Feeling like an alien for choosing one child

[NorthernWildflower]

Wherever we go I always feel like there’s something wrong with us, as our family of three.
Everyone else seems to be with two or more children.

We have chosen to stop at one because of my mental health, neurodiversity and my son has been very difficult from day one.

I was out today with a friend who has three kids and one on the way and I just felt like an alien. I can’t really relate to her experiences at all, most people I know have more than one or are pregnant at the moment, it’s really difficult to know what to do.

My DS is nearly 8, so I wish we’d just gone for it sooner.

Just don't die young, this is hard on an only child.

This. Can’t say I ever notice single child familes. In fact it’s the opposite. When I see 3 or more kid familes I can’t help but think the planet is overpopulated enough, you are selfish to have more than 2.

That’s helpful. Pretty sure if a mother dies young it’s hard on any children.

Not helpful one bit, really stupid comment on a thread like this.

Personal experience, it is incredibly destabilizing being an orphan in your 20s.

My DH has no parents and has a sister. He feels the exact same.

I have friends and family with one child. Some have two. One friend - clearly bonkers, lol - has five. I don’t notice when I’m out, and I doubt many people do. This is a you issue.

Honestly it’s pretty normal. I am one of six and I remember I had a wee pal who was an only child as a kid. I was so jealous of her! Her own room, her own toys, her house was so peaceful! She was really jealous of me as well, she said “sharing a room with your sister must be great, like a sleep over every night!” Anyone who’s shared a room with their sister knows that’s definitely not the case, WWE smack down every night - definitely not a sleepover. We always want what we can’t have OP but the grass ain’t greener it’s just different grass.

I’ve only got one, no plans to have anymore,
100% happy with our choice.
I love my DS with all my heart, but I know I wouldn’t cope with another.

One and done with a similar age child. This is only an issue of you make it one.

Make the most of the child you have- whatever reasons you have for not having another are just as valid as the reasons your friends have for having multiple.

I have 1 child and struggled massively with the decision to stay at 1. Everyone else seems to have 2 and I was upset for a long time that he won't have a sibling. However now I see how happy he is and I genuinely don't think he could be any happier. If he had a sibling it would just be another type of happiness so I am now at peace with it. I love babies but could not put myself though the pregnancy and postpartum again as I really struggled and I know I would struggle to be a mum to 2 rather than 1. Ask yourself if everyone around you had 1 child would you still want another. If the answer is no then you are making your mind up based on others decisions and not your own.choose your own path. You could move house tomorrow be surrounded by loads of 1 child families and wonder why you had ,2 !

We live in Germany and all (literally all) of our kids classmates are only children. All.
My DH is an only child.
It’s no longer unusual , except for your friendgroup!
Obviously putting aside the economic issues of this societal change, my one bugbear is the fact that there is a lot of pressure on adult only children to be present for their parents. It’s a cultural nightmare. And not just my family. I know that we will never have a Christmas for ourselves for instance until they are dead. We will never celebrate a birthday the way we want to until they are dead. Don’t become those parents!

Ignore. Replied to the wrong post.

Theres nothing wrong with having 1 child. Its your choice and your family.

I have 6 children and people are so shocked, they responses I get are beyond ridiculous.

Don't worry about other people.

We have one child - a son who is now 12 and just finished Y7.
I can honestly say we have no regret at all.

We have a nice, calm, happy life. DS is very well adjusted and has plenty of friends who he sees regularly.

Particularly since he went to secondary school, I am so pleased we only have one. He has got very into his sports which is great but has been a lot of ferrying him around! He is able academically, but even so, having capacity to support with homework etc has been great.

Honestly, one is great!

I suggest this is in your head. But its your choice for your reasons so be happy with it. There are advantages and disavantages to all situations and being an only child has many positives. Dont dwell on it just enjoy what you have.

Perfectly normal to have one child. I know quite a few people who have and only wanted one for whatever reason. Much better that and give them your all than to stretch beyond your means - whether your limits are mental health, energy, money, time, other, or a combination or reasons.
I always felt I wanted two and feel complete now I have two children, wouldn’t want any more than that and feel I have reached my capacity on energy levels (and money) with my two.

We have 5 children and I always felt a bit like a marauding rabble when we went anywhere 😂 families come in all shapes and sizes, there are plenty of people with one child. If you're happy with one, why worry about what other families look like?

Stop inventing issues for yourself tbh… there are lots of only children in the world.

I've only got one, she's almost 25, I've never wanted more.

What did I find out today - that 41% ( or was it 44?) of children are single children

that the most common family size

It’s more common than ever before in human history to only have one child. People having children later in life, lifestyle choices, careers and cost of living. We only have one because that is what worked for us. Everyone else can, quite frankly, sod off.

Not one child but I’m a widow. I was the only one in my DD school year without a DH (no one was even divorced)! I’d go to the annual pub gathering on my own. I’d go to parent/teacher meetings on my own. Just going out and about it was me and my two little kids.
Several families I know have one child. It’s a different dynamic for sure, but stats show over 40% of UK families have one dependent child. In the US it’s 20%.

That figure is a bit misleading though (I've seen it before) - it's a snapshot in time, and every eldest child was once an only child. The number of only children families by the time their eldest child is 8, like OP's, is a lot lower. It's still sizeable though. Around 18% of women born in the 1970s, who I think we can assume are at their final family size, have one child.

I certainly wish I'd never had a sibling myself.