AIBU to think Mumsnet enables our worst selves

[wordscanhurt]

New account as I've closed mine and am just logging back to make this post. I joined mumsnet because I like AIBU and have seen some useful, funny and heartbreakingly sad threads. When I commented, I always tried to post non-judgemental, empathetic, genuinely helpful responses, bearing in mind that an actual human being would be reading them, that often got hearts and likes. But yesterday I was called cruel and toxic and this was the final straw. It hurt. You can dash off a shitty comment online, but someone is reading it in the real world.

Mumsnet masquerades as a caring support site, but algorithms always trend towards conflict and Mumsnet HQ would much prefer 500 comments ripping someone to shreds than a post with 30 thoughtful responses. I hate how people allow the worst of themselves online. People who don't know each other rushing to judgement to call others a bad parent or wife, or say that they've been stupid or cruel. It's horrible. You would never speak to people like this in real life, but revel in the cloak of anonymity to do it online. Well enough for me. I'm not logging on any more to find I've been called horrible things that I know I am not.

How can we expect our children to behave sensibly in an online world when a group of women delight in making assumptions and rushing to judgement on an hourly basis.

There will be tons of replies underneath this saying aibu is supposed to be robust, or assuming all sorts of things about me when you know literally nothing about me. I'm not staying around to read them.

This site is terrible for my wellbeing and I'm logging off for good.

I take your point, people who set out to be deliberately cruel are horrible. That said, what is the purpose of advice? If it’s just to make the poster feel better by affirming their views then yes, the comments are going to be welcomed but are they going to be always helpful? Sometimes parents are bad, sometimes not every marital conflict has a clear goody and bady. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to (respectfully) say unwelcome things.

Don't stop being you're honest self. It's a forum, not everyone agrees and as you well know, the pile on is enormous. I've been on the bad end of it. So, I changed name and carried on.

How can we expect our children to behave sensibly in an online world when a group of women delight in making assumptions and rushing to judgement on an hourly basis.

This should be in the MN philosophy.

You can't control other people, so stop trying.

It's a very freeing choice to make.

Grow up.

I joined mumsnet because I like AIBU

Then your use of this site became a self-fulfilling prophecy, didn't it? It's a massive resource that hosts much thoughtful, insightful, educational and supportive discussion. Out of all this, you chose to home in on people being unreasonable. YABU to complain about people BU in AIBU!

I like Mumsnet but I wouldn’t post about things that I’d feel vulnerable about in terms of responses. I wouldn’t do this on any discussion site but Mumsnet is the only one I post on. I know there are plenty of topics where I could cope with someone flicking the verbal Vs at my comments and others where I would bruise easily so I steer well clear of the latter. Ultimately, if it’s an unhelpful experience then there’s no point in engaging.

I agree with this.

AIBU is a draw because it is often very direct and can be antagonistic.

If you had steered clear and gone to education, or mental health, or elderly parents or whatever you would find predominately gentle supportive threads.

Maybe consider name changing and venturing further it a special interest board.