To think dd’s boyfriends behaviour is odd?

[Willowandwonder]

My dd is 18, late summer born so she's just finished her first year of uni. She's had a bf for about 6 months. She had a previous boyfriend for 2 years from 16-18 and he ended up cheating on her so I was a bit weary especially as dd moved on quite fast. I met him once in May/beginning of June time and he didn't speak at all which I thought was odd but thought he was just shy

He went home for a few weeks to Poland but he's back and he's been staying for the last few days since he got back

DD says his English is much better than he lets on bur he still not really spoken to me. I don't know whether he's painfully shy or just doesn't want to speak to me

Today DD’s working a long shift and he's in her room on his phone. I took some washing into DD’s room and knocked, he got up and opened it and sat back down on his phone and I asked if he wanted a drink or something to eat and he just said “no thanks” except he hasn't eaten at all today or drank as I've been home all day and he's not been downstairs

The eating seems to be worrying me though as he never eats a proper meal with us, hell say he's not hungry or he’ll eat a few mouthfuls and stop. It isnt my cooking either as dd says he just doesn't really have a big appetite, they can order a pizza for example when they're at uni and he eats a slice or 2 and says dd can have the rest

But later on food disappears like crisps, chocolate, biscuits, yoghur, half a load of bread, occasionally fruit etc

He never seems to sit down and eat either has constantly picks at things instead. But a couple of times I've walked into the kitchen and he eats really quickly and shoves it in etc like he's been caught doing something wrong and then he suddenly isn't hungry at all. He also drinks a huge amounts of water compared to everyone else

Andon 2 occasions he’s gone into the toilet dowstairs and it sounds like he's been sick. I mentioned it to da as sort of an is he ok and he said he didn't feel very well but the on the. Other occasion he said he was fine

The other thing is he's constantly touching dd, if she's in the kitchen he's stood behind her with his arms around her. If she's watching tv in the living room he's leaning over her, if she walks past him he touches her shoulder or her waist. The other day I got home early and walked in on them in the living room as well which I obviously found uncomfortable, yes they're adults but there's nothing wrong with dd’s room for doing that sort of thing

AIBU for finding this odd? Any advice opinions etc appreciated

I would explain to your DD that if he’s staying free of charge in your home he has to fall in with your family routines.

He eats at the table. When he gets up and comes down in the morning he says morning / Hi / Alright? and greets the family. He says goodnight before heading up to bed. He accepts a drink from your Mum. He makes an effort to chat as a gesture of gratitude for your hospitality. And if she’s working all day, he goes out. I know you said he’s got nowhere to go, but he can walk in to town, get a coffee, meet your DD for 10 mins, sit in the park and go on his phone, look in some shops. He needs to just kill time, like we’ve all had to do.
I would not entertain him staying in her room all day while she works.

He has to converse. He’s an adult.

It sounds like he is bulimic. That aside he sounds rude and disrespectful. You don’t have to have him as a long term guest especially as your daughter is often at work. He’s old enough to be at university so can find somewhere else to stay. I wonder how long before his neediness puts her off. Do you have other children at home.

This too. I find some young women like being needed so desperately, but as they get older they start to want a man who can take care of himself and has his shit together. Someone not so ‘poor lamb’.

It sounds like he's suffering from bulimia/ anorexia with binge/purging.

Poor lad. I don't think it's 'odd' so much as sad if he's got an eating disorder. But I doubt he'd open up to you about it if he barely speaks.

I guess you could ask DD if she's tried to talk to him about it? Leave some ED charity leaflets around or something? He's probably quite ashamed and embarrassed about it. So you may not really be able to do much. Just try and make sure DD knows she doesn't have to stay with someone to try and help them or make them better.

He could be a stoner? Don't worry OP the relationship will most likely fizzle out 🙂

If he is going to uni then he must have great English, time he got practicing

I don't think he takes drugs

That’s not appropriate at all. Actually none of it is. Is he contributing anything? I would want him gone. You’re not a hotel for a rude young man who gropes your daughter in front of you.