AIBU to ask my hairdresser not to face the mirror?

[Theresawaytobehonestandkind]

Please be honest, yet kind as I feel rather fragile and vulnerable with saying if you’d think i was crazy and seemed ridiculous…

There is a hairdresser who is really sought after who does amazing “old money” blondes and a beautiful salon, I haven’t had my hair dyed since before Covid so have really wanted it doing at this place. They stated four months ago they were almost booked up for the year, so I took the plunge to message to book. So I’m booked for next week.

However, the reason I haven’t had my hair dyed in five years is I can’t look at myself. For the past five years I’ve gone about daily life whacking makeup on without ever having looked at myself. I had a bad accident during lockdown and had a big surgery and I became really depressed and gained five stone. I couldn’t really see into the future at the time but once I got over being really depressed I have been left at 15 stones. I booked my hair thinking this would be me having to face myself, but I’m really panicking at having to look and just sit there feeling shit about myself.

In the past month I’ve finally got on mounjaro and lost a stone in three weeks…would the hairdresser think I was completely insane and loopy if I asked if I didn’t have to sit and look at myself, wear a face mask 🥴🥴 or just finally shook myself and confronted what I look like??

My weight has left my face unrecognisable to me. I used to have cheekbones and a neck!! When I needed surgery I just avoided myself but this continued and spiralled into today.

Please be kind if you respond.

Tbf, a lot of people are triggered with migraines by harsh/bright lighting, so whilst it may be a white lie, I can't really see it's 'silly or cringy'.

🙄

You don’t have to explain things you’re uncomfortable about. Why not say, “I really want to have a surprise and not see myself until it’s done.” Then sit slightly off (or bury your head in a magazine).

I agree it’s best not to lose so rapid, but there is lots of research to suggest when your body goes into ketosis and autophagy actually can prevent loose skin more than gradual loss. It’s all dependent upon genetics and age and general pot luck.

I lost 3 stone in 12 weeks way before Michael Moseley made it a thing and didn’t get loose skin. But this time I may due to being 15 years older

I think this is the best plan. I’m going to take yesteryear that’s been sitting on my bedside and try and look somewhat intelligent and above caring

I'm so sad you feel this way. Does the salon have an email address? You might find it easier to put it all in an email before your appointment xx

I feel your pain @Theresawaytobehonestandkind This thread puts me in mind of this meme... (Hopefully the pic doesn't take too long to show!)

I saw the title and thought you were a nut. Then read the post and got it. I am the most unreconstructed man you'll ever meet...so speak to the hairdresser they will understand.

And I am guessing if you once had cheekbones, you are much, much better looking than you think you are

A few salons around here offer no mirror appointments so the option to have one is definitely ‘a thing’ and I’m sure can be accommodated. Good luck!

They do, but from writing it down maybe I’ll just make it more of an ordeal than if I just go and sit there.

And it is very sad that I’m so unhappy with the way I look. I wish I was as kind to myself as I think about other women. I think I was kind before but the past five years has given me empathy x1000.
Also, it has also been liberating. I don’t stress over what I look like as I don’t see, so when friends are debating what to wear to an event or worrying they are getting older, I’m just in a blissful who gives a fuck bubble.

I have had some pretty shit comments though which made it obvious others had obviously watched in horror as I ballooned. A friend lectured me on its irresponsible given my age - now I’m over 30 that I should take my health seriously. I went for botox and the doctor said she could remove a cm of fat from my “ round” shaped face with Morpheus - completely unsolicited offering. I was there to freeze my forehead not reminded how fat my round face looks.

I'm sure a no mirror appointment can be accommodated, but I also think you should be kinder to yourself and maybe start practicing a bit of self love, finding a feature you like and being positive about yourself. You need to treat your body and face like you would a friend. You've been through a lot and you should be proud of that.

I would ask the hairdresser to do whatever makes you comfortable but….

maybe before you go, spend some time looking at yourself and saying nice things to yourself? If you were your friend, would you find yourself too ugly to look at? No? Then give yourself that same acceptance!

Would it help to reframe it, OP?

The mirror is just a tool for the hairdresser to use.

Once you're actually sat down and chatting you will use the mirror to look at the hairdresser, not yourself.

I can honestly say no person looks their best sat in front of a full length mirror with wet hair and a gown cutting off their body! 😅

I do sympathise. It's not a nice feeling when you don't recognise your own reflection.

I think you are thinking into this as lot, and the reality won't be anywhere near what your head is telling you in the build up.

You're getting your hair done by what sounds like a fabulous hairdresser in a lovely setting.

Try to enjoy the experience. You've got this! 💪🏻

I hate small talk so always start by apologising and saying I am hungover and sleepy and they always understand and don't do small talk. They usually say just close your eyes and relax.

I also find just telling them truth at the start helps. I hadn't had my hair coloured in a year once and once had to tell my hairdresser that I hadn't been because I had been to someone else because they were cheaper. If you tell them the truth, they will reassure you and do anything they can to make you comfortable. I sometimes rehearse what I'm going to say.

It did, thank you for your consideration!

Honesty is always the best policy, and it absolutely is cringe to come up with untruthful excuses, if you can just say you'd prefer to face away and not even give any excuse.

Please be kinder to yourself, OP! My heart aches for you. ❤️