How can I possibly LTB?

[LTB2]

I want to leave DH but practically don’t feel I can. I am overdrawn every month - as soon as money hits my account I’m still overdrawn. I’ve never not been overdrawn. I can’t physically work any more hours as this would mean working weekends too so when would I see my kids? DH is no better off and has very little money left end of each month after he pays mortgage. We jointly pay the bills. Apparently we are too rich for any benefits (I have already checked this) so my question is how can I possibly leave DH and be in a better position? He’s not abusive but we are no longer in love and just together for the kids. Everytime I have posted about being unhappy I am told LTB. Then when I try to ask advice from posters how I can possibly do this financially I’m met with “well you don’t really want advice or listen so…”

I’m genuinely asking now how will I be any happier leaving him? If I can barely survive now how will leaving him be any better? We both have zero savings and no family support. How would it even work having another house with mortgage and bills I will have to cover? Even if I stay in our current house I can’t afford the mortgage on my own and it won’t be fair to ask him to move out and find other living accommodation which he will have to pay for on top of the mortgage for our current home. So please tell me how the hell can I LTB?!!!

There is a friend in work I often discuss my marriage with and she much older than me with grown up kids and she also makes it sound so easy. She told me she just packed a bag and took her 2 kids with her and left 90% of their belongings and never looked back. This all sounds so easy but in my mind I don’t understand how it will work when I literally have no money to my name. Her response was so what money will come and go. But seriously what kind of mum will I be if I just pack my stuff up and leave! Like where do I go with my kids? Or if I stay how do I pay the mortgage?

in the same boat and not really any advice but completely understand.
there is that awful thought that i am wasting years of my life waiting till we can afford to split up but the practical impact on the kids means i can’t risk it yet.

Well you would sacrifice your salary and finances if it was really that much of an issue or you'd start planning how to save more :/

Are you absolutely certain you wouldn't be entitled to anything OP? I wouldn't rely entirely on benefit calculators to give an accurate answer neither. A lot of the time they over or under estimate.
If you want some help getting an accurate idea of what, if anything you'd be entitled too and are happy to share some info, you're welcome to message me and I can work it out for you.
I was in your situation once, there will be a way out!

OP I just don’t think you’re ready to divorce, or maybe don’t want to.

when you divorce you agree to split-

house equity+pension value+ savings + assets- debts

by a %. Starting point is 50:50 but your ability to raise a mortgage and your housing needs (ie the children) will be taken into account.

what would that look like for you?

I honestly think the biggest hurdle with leaving and becoming a single parent OP is accepting that life will look different financially. Money is always going to be tighter as a one income household, the consequence of that may be a smaller home, living in a cheaper area, less “things”, but that doesn’t mean it’s the worse option.

As PP says you need to have a think about the numbers in detail when you get a chance, what is current house worth, what is the equity, what £ would you realistically be walking away with. What kind of place could you afford to buy (if you want another mortgaged home) with the equity you leave with, plus your salary, plus any savings/assets, have a look on Rightmove to see what your options would be.

Realistically no you won’t have the same house and the same lifestyle on one income, that is inevitable unless you can significantly increase your income, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

You are obviously living beyond your means, how can you say you’re not.

You have 2 incomes and half of the bills each.
Thousands of single people live alone on 1 income and 100% of the bills.

You need to focus on sorting your finances out first.
You and your DH are both poor with money and probably just used to it.
Really try and budget for a couple of months and see how you get on.

It would be unfair to move your DC out of their home and so I’d be looking for something smaller for when they stay with you, as they won’t need their own bedrooms.

I wouldn’t commit to anything just yet, just learn how to budget and look for prices of accommodation in your surrounding areas.

This is the link to a benefit calculatorhttps://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

And this link will calculate how much maintenance you may be able to get from your (ex)partner. https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Run the numbers with a few different sanarios (eg. If you stay in House, if you rent somewhere local, if you rent somewhere cheaper, if you have the kids full time, if you have them 50/50 but work more). See if any of the numbers leave you with an amount you could live off