Partners nights out

[Yourejusthappytobehere]

Not sure if I’m being the arse here or they are.

my partner works away 1 week a month. The last time they were away they had a night out with a former colleague, drinking until midnight. Fine, they often have nights out with friends or colleagues while away.

they’ve been messaging this former colleague a fair bit over the last 3 weeks.

this week they’re working away again. They were out drinking with this person last night until midnight, and again tonight for dinner. Just them.

i was unhappy when they told me this. They’ve been very quiet all week, and tonight not a single message saying what they were doing until they got back to the hotel around 11.30 and I asked who they’d been out with.
im being told im wrong to think its odd to go out for dinner and drinks 1:1 with someone 2 nights in a row.

am I being off or are they?

Is this colleague of the opposite sex to your partner per chance? I can't imagine you'd think anything of it if it wasn't.

Sorry yes. Opposite sex

Nope, not innocent at all.

As much as I’d love to say i was fine about it because I trust my husband, regular dinner and late night drinks would upset me. Tea and a couple of social pints early evening I could get over as who else would he eat his tea with, multiple nights out, no I couldn’t get on with that.

Edited to say I don’t know how I’ve unintentionally quoted you 😂

Why haven't you used gendered pronouns

Are you the hushand or wife? Gay/straight?

???

Genuine question but why would it make a difference? A relationship is a relationship?

Helps to understand what is even going on tbh

Id say it’s very obvious, regardless!

No i found it hard to skim read, with all of the theys and they'res

Nothing against the Rainbow, just like the ops to be clear

If its just the two of them away on business then i’d say perfectly normal. I always have dinner with colleagues when away together, though we don’t exchange messages etc, I think that’s what makes it different. He’s not hiding it though, which presumably he could do given you’d have no idea who he was having dinner with.

Fair enough. I don’t find it difficult but I understand what your saying about skim reading- I suppose everyone reads differently.

Your partner is working away but having dinner and drinks with a former colleague?
No, I wouldn’t be happy.
Late night drinking in a hotel with someone of the opposite sex, why are they there? If they’re a former colleague, is it a coincidence they happen to be in the same hotel?

It seems to be deliberately vague and makes me wonder if there is a massive drip feed coming.

Is there any legitimate reason for this former colleague to be staying in the same location as your partner?
What you describe sounds very much as though your partner and this former colleague are in a very close personal relationship

Is the colleague young and attractive, senior or junior? If it is just the two of them I could see they would eat together every night and have a drink if they want, staying out late if you are away working is a bit off though and maybe a bit suspicious unless they work late into the evening.

It is all rather vague though.

I’m embarrassed for you that you’ve asked if they are gay or straight. Why does it matter? 🫠

OP says it's a former colleague.

Person they meet up with lives in the city they are staying in, so they’re not away together

Yes former colleague who happens to live in this city where my partner now stays over one week a month

I’ve been neutral because I know this place does give different advice based on sex, but it’s not really relevant in my view

No drip feed. Unless a big reveal who is the man’s and who is the woman, or we’re both men or we’re both women is a drip feed. I suppose it would be if your views are dependent on that.

Well I guess it would make a difference if you’re in a same sex relationship, seeing as you said the person they are meeting are the opposite sex.

Good point. We’re not, just to be clear

So now it has all kicked off and I’m being told that men and women can be friends and I’m totally unreasonable not trusting my partner. How dare I accuse them of cheating (I didn’t) and I’m totally out of order for being unhappy at them having a drink with a mate.

I'd be very unhappy about it and would NOT tolerate being told i was being unreasonable.

Its be a deal breaker for me. It stops or bye bye.

My DH would say the same to me if the roles were reversed. And he'd be right.

This is a no from me and other than my direct colleague or boss who I’ve popped out the office to grab casual lunch with (like a subway lol) I’ve never ever gone for meals and drinks 1-1 while working away and I’ve worked away a lot. I do the group dinners if needed