To have expected DH to have stuck up for himself?

[Kieylight]

DH and I were at an event yesterday along with our two DD’s, who are both in their 20’s.

Once we got home, DH told me of an interaction he had with another (male) guest which made him uncomfortable. He had been talking to this guest, who enquired ‘who the three ladies are’. DH obviously said I was his wife and that he has two daughters.

The man asked DH if he is ‘still bathing his daughters’. Rather than telling him how inappropriate this was, he said he awkwardly laughed and made his excuses to leave the conversation.

Is it bad I think a bit less of DH for not challenging this man?

I can imagine your DH was flabbergasted.

Er, yes who says that to a father? Maybe he was caught off guard at the time and would have had a better response if he wasn't busy being polite and had time to think about it.

Your DH was exposed to a pervert if your account is accurate.

He was shocked, no one would have expected someone to say something like that. If this was said to a woman it would be considered sexual abuse.

Speak to your DH about this.

I would have made excuses to leave too - why bother challenging a complete moron? What a waste of energy. Wise people pick and choose their battles. I’d have wanted to have got out of this creep’s orbit as soon as possible. I’m not going to waste my sagacity on someone with cottage cheese for brains. If he had said it to or within earshot of your daughters that would have been a completely different situation, but he didn’t.

What would have been the benefit in "challenging" an idiot like that?

I am close to 60 and sadly I can remember a ‘joke’ by Bernard Manning (don’t Google him, vile 1970’s racist amongst many other things) about a celebrity wanting to bath his daughter.
It sort of entered the conversation with some men (including a friend’s dad who then passed it on to his sons) so this awful man may have picked it up at home.
The fact that he said it out loud to your husband is vile but I should imagine he felt a bit shellshocked?
And a man like your DH may have weighed up if it was worth a confrontation as these idiots like to provoke and then the trouble it leads to is not worth it.

I had something relatively similar once where I was talking about my daughters going to dance class to a neighbour. He said “what lap dancing” they were approx 8 and 10 at the time. I looked at him and said “how strange” and walked off.

OP how many times do you read posts from women who are made to feel uncomfortable by a man and then are annoyed after because they didn’t say anything at the time to challenge it and instead just walked away.

do you feel a little bit less of all those women too?

i’m sure your brain is running over all the things you like to think you would have said to that man had he said it to you - but let’s be honest, the reality is that you too would probably just have walked away.

'Walk away from trouble' is often the best tactic.

Your husband met a nutter. Life moves on.

I would think more highly of your husband for making his excuses and leaving. The man sounds horrendous and you can’t argue with stupid.

in the scenario you describe I don’t think you mean ‘stick up for himself’ as he wasn’t being attacked in any way.
I think he made the right decision; the guy sounds like a weirdo, I’d have just walked away too. Why engage?

Exactly that could have led to escalation and into assault risk for the dh.

Anyone who would make a perverted comment like that is not someone to be engaging with or challenging. I expect your husband was too shocked to even tell the man to "F Off".

OP is probably one of these types who expects her "man " (how I hate that expression) to be a "Who do you fucking fink you are?" Threatening bulldog type and leap in "dhant make a scene !" types.

Smack him in the mouth!

I think you’re being pretty unreasonable. When someone says something shocking, it’s always easier in hindsight to think “I should have said xxx”, and there’s often no point anyway. If this man says something like that to a stranger, then I doubt he’d listen to that stranger pulling him up on it.

Your DH didn’t agree with this man. He didn’t carry on chatting to him. He walked away.

Lots of people "fluff" an awkward situation like this. It's easy in hindsight to think of something more suitable to say, but not always in the heat of the moment.

Yabu

In challenging the idiot, the whole situation could have escalated and ruined the whole event for you all.

Much better to move on...no real harm was done by the stupid comment.

I think your DH did the right thing by walking away.

Don't be so blooming silly OP. This bloke was obviously a pervert and your DH was caught completely off guard. Understandably! Anyway, what did you expect your DH to do? Say something like "how very dare you sir" or maybe challenge him to a duel? This man was clearly a nutter and hardly likely to take any notice of anything. He might have been unstable too and punched your DH in the gob. Would you have been happy then?

I worked with a dirty git who said of his own niece “if I was her dad I’d still be bathing her”. His niece - vile bloke.

I was shocked and didn’t reply. Mind you, in my defence, I was a lot younger. If I heard this or similar now I’d challenge the filthy sod about it.

Your husband was probably shocked OP and didn’t have a response in the moment.

Why did you DH even relay the conversation?

If it was my DP and he didn't challenge the perv then he'd know to keep his mouth shut and not tell me as he wouldn't want to here my take on it.

Why would you think less of your husband for not challenging him? Very strange comment from both the pervert and yourself. I can imagine your husband felt disgusted and quickly made an exit like any other person would have done. You don't entertain that , im with your husband.