the mirror is there so they can se the front of your head when they are standing behind you. So I think they might need you to sit in front for the mirror maybe

Facing the wrong way will draw attention to you.

Remember, no-one is looking at you- people are too consumed with their own stuff. Also, do you look at other women and think they look bad? I bet you don't. And it's the same for most of us.

Also also, to put another perspective on it, I am down to 15st 10lb after losing 5st on the jabs and I'm THRILLED. 15st is the next goal.

Also also also EVERYONE looks hideous in the hairdressers mirror. Even gorgeous people. It's a known fact.

You're doing fine girl. You're lovely as you are and you deserve an amazing hairdo 💜

Northern - he worked in London but has opened up his own salon in the north. Maybe once I’m say there, a Quick Look and head down in a book and magazine I’ll be restored into my previous self. Old me loved nothing better than sitting in that chair for five hours - literally was that long - noseying and chatting. I have missed it.

I do everything else self care so people probably can’t figure out why I’m walking round with waist length, needs a good chop, brown but 20% hair. I go for facials…never bloody look. It’s gotten a little silly now I’ve written it down.

If you bring something to prop up against the mirror and block it, or a scarf to drape over it, that will be less obvious as you’ll still be facing the usual way.

You are absolutely right, I will stick out more. The irony is I have no issue walking into any room as I don’t have to look at me. So I never kinda care what others are thinking, it’s what I think of myself when I do catch a glimpse and I beat myself up for looking so different.

That’s an amazing achievement! I really wish I’d been on the jabs earlier. Silly me was happy to put a load of rubbish in my body food wise, but shuddered at medication for weight loss.

For the last few years I've booked a mobile hairdresser through the Lucie app. In summer they cut and blow dry in the garden, in winter in my front room. At the end they ask me to check in a mirror if I'm happy, and I always have been.
Focus on how uplifted you'll feel afterwards OP, it's a great boost!

Absolutely well done on the weight loss.

If sitting at a mirror is the difference between going or not going then ring up in advance and let them know

But please try and look once it's done. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Lots of people have lots of quirks. I'm sure he'll have seen it all before and who gives a stuff what the other customer may think .

I haven’t been through anything like what you have op, but I also hate to sit staring at myself in a mirror for hours. I just tell the hairdresser that I don’t want to gawp at myself and can I turn around? I literally always do that. No one has ever questioned it or made me feel awkward, it’s always been fine.

I get it.

The 1 saving grace for me is I have to take my glasses off for a haircut so can see bugger all 🤣

But well done for pulling yourself out of a depressive state. That’s not easy. And for losing some weight.

Whether your ready to look in the mirror or not you should be proud of the person staring back at you

Or she can just tell them the truth without coming up with silly cringy stories.

I really sympathise, OP. I've developed a bit of an 'almost phobia' about fully looking at myself in the mirror, too, so you're not alone. I do look, but only at small bits at a time (when plucking hairs, mainly). I know it sounds crazy, but I avoid looking right in the mirror at the whole picture. Even after losing a fair bit of weight, I still feel odd about it. I think at this point it's just become a habit to avoid the mirror, so it's easier to continue than to confront the fear. Maybe I'm worried I won't recognise myself after several years or find I look worse than I remember. I've always looked better in my head than in reality. 😅

I think hairdressers will work with you, and I hope you (and I) can find a way past this. I think for me it's 'just' a matter of making myself do it until it becomes unremarkable again. Good luck!

My hair dresser does mirror free appointments and she has a curtain which covers them over. It’s probably more common than you think to ask for one. Just drop a message to the salon ahead of your appointment to see if they can accommodate

I 100% get this OP. I have a similar phobia of photos that even close friends simply don’t get.
I would definitely ring the salon in advance and explain- if they are even half decent I’m sure they’ll accommodate you.
💐

Sorry if this is an obvious suggestion, but can't you just sit down and close your eyes?

What a mean little response. I hope it made you feel good.

op, the response this poster disparaged was actually a good one. You don’t need to tell the truth to a stranger if you don’t wish, you can make up an excuse.

Don't lose weight too fast or the risk of sagging skin rockets. You're best giving it time to shrink. 1lb a week is the recommended amount I believe. A little more if very overweight.

Good work for taking steps in the right direction.